I stood in their office for a minute and looked around, waiting for them to return.

One clear thought went through my head as my eyes scanned their bookshelves. “I am judging you based on the books you own and presumably read.”

For Christians to grow strong in their faith, they need to read good books. They must be exposed to the Christian classics that have endured the test of time. They must dig into some profound theology and have academic-level books. Their shelves should contain deep thoughts, great stories, and time-tested wisdom. 

A Christian should not read every new book being published. They cannot live on a steady diet of the latest pop theology. Their shelves should not contain all of the works from one author and nothing else. Growth will stagnate if you only expose yourself to shallow thinking, best sellers, and limited wisdom. 

Christians are disciples. And disciples are learners. One of the best ways to learn is to read. But please – read good books. 

When our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ walked the earth, he chose twelve men as his closest followers. They were called disciples because they were learning the way of Jesus through his words and watching his actions. These men spent three years with God’s chosen Messiah.

And one of those twelve men was Judas, who would betray him.

Not only did he betray Jesus, but we are also told in John chapter 12 that he helped himself to whatever was in the money bag. We are not told one positive story about the life of Judas in all the New Testament. 

And yet, Jesus chose him as one of his closest twelve followers. 

In part, Jesus selects him because his betrayal would ultimately bring about his death and the salvation of humanity. The grand providential plan included Judas. 

But I often wonder if it was also a walking demonstration of the grace of God. Jesus’ closest companions included a person who did not care about him. Judas was not concerned about the mission of Jesus but was using his connection to profit from it. And when he thought he could gain more by betraying him, he seized the opportunity.

The whole time this happens, Jesus never says a bad word about the man. There is no shouting or pouring out of righteous indignation. Jesus always treats him the same as the other eleven. Jesus’ model of love and compassion has no limits.

This is significant because someone in your life probably represents a Judas. They don’t honestly care about you. They are only with you for what they can get. And they would sell you out instantly if they thought it would benefit them.

How do you treat a person like that? 

Treat them like Jesus did Judas – with kindness and grace.  

No one in your life is beyond Christian love because no one was beyond Jesus’ love.   

Everyone is going to go through a season of loss. Death eventually hits close to home, and we all feel the sting of separation.

Our natural inclination is to try to avoid feeling grief. Denial is the first stage and perhaps the biggest trap. We claim we are not struggling, or we repress our feelings so that we do not show weakness. 

Once we open our hearts to our loss, we will walk through anger, bargaining, depression, and finally, acceptance. It is a long, arduous journey that rips your heart out and drives you to the bottom of your emotions. No one wants to go through grief, but it is something we all must do. 

But this post is not about you going through the heartbreak of loss. This post reminds you that many of the people you encounter each day are somewhere on this journey.

Why did they get so angry? Why do they always seem so sad? Why are they on such an emotional roller coaster?

The answer might be that they lost someone they care about and are trying to come to terms with it. Grief makes your life a mess for a while. That is true for everyone. 

One more reason we must live each day filled with grace and forgiveness towards others is that you don’t know how someone is hurting.  

What you learn after you know it all is the most crucial information you will ever acquire.

When you realize that your education and experience left you with some gaps in your knowledge, you can finally start listening.

As long as we think we know it all, we will close our ears and hearts to all the voices trying to help us. It doesn’t matter your gender, age, or race; any person can rest in their current level of understanding and stop growing.

This is especially true in the Church. Christians might think, “I learned those stories as a child,” or “I have been in Church my whole life,” and stop listening to those trying to teach them.

If we ever accept that there may still be much for us to learn. A whole world of information opens up, and we can finally move toward spiritual maturity. 

When you finally start connecting to a group of believers profoundly and meaningfully, you will soon realize these people have issues. You will find out that the leaders are struggling. Not everyone always acts like a Christian; many of their children are disobedient, and the average person would describe their life as a mess.

This is the point where people start looking around at other Churches. That one has it all together. Those people over there have no issues. That leader is confident and above average. That group over there supports one another, and no one ever seems angry about anything.

It doesn’t take long until we have convinced ourselves that the grass is greener in that pasture.

I have been around Church my entire life in multiple capacities, and I am here to tell you that every Church has issues, but some hide it much better than others. Some Churches are good at sweeping their problems under the rug of meetings. There are personal and private meetings, and family issues are kept secret to only a few. If you are ever able to break into the core group, you suddenly find years of neglected and avoided problems lurking. As a pastor with a Church of 2,000 people once said, “The only difference between us and a Church of 200 is that we have ten times the problems.”

The grass is not greener anywhere else. Even the first Churches mentioned in the Bible had doctrinal struggles, leadership vacancies, immorality, and false teachers. Read through the pages of the New Testament and notice all the times the writer was trying to fix something in the Church he was addressing. Communities of faith started by the Apostles had struggles, and all of them today still do.

