Conversations can be the glue that holds relationships together. Whether it is with a spouse, a friend, a coworker, or a family member, open communication helps us understand one another and stay connected.

But there is a problem: just because two people are having the same conversation doesn’t mean they are having the same conversation.

Some examples. A husband listens to his wife complain about a friend. He immediately starts looking for a solution, but she isn’t asking for one at all. She simply wants someone to listen and understand. A boss gives an employee five things to accomplish that day. The employee remembers the first thing and misses the other four. A friend says, “I’m feeling so alone right now.” But instead of hearing a cry for connection, the other person hears, “I’m a failure as a friend.”

The words may be clear. The problem is that we don’t always hear what the other person is actually saying.

We filter conversations through our own experiences, emotions, assumptions, and insecurities. We assign motives. We jump to conclusions. We listen for what we expect to hear, not what the other person is trying to communicate.

That’s why talking isn’t the same as connecting.

Getting on the same page requires more than speaking clearly. It requires listening carefully. It means asking questions before making assumptions. It means slowing down long enough to make sure we understand what someone means rather than simply reacting to what we think they mean.

Sometimes the wisest thing we can say is, “Help me understand what you mean.”

And sometimes we need enough humility to ask, “Did I hear you correctly?”

Many of the problems in our relationships don’t come from a lack of communication. They come from miscommunication.

Strong relationships are built when two people care enough to slow down, listen well, seek understanding, and make the effort to get on the same page.

Because sometimes the greatest gift you can give someone isn’t an answer. It’s the feeling of being truly heard.

One word. It means “in spite of that,” “however,” or “even so”

Life is hard; nevertheless, God is good.

Finances are tight; nevertheless, God has blessed me.

People can be mean; nevertheless, God has surrounded me with people who support me.

I can be a horrible person; nevertheless, God has forgiven me in Christ Jesus.

For everything this life throws at you, God has a “nevertheless” ending.

When I was 21, I started writing a sermon every week. In the early days, I used paper and pen and wrote every idea by hand. Making changes was painstaking, which was fine because those first sermons used all my ideas each week to make a 22-minute presentation.

After 33 years of doing ministry, I now have a lot more to say. Each week I write and write and usually have enough material to fill at least 45 minutes. Then I begin editing.

It is a painful process. Each line carries some level of importance. All are true and meaningful, but some are better left unsaid. Often the words are repetitive, and some introduce new ideas that add very little to the overall flow. Line by line, I read and reread, and I delete, delete, delete.

There are hundreds of variations on a quote from Michelangelo where he supposedly states, “The sculpture is already complete within the marble block, before I start my work. It is already there; I have to chisel away the superfluous material.”

Whether that quote is accurate doesn’t matter; the concept is clear: the best way to make a masterpiece is to cut away everything needless.

The same is true in sculpting, writing a novel, crafting a sermon, and even in living a life that pleases God. We need to cut, delete, and remove all the pointless parts to achieve our desired outcome. This is hard because we’ve invested so much in what we are already doing.

One reason busyness thrives in our culture and in the lives of Christians is that we keep adding things and never hit delete on the unnecessary stuff.

George Woodruff is often credited with saying,

“The test of Christianity is not loving Jesus; it’s loving Judas.”

What is your favorite picture on your phone of your family or a friend?

Is it one where the person posed for the perfect picture? They checked their hair, turned their body just right, and made sure they had the perfect smile. Is it the one where they looked like a model?

I’m guessing your favorite picture was probably unplanned, at a moment when all the pretense was gone. You happened to catch someone unexpectedly, in an honest moment, with a completely natural look.

Too often, we want our lives to look a certain way. We worry about appearances and what other people think.

The strange thing is, most of us don’t want that from other people. We want people to be real with us. Yet we live as if everyone expects us to have it all together.

Being real will always be better than being fake, in pictures and in life.

We have an air fryer in our kitchen. I bought it against my wife’s wishes, but we have both come to love it. In about 7 minutes, we can have crispy chicken strips, nicely reheated leftovers, or a delicious brat fully cooked.

By contrast, if I want delicious smoked ribs, it takes me at least 24 hours to do it well. It requires marinating, slow cooking, and occasional spritzing. Smoked brisket or turkey takes even longer to get right. Any man who does much smoking lives by the rule of “slow and low.”

The air fryer has a place, but smoked meat is another level of quality.

Good things take time.

You cannot air-fry spiritual maturity; it’s more like smoking meat.

In the age of AI, it is more difficult than ever to find your own unique voice and keep it.

There is always the temptation to let technology speak for you. Ask it a question, let it generate an answer, and then repeat it to the masses.

Finding your voice is risky. You might omit some details, have a grammatical error, or could have said it more clearly. There is always a recommendation to make it sound different and more acceptable.

God gave you a unique personality, experiences, and point of view. Your tone, mannerisms, and clichés make you distinctive.

Don’t lose your voice; the kingdom of God needs you, not a technologically edited version of you.

(AI made four recommendations on how I could improve this post)

“It is easy to have a big crowd, but I am trying to build a congregation.”

I’ve heard dozens of preachers say something like that in a sermon. They talk about churches with larger attendance and then offer that line as an explanation. The implication is that something more spiritual is at work in their smaller church and that, somehow, being small is evidence of being more faithful.

Let me tell you something: building a crowd is incredibly hard.

Ask any new comedian or aspiring musician. Getting people to show up takes charisma and connection. It takes communication, advertising, excitement, evaluation, and continual improvement. It requires offering something people value, and that meets a real need in their lives.

I’ve spent the last twelve years leading one church, and it’s taken intense work every year to get to the point where we are beginning to generate a crowd.

And now, people are coming. It is incredibly exciting, but it wasn’t easy.

I believe the first challenge is to build a crowd so we have the opportunity to impact people for Jesus. Then we can build a congregation.

A crowd gives us people to disciple. A congregation gives those people a place to belong. From there, we can teach them, lead them toward a deeper relationship with Jesus, and help them develop deeper relationships with one another.

Crowds were never the goal. People are the goal.

So I thank God that He is blessing our work and sending us more and more people. I don’t take that lightly. I see every new person who walks through our doors as a divine opportunity.

The crowd isn’t the destination. It is the opportunity.

And now that God is giving us a crowd, our responsibility is to build something great for Jesus.

If the roof leaks, you know to patch it. If the door creaks, put some WD-40 on it. If the carpet is dirty, then clean it.

It is easy to see a problem and fix it.

It is much more difficult to know that a six-second kiss once or twice a day will create a true connection with your spouse. You never know how much a 15-30 minute conversation every day will make you a happier couple until you do it. It is hard to explain what spending time in worship together does for a husband and wife because it creates a spiritual connection.

Often, the improvements we need to make at home are unknown because they are less obvious. That doesn’t mean we should ignore them.

Someone influenced you to become the person you are today.

Maybe a teacher opened the door to a new world and helped shape your career. A family member lived in a way you had never seen, and you began to live the same way. A coach spoke truth into your life, and now you coach others. Maybe someone in the Church did more than teach you about Jesus—they showed you what faith looks like, and their example helped lead you to follow Jesus.

Someone influenced you by their example.

Whether you realize it or not, you are doing the same thing to others.

People are watching you, especially those younger than you. They are learning from how you live, how you respond to difficulty, how you treat people, and how seriously you take your faith.

You are leaving an example.

The question isn’t if you are leaving an example. The question is what kind of example are you leaving?