I am always hesitant to write anything about parenting since my children are not all grown up yet. Lately I have been feeling I needed to write something as I see a large number of parents whose children are headed down a path away from God. I hope you find this information helpful from someone who is a father of four and has been leading youth group at Church for over 20 years.

1. A Parent’s Faith Sets the Standard. Deuteronomy 6:7 tells us to impress faith on our children, but the previous verse says that God’s commands must be upon our hearts first. It is extremely rare that weak Christian parents produce good Christian children.
– Take the number of times you attend Church and know your children will probably attend less.
– Take the number of hours you serve the Lord through the Church and your children will serve less.
– Take the number of hours you read the Bible and pray and try to grow spiritually and you guessed it, your children will grow less.
*I do want to say that both mom and dad are important to this equation. If only one parent attends then the numbers get less and less. If dad doesn’t take faith seriously, the number of children who will grow up as strong Christians is extremely low.

2. Christian Friends Are Worth More Than Gold. I firmly believe that the biggest influences in the life of a teen between the ages of 14-16 are their friends. Their influence will decrease as they get older but their friends will still rival their parents influence into their 20’s and maybe 30’s.
– One reason Church is so vital is because it exposes children to other youth of like faith. It gives them a forum to work through their beliefs with other teens and caring adults. I think it is extremely important for a young person to be in Sunday School, youth group, FCA or some other Christian group weekly. They need to be there every week building strong relationships. It will take a long time, but the investment is worth it. HEAR THIS – young people who are not involved in their local Church before they are 14 will rarely grow up to follow Jesus. Yes, even that little angel you have at home who is 12.

3. Teens Need To Be Pushed to Grow in Their Faith. Teens get pushed to grow in class in Jr. High and High School. They will get pushed in sports and in clubs. Physically, mentally and emotionally they are growing – and they need to grow spiritually. They need to be pushed to read their Bible, discuss their beliefs and even pray out loud. Sometimes youth at Church learn an enormous amount from other teens. That can range from how to act as a believer to not how to act as a believer. Growth needs to come from somewhere with a Christian perspective outside of the home. Hopefully this will come through the Church in some way.

I have been witness to dozens and dozens of parents who think it will not happen to their children and they were wrong. They tell me in conversations about how disappointed they are with their children’s life choices. I usually want to say (but don’t), your problem started years ago. You missed developing their faith in their formative years and now it is too late.

I hope you will help your child develop their faith before it is too late.

I read books, blogs and magazines daily. I listen to sermons. I attend conferences. I am part of a ministers group that meets monthly. Every day I am trying to learn from other people. Even as a preacher I still love to attend a class that someone else is teaching. Most of the time I like to hear the discussion of the group after a lesson. I love to ask questions of people and hear the varied responses that come from different backgrounds and education.

I firmly believe that one of the reasons God put His followers into a group that we call the Church is so that we can learn from each other. The people I meet who have the most growing and vibrant faith are those who are continually trying to learn from other people. There is a toxic moment when you close your mind and think you have everything figured out.

So let me encourage you today to learn from other people.

1. Read something today. Anything that will help you grow as a believer. Find a favorite writer or blogger or magazine. At our Church I read the Christian Standard magazine monthly. I read the Lookout weekly. Most of their material is then posted as a blog each day. I continually recommend articles on my blog. Look up some of those and read them. Go to the source of those article I post and read several more posts by the same author. If in doubt, stop by my office and I will find you a book.

2. Listen to something this week. Maybe you watch it and listen at the same times. Doesn’t matter. Take in some form of lesson that will help you grow your faith. Go to YouTube and search names like Fred Craddock, Bob Russell, Ravi Zacharias, Andy Stanley and a hundred other possibilities.

3. Attend something this month. Go to Church on Sunday. Stay for Sunday school. Find a Bible Study through the week. If you cannot find anything (and I bet you can), then start something. Ask a couple of friends to get together and discuss what you are reading and/or what you are listening too.

4. Go somewhere in the next six months. Find a conference and go. It might be a women’s conference, men’s conference or couple’s conference. You might consider going to Ozark Christian College and their Preaching & Teaching convention this month. There are hundreds of possibilities of what you can attend in the next six months.

5. Learn about one topic this year that interests you. Invest time over the course of the year into one new topic. Try to learn all you can about Christian parenting or marriage or a doctrine or evangelism or whatever. Focus yourself on one topic and let other people teach you.

There is so much out there to learn. Open your mind and broaden your horizons. Imagine if one year from you now you might now if you committed yourself to learning.

Recently I have been pondering the possibility of someone making an honest mistake. My thoughts are prompted by a discussion I had about someone’s actions. In this conversation the accuser was questioning the motives and intentions of another person. A mistake was made and that is for sure, but what concerned me was that this person was reading way too much into the story.

