The man said, “You struggle in your relationships because you are trying to convince more than you connect.”

The speaker was talking about business relationships. One of the reasons we struggle in the workplace is because we are out to prove we are right rather than listening to the people around us. We are desperate to convince people of our viewpoint that we forget to connect to them as people.

But the application is greater than that. 

With your spouse, many struggles (especially early in marriage) are you trying to convince them that your actions are the correct way to do things.

With unbelievers, Christians try to beat people over the head with their faith without caring about the other person’s feelings. 

Interestingly, the more we connect to people, the greater the chance they will begin to see things from our viewpoint. Connection becomes the key to convincing.

The next time you find yourself in conflict, ask yourself, “Is this because I am defending my views and trying to convince the other person I am correct?” If so, maybe it is time to rethink your attitude and try to connect to that person through listening and becoming sympathetic.

One way fosters your ego and the other relationships.

I am not the same person I was five years ago. I am definitely not the same as I was 10, 20, or 30 years ago. 

There has been a lot of new information and experience gained in this life. I have read more, listened, learned, and grown in my depth of knowledge. I have seen birth, death, loss, love, joy, and pain. These things have shaped my thoughts, feelings, and reactions to others. 

If you knew me at my previous ministries, you need to get to know me again. The person I was back then is a faint reflection of who I am now. 

I hope the same is true for you. I hope you have not gotten stuck in one way of thinking over a lifetime. I hope you have grown and matured, especially as a believer in Jesus.

Here is where this gets tricky. That person who made you mad may have changed since you first picked up your grudge. When you think of how different you are today, know that other people will likely be the same way. They might regret what they said or did and wish they could take it all back.

Perhaps the new you needs to let go of the past to form an even better future you.

Fitness without exercise.

Knowledge without study.

Skill without practice.

Quality without cost.

Discipleship without sacrifice.

None of those things are possible, no matter how much you want them. 

Many of us are on a quest for the extraordinary. We want to do significant things that will leave memories for a lifetime. We want an expensive vacation or the grandest gestures of love. We want to experience something that takes our breath away. We want to remember the extraordinary things we did with the people in our lives.

Too often, we miss the ordinary in our quest for the extraordinary. While the other things might seem grand, they usually let us down.

When I preach a funeral, I ask the family to tell me what they will miss about this person. The response always fascinates me. They will talk about some quirky habit or way they handled things. They will share stories of how they spoke and the phrases they repeated. They will tell me about quiet moments of conversation that impacted their soul. They will speak of game nights, hugs, walks, and moments around a campfire. The things that touch our souls are often the most ordinary.

One way to live an amazing life is not to have or do more. Instead, it is to focus on what you have and enjoy the ordinary moments.

Take time with the people you love, put the phone down, and listen. Lean in, and don’t worry about how you will respond. Walk and chat about your day, even if it is raining. Sit quietly over a meal and ask your kids about their lives without comment or judgment. Write notes to one another or send heartfelt texts. Sit quietly on the porch and watch the sun rise or set. 

Everyone thinks that life is composed of these grand moments that make it worth living when I believe it is made up of a thousand ordinary moments that are the source of joy greater than money can buy.   

The biggest step of growth I have seen in people of faith is the one where they go from being a disciple to a disciple-maker.

A disciple is a person who continually learns. Their primary question is about how they need to grow and what they need to know. It is a natural step in the development of every believer.

That is where most people stop growing. They become a reservoir that is continually pouring in rivers of knowledge.

One of the most significant challenges is getting a person to become a disciple-maker. Their primary concern is about how to teach someone else. They want to see other people grow in their faith. They become a life-giving river that impacts the whole region.

There are two phases of adult life: before and after you have children. Like that, there are two phases of a disciple’s life; before and after you become a disciple-maker.

Caring for someone else will force you to grow and change in unexpected ways.

When I heard about it, I had two options.

The first was to do something. I could make a call or find a way to send money. Perhaps I could take to social media and share my ideas and opinions. There had to be something I could do to help in some small way.

The second option was to do nothing. I could wait and see what happened. Maybe things would work out naturally. I could keep my mouth shut on social media until I knew the whole story and the truth of what happened. For the moment, maybe the best thing to do is nothing, at least until I know better what to do.

Between those two choices, which one are you most likely to choose?

Most of the people I know fall clearly into one of those camps. They are people who jump first and ask questions later or the ones who wait till later before they might do anything.

Personally, I do not believe either one is morally correct. A life of faith requires a delicate balance of both positions. Sometimes we need to run, and sometimes we need to wait.

Which one is which? How will we know what to do?

I think that one way we grow in faith is to do the opposite of our natural inclination. If you feel hardwired to jump and react to every story you hear, then take time to wait. If you are a person who usually does nothing, the next time you hear of someplace you can help, then jump and run.

