Still Trying to Say Goodbye

I have a big desk calendar that I have nailed to my wall. I know we live in a digital world and most people keep their schedule on their phone or tablet. I still keep a big old desk version of each month so that I can see it at a quick glance.

Today is May 5th, and I have on my calendar written two words and drawing of a sad face. In today’s box is written “Dad’s Birthday.”

Today was supposed to be his 82nd birthday. Some time later I looked at the date, and I just drew a sad face. I really don’t know what else to do.

Today I should have called him and talked for a while about fishing and my boys and how he stopped having birthdays at 39 years old. Occasionally I could get him to confess to being 49, but it never went further than that.

Instead, I find myself still trying to say goodbye.

It has been four months, and it hurts as bad today as it did the first day.

With each passing day and month, I am trying to be thankful for two things.

First, I am glad God allowed him to be my dad. I was blessed with two wonderful parents whom I love deeply. I am thankful to have had such a great father. I am, and I was, truly blessed.

Second, I am thankful for the hope of heaven. I do not know how anyone makes it through the loss of a loved one who is not a believer. I rest in my faith. While the hurt remains, I find in it the hope of Jesus as our Savior. Dad understood his faith, and I know he is in Paradise with Christ.

Today is hard. You may know what I am going through and I feel sorry for you too. The loss is hard. Some days I hate Adam and Eve and their stupid mistake. Then I am thankful for Jesus and amazing faithfulness. Combined I find hope in the darkness. There is a light in the valley of the shadow of death.

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One thought on “Still Trying to Say Goodbye

  1. I have lost both of my parents, and Sue has lost her dad. We miss them all the time. Because of Jesus we have the hope , as you do with your dad, of being able to see them again in heaven. The pain gets better, but hopefully the memory’s never go away.

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