I swore that I would never do it again. I made mental promises to God and with myself. I would not act that way EVER again.
And then I did it anyway.
This time it only took a week. I broke my promise to myself just that quick.
It seems no matter how much I commit myself not to feel that way, think that way or act that way, I fail.
The problem of humanity, ALL of it (including religious leaders), is that we are flawed people. We are not intrinsically good; we only have good intentions. Sometimes we like to judge ourselves by our intentions rather than our actions, but those are not true. If we use a proper measuring rod, we will find we are not good people. I know I am not. I cannot even live up to my own standards.
The message of the Bible affirms this truth. Jesus did not come to call together a bunch of good people to go out and do good works. He went to a cross for sinful people. He died for ungodly people like me and like you. Faith in Jesus reminds me that I am not a good person, and I desperately need a savior. Despite my best intentions, I always break my deals with God and with myself.
Recently I made a new deal with myself. Every time I fall short of God’s desire, I remind myself of grace. I then ask God for the power I need to stop my behavior. I need his grace, and I need his strength to change me. For me to overcome my sin, I need something far more significant than myself, no matter how many promises I make.