My wife and I fought. A loud, shouting fight. We did not cuss at each other, but we got loud and expressed our mutual opinions emphatically. I know the neighbors heard and I sure it might have started a rumor or two. I don’t deny it. It happened.
In fact, if you want me to be brutally honest, it happens every few months. We argue. We fight and fuss. We reach a conclusion. We make up. We move on. I don’t think there is anything wrong or unbiblical about disagreeing with one another. We are two unique individuals trying to become one in Jesus as a married couple.
One day I was reading the Bible and came across a familiar passage. In Matthew chapter 19 Jesus is asked about divorce. Jesus gives a response to the questions, “Is it lawful to divorce for any and every reason?” His answer gives us a big view of marriage.
Matthew 19:4-6 “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ (5) and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? (6) So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
Jesus lines out the fundamental theology of marriage. God created men and women, and then he told them to come together as couples. This union included leaving your father and mother and becoming one flesh. Then comes the statement about divorce. They are no longer two, but one so let no one separate them. Jesus is against divorce and recognizes that when it happens, hearts are torn apart, and emotional damage is done.
This one time I finally noticed something that had alluded me for years. In the middle of verse 6, Jesus says, “What God has joined together.” Wait, what? I thought marriage was about signing government paperwork. I thought getting married was making parents happy and a demonstration of a lifelong commitment. I thought marriage was about pleasing God by having a union before him. That is not what the passage says. Jesus proclaims that marriage is about two individuals being joined together by God. When a couple has a wedding day, God is the one doing the real work. He is taking two and joining them together as one.
And because of that verse, I fight with my wife.
1. Because Divorce is Not an Option For Us. The Lord does not want us to be separated, and we are sticking to that decision.
2. Because God is the Center of Our Marriage. My wife and I have dedicated our lives to Jesus, and we are going to follow him together, even if it is not easy.
3. Because Some Things are Worth Fighting For. Couples that don’t fight are the ones in trouble. They have given up on working together.
Let me be clear; I am not writing this to make anyone who has been divorced feel like a failure. I think most couples will admit that the separation has been hard on them, but God is full of grace.
I am saying that God brought my wife and me together and no matter how difficult some days seem. We are husband and wife … end of story. If we are going to live together that way, there will be disagreements and struggles. Conflict is not the sign of a bad marriage; it is the sign of a committed couple working through their differences.