Regularly, I preface something I will say with, “I don’t mean this mean.”

A direct, blunt statement of truth usually follows that introduction.

It is a habit I have developed over a lifetime of ministry as the result of telling people the truth they did not want to hear. I have found that whenever you give someone the unfiltered, straightforward truth, it is usually not received well. People respond by calling me a jerk, mean-spirited, and even unchristian.

As followers of Jesus, we are called to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15, 25-32). This one instruction is challenging for most of us. Once we tell someone the truth, and they respond with fury and vitriol, we back off from doing it again. 

The side effect is that it is extremely difficult to get people who care about us to tell us the truth again. They gloss over our shortcomings and make excuses for our poor behavior. Giving half-truths and sugarcoated honesty is much more pleasant than going through that frustration again. 

If we have someone who will speak the truth in love to us, treat them as more valuable than gold. We know that they don’t mean it in a mean way.