Is it possible to make an honest mistake? To not have some hidden agenda to hurt another person? To do something wrong without trying to subconsciously or consciously hurt that person at a deeper level?

I forget to invite you, not because I have something against you. I just forgot.
I didn’t say that to hurt you. I just forgot about your struggle.
I didn’t write that to try and put you down. I thought it was funny.
I didn’t shake your hand because I was thinking about other things. Not because I am mad at you.
I never thought to send you a card. I was just busy and failed to follow through
Yes, I threw that away. I had no idea it meant that much to you.
The list could go on and on.

I firmly believe that each one of us can make an honest mistake without deeper meaning.

First – If you make an honest mistake …

1. Own up to it. Don’t blame other people. Don’t make excuses. Just be honest.
2. Say you are sorry for what happened. When something regrettable happens we need to share the regret.
3. Ask for forgiveness. This is hard. The words, “Will you forgive me?” are priceless.
4. Let it go.

Second – If someone has wronged you …

1. Let other people fail. We all do things wrong. Don’t hold other people to a higher standard than you hold yourself.
2. Don’t question motives too deeply. It is okay to wonder about the root of the problem, but be careful not to attribute thoughts and feelings to other people unless they have been expressly stated. Only God knows the heart of a person.
3. Offer grace and forgiveness. It has been said of Christians, “We offer forgiveness of the unforgivable actions of others, because God forgave the unforgivable actions of us.”
4. Offer help. Sometimes the best thing you can do is to say, “This happens a lot. Can I help you with this problem?”
5. Let it go. There is no need to keep replaying the mistakes of other people and holding it against them into the future. It will only rob tomorrow of its joy.

I hope this is helpful. I hope nothing I said offends you. Honestly.

Last Friday was my birthday. I turned 44 years old on January 29th. People have asked me if I had a good day and my response is that I slept in late and rested most of the day. I was not feeling well with a bit of a chest cold and just enjoyed the rest. I did spend a lot of time thinking about life on Friday and over the weekend. So I thought I would share 29 thoughts from my birthday on the 29th. These come in a completely random order.

1. Birthdays are fun when you are young but they lose something after 21.
2. Life’s best moments are the simple ones. A conversation. A hug. A smile.
3. Do something you enjoy even when no one else understands it.
4. The hardest thing to be in life is yourself.
5. I never imagined I would be right here right now. Life is a journey to unknown places.
6. No one cares how hard you work unless you are getting paid to do it.
7. I wish I could have back all the money I wasted in my life. Audio cassettes were a bad financial investment. Dating too.
8. Despite all the negative press, I still think smartphones are awesome.
9. When you are with another person, put the smart phone away and talk.
10. As a kid I could remember dozens of phone numbers. Now I can barely remember 311 or 411 or 911 or whatever that number is. Thanks smart phone.
11. My mother having email, a smart phone and texting is a greater gift to her family than she realizes. Most days anyway.
12. The internet has helped me to see myself as less strange.
13. My children will never understand how I feel about them.
14. I cannot imagine how God really feels about me.
15. I wonder if my mom and dad know how much I appreciate the thousand little things they have done for me.
16. My Church experience has been wonderful. My Church experience has been awful. Definitely understand the Church as a family metaphor.
17. I don’t understand people who say they love my preaching but don’t attend Church regularly.
18. My faith is stronger today than ever, but I still have lots of questions for God.
19. Don’t hate me for saying this: But I really dislike pets, especially as I get older.
20. I have bought far more books than I have read. I hope to get to them all one day.
21. As an introvert I find great joy in a quiet moment alone.
22. Invest in the better product. You will be happier in the long run.
23. Waste not, want not. Still good advice.
24. I take far more pictures than I ever go back and look at.
25. Do one thing every day that brings you joy. Even if it is just a piece of candy. It will remind you that life is good.
26. I believe very, very few statistics. Numbers can be bent different directions. And everything changes when you put God in the equation.
27. Everything, and I mean everything, you do will be criticized. Just get used to it and forget it. Move forward in spite of your critics.
28. People never cease to amaze me.
29. I honestly never thought I would live this long. Thanks God.

I haven’t posted any links in over a month, so let me give you a few good articles to read this weekend.

7 Ways to Fight Distraction During Prayer

10 THINGS PASTORS WILL THINK ABOUT AS THEY PREACH THIS WEEKEND

5 Incorrect Assumptions About First-Time Guests

Three Common Idols in Churches

It’s not a problem if you prepare for it

The Only Six Words Parents Need to Say to Their Kids About Sports—Or Any Performance

51 THINGS I WISH I KNEW IN HIGH SCHOOL

A video about an unbelievable Typewriter Artist

I have a tendency to obsess over little things. My wife will tell you it is true. I hear something I don’t agree with and I can’t get it out of my head. I think about it over and over until I work out the next step.

