John Koenig initially used this new word in 2012 in his project, The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows. His work aims to develop new terms for emotions that currently lack words. The German word for sorrow reportedly inspires his newly coined term.    

The complete definition in his dictionary is “the realization that each random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own – populated with their own ambitions, friends, routines, worries and inherited craziness – an epic story that continues invisibly around you like an anthill sprawling deep underground, with elaborate passageways to thousands of other lives that you’ll never know existed, in which you might appear only once, as an extra sipping coffee in the background, as a blur of traffic passing on the highway, as a lighted window at dusk.”

Other dictionaries give it this simplified definition. “The realization that there aren’t any main characters in the world, and everyone has a complex life, thoughts, crushes, relatives, dreams, and mind just as your own.”

The primary idea is that every single person has a story. So while you may be the main character in your story, you also understand that you are a background player in someone else’s story.

As a believer, we understand that God can use our scene in their story to impact its outcome. Everyone we meet has their own tale, but we have the opportunity to interject love, grace, kindness, and hope where it has been lacking.

Sonder is a good feeling, but that does not make you less important. On the contrary, it gives you the chance to impact other people’s stories for good.  

As he finished his sermon, he walked down from the stage to the front of the auditorium. He then offered what we call in Churches: an invitation. He told people that they could accept Jesus as their savior today or change their lives based on what God was speaking to them, primarily through his sermon. 

The appeal lasted a couple of minutes while the worship team walked to the stage and picked up their instruments. Then, at the preacher’s cue, they began to play and launched into a slower song that we used to call an invitation hymn. It was not a traditional hymn but a modern praise song about commitment to Jesus. 

While the band played the song, the preacher stood at the front, waiting for anyone in the Church to come forward. Finally, after a few moments, he raised his hand, and the band kept playing while he announced that you could come forward if you need prayer or just needed someone to talk to about something in your life. 

Again, the band played and sang while the preacher waited expectantly for anyone to come forward. Alas, no one went to the front of the Church in need of prayer or to make any decisions that day. As a pastor myself, I could see the disappointment in his eyes. He had spent a week praying and preparing a message hoping that the sermon would spur someone further along on their faith journey. He had hoped and asked God to move in the hearts and lives of the people there that day. His morning was filled with the expectation that God was going to do something in the life of someone. 

I know what that preacher was thinking and feeling because I feel the same way every week. We don’t sing an invitation hymn, but I stand at the front after the sermon for anyone who needs to talk. And every single week, I expect that God is doing something. 

Another Sunday is coming, and I am prepared. I have spent the week reading, writing, and praying. I am hoping God will move, and I am expecting to see results. All I need now is some people who have open hearts and minds to His leading. I expect something to happen, and I pray you do too.  

In Jesus’ day, the table was the center of social interaction. We refer to their practice as “table fellowship.”  Who you ate with was important. It showed acceptance of another person and meant you were treating them like family. One of the biggest criticisms of Jesus is that he ate with tax collectors and sinners. This is also why the early Church is described as eating together with glad and sincere hearts.

We have made the table all about the food in our culture. On my social media stream, I have seen several people posting pictures of the meal they prepared or the food they purchased at some restaurant. We have shows, channels, magazines, and books that are dedicated to nothing but food. They show how it is prepared and tell you where to get the best tasting whatever.

I think that Christians should reclaim the table for Jesus. Instead of focusing on the food you are making or eating, emphasize who is sharing your table. I would love to see pictures of people eating with new people at Church, recent converts, leaders, and unbelievers as an act of Christian love.

In a few weeks, no one will care about the dish you made or the meal you bought, but the people who walked through your life may be so thankful that you shared your table. I know you will be a different person if you use your table to the glory of God, and perhaps you can change someone’s life in the process.

The marriage counseling group called The Gottman Institute informs us that one of the vital building blocks to a strong marriage, and I think all relationships, is the “Bid for Connection.”

They describe these bids as “the fundamental unit of emotional connection.” They can be small or big, verbal or non-verbal, and fun or serious. They are our attempts to connect with another person in a deeper and more meaningful way. 

These bids can be a question like, “Tell me about how your day went?” or a statement like, “You will never believe what I saw today.”  Those are open invitations to connect. They can also be as simple as a long hug or holding your hand. This can occur in thousands of ways, depending on the person and the situation. If you open your senses to searching for these bids for connection, you will be amazed at how often people, especially your spouse, invite you into a meaningful conversation. 

There are three ways we respond to these bids. First, we can “turn toward” the person and acknowledge the bid. We can also “turn away” from the bid and ignore what was said or done. Finally, we can “turn against” the person by becoming angry and argumentative. 

