I Still Do

I am about to celebrate 34 years being a follower of Jesus. There have been a lot of ups and downs during those years. There have been moments of perfect faith when I walked out with Jesus on the water and did not sink. There have been moments when my faith was so week that I couldn’t even see Jesus outside of the boat while I hunkered down and hoped he wouldn’t see me. I have felt the extremes of joy and the depths of depression. Through all those years my faith has ultimately grown, but I have a few confessions to make.

I still have doubts about certain aspects of faith.
I still have questions about Jesus.
I still find it hard to read my Bible.
I still struggle to worship every Sunday morning.
I still do not understand a lot of deep doctrine.
I still am confused by the Old Testament
I still have issues with some of the other people who claim to follow Jesus.
I still feel guilt in my soul when I remember certain sins.
I still want to have a bigger faith.
I still wonder if I will ever feel completely mature as a Christian.

The reason I feel compelled to tell all of you this is because when I get Christians to really open up about faith, I find they usually feel the same way. Maybe there is a since of comfort that we all struggle in this thing called faith. All of us have doubts and questions and issues that we are working through. None of us has it all figured out – none of us.

One of the great things about faith is that no where does the Bible imply that we have to have all the answers or completely understand all that we believe. Instead the Bible invites us into a journey of following Jesus through everything we think and feel. I picture it like a marriage. I have days in which I don’t feel love or understand what is going on, but I stick to it anyway. What I find is that through the years the issues get smaller, I grow in my understanding and eventually I realize that most of my struggles weren’t really ever that important.

I still have issues. I am still going to keep following.

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3 thoughts on “I Still Do

  1. Thank you for sharing. It is strangely comforting to know my minister,preacher and friend feels the same way I do….I guess this goes to prove I’m not the only one hiding behind masks of who people think I am.
    As I’m on this journey of retraining my brain and struggling to clean up my unconscious thoughts…others are fighter the same core issues.

    Thanks again for sharing and bless you.

  2. I always love it when a pastor, or any church leader, expresses some level of doubt. In the church I grew up in, doubt was rarely expressed and when questions were asked they were met with dismissal or people (ok, me) were told that our questions were satan at work. I thought something was wrong with the church or me, so when I left home I felt no need to continue to be part of the church. Years later, I returned to the church (a story for another day). This blog post by Michael Spencer played a huge part in my reconciliation with the church. This guy was a PASTOR (and a BAPTIST pastor, at that) who seemed to have more doubts than me, but also an enviable amount of faith. That’s what I wanted and now I saw that it was possible.

    http://www.internetmonk.com/archive/imonk-classic-i-have-my-doubts

    Thanks for sharing so much of yourself with us. Makes others feel comfortable to do the same.

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