Why did they do that?
That one question leads us to make up all kinds of stories in our heads. We create stories behind their actions or lack thereof. Inside our minds, we say, “I bet they did not come tonight because they were working late. You know their job is demanding.”
Not only do we create stories, but we also assign intent. We make a scenario that explains the motives behind their actions. We tell ourselves, “They did that to hurt me,” and our anger grows. Possibly we give them an excuse, “Well, deep down, I know they didn’t mean to hurt me, and I will let it slide this one time.”
How many times have you been disappointed, angry, frustrated, sympathetic, or sad not because of what someone did but because of the story you created in your head to go along with their action?
Unfortunately, we far too make many false assumptions, fake stories, and wrong guesses when we do this. And yet, we continue to do it every day. One challenge in life for everyone, especially for the believer, is to see the best in other people while silencing the voice in our head.
I don’t know why you did that unless you tell me.
My guesses are almost always wrong and do nothing but create tension, anxiety, anger, and even depression. We must let other people tell us the truth and then accept it at face value. This is so simple and yet incredibly hard to do. But if you could do it, I am sure it would improve your marriage, parenting skills and even build stronger friendships. Often the person standing in the way of you having healthy and happy relationships is you.