You Have To Want It (A Marriage Post)

Last night my wife and I were talking about a few couples that we know who are going through marriage struggles. We spoke about how we could help and what we could do for them. As the conversation wore on we both reached the same conclusion. It is almost impossible to help a couple if only one person wants to work on fixing it.

Any couple who comes to me for counseling will experience the same first session. It is designed to ask the question, “Do you both want to work on your marriage?” One of the ways I do this is to listen, but I also ask for a follow-up meeting. Then I see how quickly each person works to make it happen. That is one huge indicator. If you want to fix your marriage you will drop everything to make it happen.

The second thing I do is assign homework. It is simple to do, just come back with a list of all the things you love about your spouse. Answer the question of “why you fell in love in the first place”. Then at the second session I look to see who completed the homework. If only one did the assignment then only one person cares about saving the relationship. That is indicator number two.

If one of the people in the marriage is not willing to drop everything and do whatever is necessary to save their marriage then I can rarely do anything with that couple. But if both people are willing to do the work then I know that couple will make it. The difference is not the words I say or the assignments I give. The difference is that one marriage has two people willing to work for it and the other does not. That makes all the difference.

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