This year, several people in the Church I lead have been attempting to do “intentional discipleship.” The people who have stepped up as leaders in this project have been using one of two books to assist them. One is titled “Rooted,” and the other “The Disciple’s Journey.”

It has been exciting to see people stepping up to disciple others, and it is equally thrilling to see people grow as followers of Jesus while being discipled.

As the year winds down and most groups finish, I have had several conversations about the process. Some people loved the material, and others didn’t. Some people didn’t like the time commitment of daily readings and weekly discussions. The feedback has been insightful for improvements in the coming year.

The most common response has been, “They want to know what study we are going to do next.” The people who went through the material loved the small group of 2 or 3 people working through a book. They wanted to keep learning together as a group when it was finished.

While this is not entirely bad, there is a need for a mindset shift. This adjustment is from “I want to know more” to “I have so much to teach others.”

Jesus, after spending three years with his disciples, instructs them to go and make disciples. Then those people will go and make disciples, and so on and on it goes. The goal is not for us to keep learning and learning throughout our Christian lives but for us to keep learning and teaching others. 

These are two very different viewpoints. It is like going to a restaurant, eating a delicious meal, and saying, “I am going to come eat this every week.” Compared to having a meal and saying, “I want to make that at home for my family and friends to enjoy too.”

Most people who tell you about their issues are not looking for advice. They do not want you to solve their problems. 

People want to talk through their struggles more than find an answer. Or perhaps they want to talk through the answers until they are ready to act.

Listening is a vital act of friendship. It doesn’t necessitate psychological wisdom but requires you to give up your time.

Few people remember the reasons for their choices, but they can definitely tell you who listened to them as a friend when their decisions were complicated.   

It has been said that what you see in the world reflects what is in your heart.

To a thief, all men are thieves. To a liar, all men are liars. To the person who hurts, all people are out to hurt them.

An optimistic view is also possible.

To a kind person, other people are kind too. To the loving person, other people are loving individuals.

What you see in the world says more about you than about other people.

Churches love to exalt their preacher or worship leader. The people who take center stage often attract the most attention and, therefore, are often considered the biggest heroes of the group.

As a preacher, I firmly believe that nothing the people on stage do would mean much without several unsung heroes.

1. The people who make the serving schedules. Trying to coordinate a large group of volunteers is incredibly complicated. Someone always wants time off or has special events that change the original plan. Putting it all together each week is a challenge.  

2. The people who pick out the songs and plan the worship program. Each week seems so streamlined, but it requires effort. Finding songs that match the sermon and then getting them in the correct key for everyone to sing isn’t always easy. Working on special music weeks in advance and ensuring everything flows is time-consuming.

3. The people who input and run the computer. There are two sides to what you see on the screen each week. First are the people who input everything, find backgrounds, and spell check. Second are those who run the computers on Sunday morning, ensuring everything is on the screen at the right time. It is far more complex than it appears.

4. The people who run and maintain the sound system. Since we have a different group of people singing weekly, sound checks and adjustments must be made every week. Cords, mics, and batteries all often need to be replaced. The sermon will be heard through a speaker system, just like the worship. Without these dedicated people, nothing gets heard.

As a preacher, I can tell you that very little happens on Sunday morning without these people. Most of their work will go completely unnoticed until something messes up, and they will only hear complaints. But I am here to tell you that behind the scenes, the people who do these four things are the true heroes of faith.

Whenever you name something, specific meanings are invoked by the word you use.

The Church of my childhood was led by a board with a chairman. He assigned people to committees for the work that needed to be done. The words evoke a picture of people sitting at big tables whose primary responsibility is to make decisions. There are presentations, discussions, and probably a vote.

I was dying under the weight of all the committees and meetings when I became a pastor. I was standing in my alma mater’s bookstore when a man overheard the conversation and said, “Perhaps ministry teams could save your Church.”

The word “ministry” conjures up the image of people serving the Lord. The group is doing something for other people in the name of Jesus. It is an active word with spiritual overtones.

The word “team” is exceedingly familiar to most people. It is a group of people working together for victory. They put aside their differences for a singular goal of success in their activity.

When used together, those two words capture what the Church is about. We are about serving the Lord Jesus together to make and grow disciples.

Decisions must be made, but those are not the end goal. The hope is that people will work for the kingdom of God and do it together. I think the man in the bookstore was correct, “Perhaps ministry teams could save the Church” from the onslaught of committees. 

The Church leadership article stated, “As the Bible says, ‘Where there is no vision, the people perish.'” The writer was referring to the future plans of the organization as inspired by the pastor. It was a challenge to be forward-thinking.

A quote like this sounds great until you do some digging. If you looked up the verse they are quoting in the New International Version, you would see it reads like this, “Where there is no revelation, people cast off restraint. (Proverbs 29:18)”

Those two things do not sound much alike, so what is happening?

The writer was quoting the King James Version of the verse. It is not so much a mistranslation as words coming to mean different things historically. The word “vision” was not used as forward-thinking until the last 50 years. The English Standard Version translates it as “prophetic vision.” The word for vision is the concept of special revelation from God. We might understand it as the Bible.

