Many of us live with damaged relationships. Something was said or done that separated us from a person we cared about deeply. We despair over that lost connection every time we see or think about them.

The road to building back a relationship is found in one word: forgiveness. Some of us need to say we are sorry for what happened and ask for forgiveness. Others of us should offer the forgiveness required to make things right again.

No relationship is beyond the power of forgiveness when offered or accepted as a gift. Sure, actions need to accompany words and feelings, but the first step is always getting right with the past.

My guess as a pastor is that you could begin to rebuild a relationship right now if you were willing to try forgiveness. And I also guess you already have a name in your mind. The only thing stopping you is you. 

Every Sunday morning, I sit in my office quietly for a couple of minutes when people start to arrive. I close my eyes and whisper, “You can do this. God will give you the strength and power.”

Then I turn it into a prayer. “Dear Lord, help me to be the pastor and the person I need to be. Give me the right words to say and your Spirit to say them.”

Going out into the congregation and engaging people is not my strength. However, I also know God wants me to connect meaningfully with people. 

I know the right thing to do, but I am naturally inclined not to do it. So, every Sunday morning, I give myself a pep talk. My old coach would say that I “psyche myself up.”

There is power in realizing you have control over your actions. You can overpower your emotions. You can find strength through your faith. You can do the right thing by stepping out of your comfort zone and trusting God to work through you.

This is not just true for preachers. It is true for everyone. You have the power to do God’s will even when every fiber of your being says, “I don’t want to.” Maybe you just need to give yourself a little pep talk. 

Suppose you want to find a reason to stay. You can find it. This can be your marriage, your job, your community, and even your Church.

Suppose you want to find a reason to leave. You can find it. This can be your marriage, your job, your community, and even your Church.

Most people decide what they want to do, and then they gather evidence to make their choice seem correct.  

There are all kinds of reasons out there for you to choose a particular path; the question is simply, “Which one are you looking for?”

It was a feeling I had never experienced.

The person was telling a story, and they ended by saying, “I was so very blessed” because this happened to me.

They didn’t know that I had taken similar steps in my life. I had done nearly the same things but had a very different outcome.

My feeling was a sickness in my soul. If they got the results they desired and considered themselves blessed, then what does that make me? What does that mean for me if I did the same things and got a very different result?

Is the opposite of blessed defined as being cursed? Is it punished? Am I judged? What is it?

The feeling shook me to my core. All these years, I have referred to people in my sermons as blessed and never realized how that made other people feel.

For Christians, it is essential to say that we are all blessed; others may simply be blessed differently. The blessings in your life may not look like those in mine. In fact, even hardship can be a blessing if it teaches us to love God more along with other people. Every situation and outcome can be a way that God loves us, grows us, and makes us long for more of him.   

When a believer describes themselves as blessed, I think it is important to underline that the opposite is not true. Other people are not cursed. Instead, we are all blessed differently.

I once hired a consultant to help our new Church as we launched it publicly. The associate I hired was one of the first people to talk to him. The consultant listed that one of his most significant achievements in ministry was starting five new Churches. My associate, who had a keen wit, asked him a question I had missed when I hired him to evaluate our Church. He asked, “How are the five Churches you started doing now?”

A blank stare came across his face, and he responded, “In all my years of consulting, no one has ever asked me that?” After some discussion, it appeared that two of his new Churches had closed, two were struggling, and one was thriving. 

I was so enamored with the idea of someone who could start five Churches that I forgot to ask the most crucial question: What were the long-term results?

Because of this encounter, it is now one of my biggest questions. When someone tells me about their marriage practices, I want to know where they are at year 30 or more. When someone tells me about how parenting should be done, I want to see their kids when they are past 25 years old. When someone thrives in ministry, I want to know where they are a few years later. 

Lots of things start with great excitement and fizzle into nothing. More than once, I have heard that this new thing was a “gift from God,” only to watch it fall apart over the coming years. 

If you want to build good habits and practices in your life, marriage, parenting, or ministry, look to people who have had long-term success. They will never be flashy or exciting, but their strategies may be the most successful when viewed over time.

There is a vast difference between something or someone that is making an immediate impact and those with long-term results. 