The question is not, “Where can I go to find a great Church without any problems.” Instead, it is, “Where can I go to help people work through their issues while they help me work through mine.”

Recently, I saw a beautiful painting of a man from behind, presumably Jesus, walking on a lovely, calm stretch of water. He is portrayed as peaceful and, at the same time, powerful. The artwork moved me, and I felt chills run down my arms.

The longer I sat there, the more I started running through the Bible story of Jesus walking on the water in Matthew chapter 14. In that account, the disciples are out on the sea, and their boat is “buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.” Jesus finishes praying, and he goes out to them, walking on the lake.

They all see Jesus and are terrified, thinking it is a ghost. They call out to him in fear, and Jesus says, “Take courage; it is I.” Peter says to Jesus, “If it is you, tell me to come to you on the water.”

Peter steps out of the boat. He sees the wind and waves, becomes afraid, and begins to sink. The storm is still blowing, and the lake is rough. The wind dies after Jesus grabs Peter from sinking and climbs in the boat (Matthew 14:32).

The Biblical story is straightforward: Jesus does not take a leisurely stroll on the lake on a quiet afternoon. He walks out onto a raging sea pushed back and forth by the driving wind. Jesus is present with the disciples in the wind and the waves. 

Far too often, I meet people who express an interest in faith, Jesus, or the Church, but they want to wait until “things calm down” to make any commitment. Their life is hectic, and it feels like they are always running against the wind. I respond that Jesus wants to be present with you in those wind-blown moments. He is powerful and wants to bring peace to our lives, but only when we trust him in the wind.

The man said, “You struggle in your relationships because you are trying to convince more than you connect.”

The speaker was talking about business relationships. One of the reasons we struggle in the workplace is because we are out to prove we are right rather than listening to the people around us. We are desperate to convince people of our viewpoint that we forget to connect to them as people.

But the application is greater than that. 

With your spouse, many struggles (especially early in marriage) are you trying to convince them that your actions are the correct way to do things.

With unbelievers, Christians try to beat people over the head with their faith without caring about the other person’s feelings. 

Interestingly, the more we connect to people, the greater the chance they will begin to see things from our viewpoint. Connection becomes the key to convincing.

The next time you find yourself in conflict, ask yourself, “Is this because I am defending my views and trying to convince the other person I am correct?” If so, maybe it is time to rethink your attitude and try to connect to that person through listening and becoming sympathetic.

One way fosters your ego and the other relationships.

I am not the same person I was five years ago. I am definitely not the same as I was 10, 20, or 30 years ago. 

There has been a lot of new information and experience gained in this life. I have read more, listened, learned, and grown in my depth of knowledge. I have seen birth, death, loss, love, joy, and pain. These things have shaped my thoughts, feelings, and reactions to others. 

If you knew me at my previous ministries, you need to get to know me again. The person I was back then is a faint reflection of who I am now. 

I hope the same is true for you. I hope you have not gotten stuck in one way of thinking over a lifetime. I hope you have grown and matured, especially as a believer in Jesus.

Here is where this gets tricky. That person who made you mad may have changed since you first picked up your grudge. When you think of how different you are today, know that other people will likely be the same way. They might regret what they said or did and wish they could take it all back.

Perhaps the new you needs to let go of the past to form an even better future you.

Fitness without exercise.

Knowledge without study.

Skill without practice.

Quality without cost.

Discipleship without sacrifice.

None of those things are possible, no matter how much you want them. 

Many of us are on a quest for the extraordinary. We want to do significant things that will leave memories for a lifetime. We want an expensive vacation or the grandest gestures of love. We want to experience something that takes our breath away. We want to remember the extraordinary things we did with the people in our lives.

Too often, we miss the ordinary in our quest for the extraordinary. While the other things might seem grand, they usually let us down.

When I preach a funeral, I ask the family to tell me what they will miss about this person. The response always fascinates me. They will talk about some quirky habit or way they handled things. They will share stories of how they spoke and the phrases they repeated. They will tell me about quiet moments of conversation that impacted their soul. They will speak of game nights, hugs, walks, and moments around a campfire. The things that touch our souls are often the most ordinary.

One way to live an amazing life is not to have or do more. Instead, it is to focus on what you have and enjoy the ordinary moments.

Take time with the people you love, put the phone down, and listen. Lean in, and don’t worry about how you will respond. Walk and chat about your day, even if it is raining. Sit quietly over a meal and ask your kids about their lives without comment or judgment. Write notes to one another or send heartfelt texts. Sit quietly on the porch and watch the sun rise or set. 

Everyone thinks that life is composed of these grand moments that make it worth living when I believe it is made up of a thousand ordinary moments that are the source of joy greater than money can buy.