I have followed my favorite comedian for the past three years. By following him, I mean listening to his podcast every week. Often, I listen to it initially and then return to watch it on YouTube later in the week. He and three friends share stories of their lives, their experiences as comics, and part of their quirky personalities.

I also follow his social media feed, where he shares information about his life and tour. There is also a Facebook group comprised of podcast listeners who share their stories about seeing him perform or meeting him in person after a show.

Finally, I have seen him perform three times. I have also watched his three one-hour specials and his half-hour on Netflix. Before that, he had two CDs and a show on Comedy Central. All of these I have digested multiple times.

Through all his material, I have come to know him well. He has shared numerous stories of his upbringing, life, family, and plans for the future.

Recently, he had the opportunity to host Saturday Night Live. What fascinated me was how many of his fans, like me, reacted. They posted how it felt like a family member was getting his shot at greatness. Others shared how it felt like an old friend had made a success of his life. People wrote about all kinds of beautiful feelings about him getting this opportunity.

Here is the funny part. NONE of them know him personally. They only know him through the material he produces. While they feel very close to him, he has no idea who they are. He has never eaten with them, shared a personal moment, and has no affection beyond them being a fan. They view him as a friend, and he doesn’t know the first thing about them. It is a one-sided relationship.  

Why do I tell you all this? Because this is how many preachers feel.

Their congregation may love them, but they feel overwhelmingly lonely. They have no real friends. No one invites them into their lives and homes. They know a lot about him from the material he produces but nothing personally. 

There are significant differences between being a fan and being a friend.