We have more time-saving devices and tools than any other generation in history. We have smartphones, microwaves, Google, and computers. In addition, thousands of items are specifically designed to help you shave precious minutes off every task. 

Yet, people are busier than at any other point in time. Whenever I talk to people, their common refrain is “I’m busy,” despite all these great new tools.

So where does your time go? And what is filling it up?

Just like you should do a regular financial audit to know where your money is going, you should also do a time audit. You must be aware of where your time is going.

When we stand before God, He will ask us what we did with our resources. How did we spend the money He gave us? How did we use the gifts and abilities He gave us? And how did we use our time?

Your problem is probably not a lack of time; instead, it is a lack of priorities, and you’re wasting a lot of time on things lacking eternal significance. 

They were upset about a decision the pastor had made. The leadership was in support, but they were not.

So they decided to skip Church worship for a few weeks. They would stay home. That would teach the pastor. They would withhold their time, money, and service. It would serve as a bit of punishment for the pastor for not doing what they desired for the Church.

They are not alone. Other people have quit the Church altogether. They reasoned if the Church would not do things their way, they would just quit. Sadly they did not go to another Church. They just left, and every time the pastor sees them, he will be reminded of his mistake that led to their lack of support.

You must know that skipping worship or quitting Church is not punishing the pastor. You are only punishing yourself.

I have been a Christian for over 43 years and a pastor for a little less than 30 years. I recently attended a conference, and a series of breakout sessions taught me things I had never learned. Quite honestly, I had never really even given their topic much thought until this year. 

While sitting in one session, I quietly bowed my head and said a prayer of apology to God. I am such a horrible pastor. How have I read the Scripture all these years and never noticed this? How could I have been a pastor this long and not considered doing this?

I want everyone to know:  I am still learning. After all this time, there is still much to learn about God, his word, and his people.

One day I hope to know all that I should, but until then, I will keep adding a little bit every day until the day God makes my knowledge complete in his presence.

Our Church community is in the process of becoming disciple-makers. That is my one goal for this year. I want to work with the leadership to develop Christians shaped by the Great Commission in Matthew 28:18-20. That means they are not simply learning the teachings of Jesus but following them. It will require us to go into the world and lead others into a relationship with our Savior. The result will be a group of disciples who are making more disciples, who are making more, and on and on it goes.

This is the question worth considering if you claim to be a follower of Jesus:  Are you a disciple worth reproducing?

If everyone read their Bible like you, would the Church be better? If everyone were to pray as you do? If everyone were to give like you do? If everyone were to serve as you do? If everyone were to live for Jesus as you do, would the Church be a better place?

Would it be good for the world if hundreds of “you” were running around?

If not, I think I know what you need to do first in your walk of faith.  

Throughout my elementary and Jr High school years, I played football and basketball. I spent countless hours having coaches teach me the rules, show me how plays worked, and instruct me in the fundamentals. Then when the practice was over, my dad would do his own coaching. He would share stories of his experiences and how he handled them.

By the time I reached high school, I realized I was short, slow, and too heavy to be a star. The thought of practicing hours and hours for a few garbage minutes in blowout games was crushing to me, and I decided to quit.

Then I transitioned to a new role. I became a spectator. Now I would sit in the crowd and watch what the other students were doing. But I was not just anyone in the stands; I had a thorough working knowledge of the game. I knew how things were supposed to run and could spot mistakes. I could criticize in specific ways that might be helpful to the team if they only listen to me. I was the informed spectator.

This is not just a story about sports; it’s an analogy for faith. Many people started walking with Jesus and added some basic Christian knowledge. Somewhere along the way, they realized that being a disciple of Jesus was tough. It requires hours of gaining knowledge and the willingness to implement it. It would push them to do things they were uncomfortable with and form habits that seemed like learning a foreign language.

One day the decision was made to become a spectator. We start showing up on Sunday and telling the people doing the work how they could improve. We suggest practices that could help them grow in their work. We might even talk to other people in the crowd, and we could all agree on how the players could improve. Everyone should listen to us because we are not just fans but informed spectators.

Jesus called us to be disciples, not spectators.