Spiritual maturity is learning the right things to do and the right time to do it.

I attended three conferences this year. I took a notebook full of notes, and one group of workshops is changing how I approach discipleship. It was a great year of learning with both instructional and inspirational messages. There was some great preaching from the Bible and incredible worship songs.

Of all the things I experienced this year, one image is stuck in my head. It has inspired me and given me joy whenever I feel down. I attended a conference about preaching in a Church not too far away. You had to walk by the offices to get to the auditorium. As I walked by one of the rooms, I noticed an older lady, I guessed to be 70-80 years old. Her skin was wrinkled and weathered over top of a frail frame bent from years of work. She gave me a friendly smile as I walked by, and she continued working.

The worship began, and everyone was finding their place. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed this elderly woman step into the back row of the auditorium. Even though the song was a modern worship song written in the past year, she began to sing. For a few moments, I stopped and watched her; she was singing with all her might there in the back of the room. As we sat for the speaker, she disappeared back into her office to work.

Over the following two days, I would watch her step out and sing every line of every song with the same enthusiasm. I have no idea what she did for the Church, but her love for the Lord was evident.

I found myself thinking one clear thought, “I hope I am as excited to praise Jesus when I am 80 as she is today.”

Sometimes, the Christian life can be rough, especially as a Church leader. People can hurt you, and faith can be difficult. So many days, I want to throw in the towel and sell ice cream somewhere. Yet, that lady inspires me. I can only imagine what she has seen in her lifetime, yet she is there unashamedly singing her praises. If she can make it, I know I can too.

Keep shining your light; you never know who will be helped by its glow.

I do not know the context of this quote, but I have heard it repeated across numerous platforms. It is attributed to motivational speaker Jim Rohn. He stated, “You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” It is frequently connected to the line, “Show me your friends, and I will show you your future.”

Writer David Burkus argues that his statement is incorrect. It is not because it contains a factual error but because it is too restrictive to say just five people. He argues that research indicates you are the cumulative result of all the people you surround yourself with regularly.

The people you spend time around, family, friends, co-workers, and neighbors, will ultimately impact your perspectives, beliefs, and ultimately your actions.

If that is true, the follow-up question for a believer is simple; “Are the people in your life leading you toward spiritual maturity?” What kind of people are you surrounding yourself with as a Christian?

Most Churches get people in their doors for one, two, or maybe even three hours a week. That means, even for the most committed followers of Jesus, of the 168 hours we get each week, we have 165 that other people influence.

Who is shaping your life? Take time to assess the circle of influence around you because maybe it is time to add some new people and remove others if you are serious about your faith.

I worked in a Tire Shop and Service Center in High school for two years. There was a mechanic there named Fred, and he had this huge toolbox filled with Snap-On tools. It was his prized possession as he kept it locked up every night after doing an inventory of his collection. 

Being a mechanic is not about owning tools. But it sure helps to get the job done. Having the right tool at the right time could make any job quicker and more efficient. Fred cared for that toolbox because it housed the things that enabled him to make a living doing what he loved. 

Whenever I think of the Church building, I think of it as a toolbox. A Church does not have to own a building, but it sure helps to get ministry done. Having the space, resources, and equipment makes everything more efficient. The goal is never to have bigger or more modern buildings, but sometimes, it is necessary to build and improve to do what the Lord has called Christians to do.    

It has often been said that the Church is a people, not a building. Be clear: a Church building is a toolbox meant to be used for the work of the Lord. A quality, well-stocked toolbox makes the work of ministry easier for everyone.

The teacher stood on the stage in a room filled with college students. The audience was mostly comprised of skeptics of the faith, and the speaker was trying to teach some of the mysteries of the Bible in a way they could understand. 

Occasionally, while the teacher was speaking, I could feel myself getting tense about a story. Then, they would come to some complicated passage, give one concrete answer, and move on to the next topic.

As a preacher and a person who studies the Bible weekly, I knew that some parts of scripture have been discussed for millennia. One reference to Noah has been debated for the better part of three thousand years by both Jews and Christians. Yet, they gave one solid answer and continued talking. There was no debate, discussion, or interaction, and they were not taking questions. The speaker finished their hour-and-a-half talk, and never once was there a glimmer of doubt in their voice about anything they said. 

One challenge for a believer is to process some complicated passages and topics and then come out with firm convictions. These must be grounded on solid scholarship, interpretation, and historical considerations. We do not arrive at them after watching a thirty-second social media clip. But still, once we are informed of all possible meanings, we pick the clearest and settle into rock-solid beliefs. Unwavering. 

While I disagreed with some of the teacher’s conclusions, I did appreciate their conviction about their faith. Finding someone confident about what they believe is always refreshing.