Let me be 100% honest about the topic of telling the truth. (Seems like a good thing for me to do.) Here it is, “I have a really hard time telling the truth.” There I said it. Before you get all judgmental please hear me out.
Numerous people come to me over the course of a month asking for Biblical insight or Christian advice. They tell me their story of struggle and pain. They open up about some deep issue in their life. Then they wait for my response. Here is my struggle; so many times I want to tell them the completely honest and brutal truth. But something inside me holds me back. If I tell them the complete truth as I see it they will get angry with me, will it hurt their spirit, will it lead to confrontation, or will it simply kill the relationship? I struggle with this. I bet if you were honest, you do too.
I mean, do you tell people they have a difficult personality? Do you tell them their children really are not angels? Do you confront people with the dumb choices they are making right now? Where do you draw the line between truth and love?
Paul writes to the Church in Ephesus and says, “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.” Ephesians 4:15 (NIV) The context of this passage is about unity in the faith and also about growing up in Christ. I believe his statement is a reflection of both sides of this issue. Telling the truth will help people to grow and doing it in love will keep people unified.
It is a tough line to walk. I struggle with it every week if not every day. Here are a few questions I continually ask myself about speaking the truth in love.
1. Is what I am going to say helping this person grow as a believer?
2. Am I speaking for their benefit or just to get my feelings out?
3. Does the Bible say anything specifically about this issue so that I am resting on God’s word and not my own opinion?
4. If I speak from my opinions am I alone in my stance or do other people feel the same way?
5. Is there a chance I will regret what I am going to say?
6. Is there a strong enough relationship between us that they will accept what I am going to say? (Maybe someone else should tell them
7. Is this the right time and/or right place? Should I say this by myself privately or with a few other people to support me?
8. Will my comments reflect both a desire for unity and for growth?
9. Will this person listen if I speak the truth in love?
10. Have I asked God for wisdom in prayer?
These are some of the questions I ask. Maybe you have better ones. The truth is a hard topic that needs dealt with in a loving way. How do you do that? As a pastor I want to see people grow in their walk with the Lord Jesus and I know that means we sometimes must speak hard truth. As an introvert I really just want to avoid it. Ultimately as a follower of Jesus I must speak the truth and do it in helpful ways – you do too.
I would love to hear your thoughts.
Second Chance Pastor 
I have this problem also. I hate conflict. It seems that the two times I told the truth about someone “in Love” I ended up being the “bad guy”. I didn’t even say everything I should have. In both cases the people I told the truth turned everything around on me and basically lied to other people. Only a very few believed the person I told the truth to in both cases. I still have many nights that I am sad and angry at the same time wishing I hadn’t told the truth. I waited over 10 years in both cases and believe me put up with a lot in both cases before I confronted them kindly with the truth.
For not speaking the truth, this blog seems pretty honest to me.
For me personally I am on a quest to find God and if the truth that you need to share with me is something that can draw me nearer to my Lord and is spoken to me in Love, then the truth is what I need to hear. I am not saying it will not hurt but one thing I have learned since rededicating my life to The Lord is that I sometimes need someone, another Christian, to help me line my thoughts up with the truth, Gods Truth, otherwise growth will never happen. And when I come to you it’s because I need to speak the truth in a safe place.
I have spent my whole life in fear of rejection and because of that I find it very hard to open up and share the truth of my failures with anyone. Then when I do share and receive no guidance it makes me “FEEL” like I’ve done something wrong and makes me want to shut down again.
It makes me think their is something wrong with me.
The difference in the old me and the new me is that and that your latest sermon series has helped me to understand is that;
1. I know I’ve sinned against heaven
2. I know I’ve sinned against God
3. I’ve repented of my sins
4. I know I’m forgiven
5. I know God loves me
6. I know I love God
7. I know when I came to you it was for humanly reassurance and if god doesn’t lead you to share that with me, I am either way off base and what you would like to say to me is something that could break my spirit instead of making me stronger Or like my husband (who is also an introvert) I must be a babbling idiot, and you just do not have any idea of how to respond to me. Either way God says it best when He say ” our words can either build someone up or they can break someone’s spirit” and because of your honestly in your blog, I understand, for me, I just have to rely on God to use his spirit to guide me.
Thank you for allowing me to share with you on Sunday and forgive me if I put you in an awkward situation.
Love in Christ,
Debbie Hill
Debbie –
The idea for this blog was born in our conversation Sunday but it was not about you. In our conversation so said something about “keeping your mouth shut, to keep the relationship.” Something like that anyway. It got me thinking about all the times we withhold the full truth in our conversations. I know it happens to me all the time. Sorry if you think this was directed at you or our conversation.