I have a big desk calendar that I have nailed to my wall. I know we live in a digital world and most people keep their schedule on their phone or tablet. I still keep a big old desk version of each month so that I can see it at a quick glance.
Today is May 5th, and I have on my calendar written two words and drawing of a sad face. In today’s box is written “Dad’s Birthday.”
Today was supposed to be his 82nd birthday. Some time later I looked at the date, and I just drew a sad face. I really don’t know what else to do.
Today I should have called him and talked for a while about fishing and my boys and how he stopped having birthdays at 39 years old. Occasionally I could get him to confess to being 49, but it never went further than that.
Instead, I find myself still trying to say goodbye.
It has been four months, and it hurts as bad today as it did the first day.
With each passing day and month, I am trying to be thankful for two things.
First, I am glad God allowed him to be my dad. I was blessed with two wonderful parents whom I love deeply. I am thankful to have had such a great father. I am, and I was, truly blessed.
Second, I am thankful for the hope of heaven. I do not know how anyone makes it through the loss of a loved one who is not a believer. I rest in my faith. While the hurt remains, I find in it the hope of Jesus as our Savior. Dad understood his faith, and I know he is in Paradise with Christ.
Today is hard. You may know what I am going through and I feel sorry for you too. The loss is hard. Some days I hate Adam and Eve and their stupid mistake. Then I am thankful for Jesus and amazing faithfulness. Combined I find hope in the darkness. There is a light in the valley of the shadow of death.