Overcoming “That Moment” in Marriage

If you ask most people who are divorced when they knew it was over, they can give you an exact moment. At the very least, there is a story they can point to where they knew they were in trouble. Through the years, I have asked dozens of divorced people, “When did you know it was over?” and they have given me the details of an interaction.

Interestingly, most of the time, it is not a story you would picture as being the end. It is not when he yelled and broke the dish. It was not when she admitted to an affair. It happened when they were talking, and something was said that was completely unexpected. One lady told me about dating for a few years, and on their wedding night, he took out the Gideon’s Bible and started reading it and making fun of it. For the next eight years, they were married; she could never shake the image. Another gentleman told me a conversation his wife was having with their children about how they need to get an education and not end up in a dead-end, manual labor job like daddy. Through the years, he had paid all the bills, put her through college, and suddenly he was a second-class citizen. He tried to stay together for the kids, but it fizzled as he could never shake that one conversation. I could go on and on listing people who saw or heard something that became this watershed moment in their marriage.

Here is the scary part, most married people I know hold onto a story like that in their mind. It is quite possible that you have this one encounter in the back of your mind that you are keeping as photographic proof that you are justified if your marriage ends. You have some horrific tale that you keep logged away that could become “that moment” when you knew it was over.

My advice to you today is simple. If you are married, then you need to let go of that moment. You need to forgive. You need to decide to not focus on it anymore. You need to write a new story into your mind. You need to focus on the positive. You need to talk about what happened with your spouse. You need to speak with a trusted Christian friend. You need to pray that God will overcome that moment. You need to seek counseling. You need to do everything within your power to remove that incident from being such a permanent fixture in your mind.

Here is what I am telling you; if you do not address that moment, it will eventually destroy your marriage. One day you will be telling your pastor about what happened and how you knew it would never work out. You will have a story to prove your spouse was a miserable person, and you were justified to end the relationship.

There is another choice, though. You can decide to work on that one scene from your marriage. You can focus your attention and find healing. You can find a reason to stay together that is far greater than any other moment. Sure, they may be numerous things wrong with your marriage, but getting past that one moment is the key to dealing with them all. Please, I beg you in the name of Jesus, work on it today.

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