Quite often, what destroys or builds a relationship is not some big event but rather a series of rejections to bids to connect. Trust, friendship, and compassion are grown through the moments of connection we give to someone else.

If you want a strong marriage and stronger relationships in general, open your eyes and ears to the bids around you. Taking time to connect when someone wants to open up will do more for you than you can imagine.

Half of your life is building relationships. Maybe it is new connections, or perhaps it is making the old ones stronger.

The other half of your life is saying goodbye to old relationships. Our connections change for various reasons. Some people move, other people change, and people pass away.

Building new friendships can be difficult. It takes time and effort, and who knows when those people will tell us goodbye. Sometimes, we think it is far easier to withdraw and not risk headaches or hurt. 

Despite the challenge, keep building relationships. The good will far outweigh the bad. Other people need you, and you need other people.

Some Christians, like me, need to be told this daily as a reminder. Maybe you need to hear it too.

I was raised attending Woodland Heights Christian Church in Crawfordsville, Indiana, with my family. Through the years, I have always tried to stay connected to the people there, at least through my parents. I return with my family every few years and enjoy a time of worship with them. This year on the first week of October, I was visiting my mother along with two of my boys, and we all attended Church together. 

It is fascinating how much the Church has changed through the years. There have been building upgrades, staff changes, new leadership, and a new worship area, contemporary worship added, and most attendees are people I have never met. This past visit reminded me how different things could become in just the five years since my last time there. 

Equally amazing to me are the things that stayed the same. I saw a retired staff member and friend who has been a part of the Church since my high school days. One of the elders was part of a Sunday School class I once attended. Several “senior saints,” along with my mother, are still a part of the Church and have a traditional worship time each Sunday. One of the worship leaders has been doing it since I was a child. Despite all the changes, I was amazed and encouraged by those who have spent a lifetime in that one Church community. 

The Church is an ever-changing group of people, and I am thankful for the ones who have remained faithful all these years.

Then I think about the Church I lead and wonder who will be here in another five or ten years. Who will still serve Jesus in this community twenty or thirty years from now? One dream for my ministry is not just to build up believers but to bring them together for a lifetime.

I know that people come and go, but I am overly thankful for those who stay. They have blessed my life, and I know many still bless others today. Thank God for the faithful few.

In a world full of hate, be kind.

When everyone holds a grudge, be forgiving.

Where no one speaks the truth, be honest.

If everyone else is compromising their values, show integrity.

When other people’s words are vulgar, speak gracefully.

In a world of self-absorbed people, value others.

When no one seems to care, be compassionate.

If everyone else is faithless, be faithful.

The world is full of people, and all of us can choose what type of people we become.

You can look that word up and learn.

It is easy to do in 2022. 

But you still need to surround yourself with good teachers, mentors, and people to support you. It is possible to be an autodidact in faith, but the community of believers is here to help you. You can do it alone, but you don’t have to.  

What do you get intense about?

What topic generates excitement and energy in you?

Whenever you get to do it, you can hardly wait.

What area gets you to talk louder and perhaps a little faster?

What subject brings out your strongest opinions and makes you a tad bit aggressive?

The prophet in the Old Testament named Jeremiah said, “But if I say, ‘I will not mention his word or speak any more in his name,’ his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.” (Jeremiah 20:9 – NIV 2011)

Jeremiah was intense about God and his word.

Are you?

Interpreting events is impossible without all the facts. Proper understanding can only be achieved with all the information.

It happened in a Walmart bathroom (please stay with me). I walked in and could hear a boy sobbing in the accessible stall. His father sounded like he was helping him, although his voice was calm and quiet. The young boy was having a fit. An occasional scream, with wailing and tears, kept coming. The dad remained nearly silent as he worked with the boy.

In my mind, all I could think was, “That little boy needs discipline. There is nothing in the world that requires this kind of reaction.” I wondered how that father could patiently endure his son’s tantrum. I was only in the bathroom for a few minutes, and my blood was already starting to boil. Finally, I thought, “This is almost unbearable to hear; maybe I should say something.”

Just then, the man opened the stall door, and all was revealed. The man appeared in his late 30s and held the whimpering boy in his arms. The young man had down syndrome, and tears rolled down his cheeks. The dad held him tight and only whispered, “It’s okay. You are fine.” 

Suddenly all my feelings change. In a fraction of a second, I went from angry to sympathetic. My emotions wholly transformed once I knew the truth of the situation. 

I wonder how often I have misread encounters because I did not have all the information.

Always remember that before you form an opinion about a person or a situation in their life, it is best to find out the total truth. The person who makes you angry more likely needs your help or sympathy than anything else.