“Perish” is also a little tricky to translate into English. The word “restraint” is reasonably close. The primary connotation is that people will do whatever they want. They will make up their own rules and laws, which often lead to destruction. This unrestrained lifestyle leads people away from God, where they will perish.

This verse is not a plea for visionary leaders or an organization like the Church will die. Instead, it is a plea for people to turn to the Bible, so they do not have to live in chaos. 

There is an increasing push on the leaders of the local Church to become like the CEO and board of a growing business. The leaders are decisive, draw hard lines, the bottom line dominates discussions, and everyone has an equal vote. In fact, many Church leaders who blog continually refer to the business books they are reading and teach how those influence their thinking. The common thought is that businesses like Chick-fil-A, Starbucks, Amazon, and Apple have much to teach the Church about leadership. 

In contrast, I continually see that a family is one of the primary metaphors for the Church in the New Testament. The local Church is one big happy family. Numerous analogies are used, but I find this one to be the most challenging regarding leadership today. 

Family leadership is so unlike the business world. In the family grace rules, forgiveness is required, some lines are hard to draw, everyone’s opinion is considered, and each member’s physical, mental, and emotional health is primary.

When you are in a family, you learn to deal with aging parents and the value of compassion. You walk through the searing pain of loss together. We all have that crazy relative we have to learn to handle in group functions. There is the heart-wrenching difficulty of forgiving and being forgiven. With children comes the nearly unbearable emotional trauma of the prodigal son. Every day in a family seems to teach you more about communication, love, mercy, along with dependence on others. 

I firmly believe that great Church leaders are not forged in the board rooms of corporate America; instead, they are made at the dinner tables and living rooms of our homes. 

Often, I will ask someone to step up as a leader in some area of the Church, and they give me a list of reasons they are not qualified in response. I am convinced that if you have faith in God and years of family experience, you have all you need.  

Sometime … it will be the last time.

The last holiday together as a family. The last gift you will ever give. The last conversation you will share. The last time you will see those people. The final goodbye.

Everything you do will one day be the last time you do it on this side of eternity.

The tricky part is that you rarely know when that time will come. 

The wisdom of age is drinking deeply into your soul the shared moments of love and connection, knowing this could be it.

It also means acting wisely today. Doing the right things day after day so there are no regrets. That means speaking your love, offering forgiveness, making the connection, and being right with your maker and the ultimate judge. It means telling your loved ones about Jesus, serving to make a spiritual difference, and giving generously in the name of our Lord. It is a life of obedient faith spent knowing our God through his word, prayers, and quiet time with him.

Whenever Jesus speaks of his return, it is always an unexpected and abrupt event. Yet he never drifts into sentimentalism about loss. He shifts the conversation to preparation for the next step on our journey with God.

Living with the reality that today might be our last day should help us appreciate what we have AND motivate us to be ready for where we are going. Don’t just do the former. 

I’m not particularly eager to use the words “friendship” or “relationship” when speaking about people in the Church. My preferred word is “connection.” I want people to connect to one another, feel connected, and make a meaningful personal connection.

What does it mean to make a connection?

First is to demonstrate to someone, “I see you.”  Most of the people I know are hiding in plain sight. They keep quiet, stand in the back, and do nothing to draw attention to themselves. There is an extraordinary power in making someone feel seen, and it states that I value you as a person.

Second is to subtly say, “I have room for you.”   Putting down your phone, making eye contact, engaging with a question, smiling, and giving someone your time are powerful gestures of inclusion. Let people know you are glad they are present, and include them in your conversation.

Finally, it is to “actively follow up.” All of us have met someone who made us feel special in the moment, and then we never saw them again. Drop a text, possibly make a call, sit with them the next time you see them, and even actively seek the other person out when you are in the same place. These actions demonstrate that you genuinely have room in your life for them. 

I truly believe that if you open your eyes, mind, and heart to other people, you can find someone to connect with. All of us are looking, but few find anyone looking back in return. You can be a walking demonstration of what it means to love one another as a Christian by doing these three simple things.  

Remember when you looked at them and, with anger coursing through your veins, stated, “I will never forgive you for this?” Maybe the words didn’t come out of your mouth but were emblazoned on your mind with indelible ink. What they did or said, their behavior or inactivity, seemed beyond forgiveness.

When you become a follower of Jesus, there is a time when you need to revisit that moment. Paul’s encouragement to the Christians in the city of Colossae is “Forgive as the Lord forgave you.” (Col 3:13). 

It has been said that Christians are to forgive the worst in others because God forgave the worst in them. Just as God is able to forgive your vial, evil, wicked, nasty, awful behavior, you are to do the same with others, no matter how unforgivable the incident may seem. 

For many people, the holiday season is a time of joy, but for others, it will stir those angry feelings. What if you took the message of Jesus and used it as a catalyst to forgive that person?

I am not saying you have to rebuild a relationship. I am not saying their actions were good, and your anger is unjustified. I am asking if you could give the gift of forgiveness to someone to end this year.

You will be amazed that the person you set free is you.