Such is the case with the song, “Just Be Held” by Casting Crowns. I first heard the song a few months ago on the radio I began to wonder about it but thought it might just be a passing song. Then the song climbed the charts to number 1 on Christian radio. Then no less than a dozen people recommended the song to me. As a result I have heard it over and over.

I am going to be honest; I don’t care for the song. In fact, I am a little concerned about it being Biblical. I am pretty sure it is bad advice to say the least.

Before you run me out of town thinking I am a heretic, please hear me out.

If you have not heard it do a quick google search or go to YouTube. The main idea is that life sometimes gets hard. Answers don’t come easy. And then he says the line that bothers me. “Stop holding on and just be held.”

I did a quick commentary search and found a few verses that told about God holding us. Psalm 139:10 says that God holds us in his right hand. But if you do a little more digging you will find that most of the verses that contain the words “held” or “hold” are about us. The continual call is for us to hold onto the teaching or doctrine we have received in our life. (See 1 Corinthians 15:2, 2 Thessalonians 2:15 and Titus 1:9.) Four times the book of Hebrews encourages us to hold onto our faith (3:14, 4:14, 6:18, 10:23). Also, the bigger picture places us holding onto God and not God holding onto us (Deuteronomy 4:4 and 2 Kings 18:6 are examples).

The Bible never pictures our faith as a passive activity. My fear is that this song pictures that type of thinking. That the best thing for me to do when life gets hard is to set back and take it easy. Rest in the fact that God is there with me and do nothing. Wait quietly for some warm feeling to come over me and let me know everything is going to be alright.

I see the Bible teaching the exact opposite. There will come times when life is difficult and confusing. In those moments you go back to what you have been taught about God in the Bible. You rethink what you believe with a Bible in hand while on your knees praying. You hold onto your faith and try to learn from those dark hours. You allow God to fill you with hope as you hold onto your faith in him. Instead of being passive you should actively seek to learn what God is teaching you and how that aligns with scripture.

Now, please don’t misunderstand me. I am not trying to be mean or calloused. Sometimes life gets hard and you need to take a minute to refocus on God. But that does not mean that I passively wait for something to happen. I catch my breath and then I grab a hold of my faith with both hands and hold on tight. I spend my time reading, praying and thinking rather than just sitting.

Fred Craddock tells the story of being at a Church one Sunday morning as they unveiled the new picture that would be on the wall behind the preacher each week. He expected some painting of Jesus but instead saw them reveal a big picture of the face of a bulldog. The caption underneath said, “If we are going to make it, we need to hold onto our faith like a bulldog.”

Maybe the song would be better if it said, “Keep holding on while you are being held.”

Most people are familiar with the story of David and Goliath. We know about a huge hulk of a man who was slayed by a shepherd boy with a sling and a stone. We love the story of the underdog defeating the opponent who is larger than life. Most people know the story and I think most people like it, including me.

Lately my imagination has been captured by another small part of the story though. Before David goes out on the battlefield to face Goliath he has a conversation with King Saul. Saul wants David to wear his armor out into battle. Interestingly enough, David tries to put the armor on. That is interesting because Saul is described as being “head and shoulders” taller than everyone in Israel. In other words, he was a lot taller than any shepherd boy. Even so David puts on Saul’s armor and tries to get it to fit him. Eventually he takes off the armor and heads out onto the battle field with his sling and stone.

The reason I have been thinking about this story is because I read a lot of articles and posts about ministry and spiritual growth. Every article I read tells me how this person grew their faith this one particular way. The conclusion that follows is that for you to grow in faith you must do the same things they did. In the last week alone I have read articles saying I should go to bed early and get up early, skip email in the mornings, take a special day off every month, have a date night, cancel my date night, read 50 books this year, and so on and so on. Everyone has all kinds of advice for me and you to grow. I really do appreciate all of their ideas. In fact, I often share some of my own ideas to help people.

Honestly, most of what I read feels like I am trying on Saul’s armor. I am trying to fit my life into patterns that simply do not fit me. I stretch myself and try to get other people’s ideas to fit me. Usually I am left with another failure and the disappointment that goes with it.

One of the biggest parts of my spiritual journey was learning to be myself. I do not have to fit into anyone else’s armor. God made me unique and there are certain rhythms and patterns that work for me that may not work for other people. It is okay for me to learn, read and pray in a way that works for me, even if it does not look like what everyone else is doing. Don’t get me wrong, I still am grounded in the Bible and connected to the Church. But when it comes to how I grow my faith there are a lot of wide open possibilities.

So my encouragement today is that you find your own voice, form your own patterns and grow your own way. Get up early, stay up late or take a long lunch to spend time in prayer – whatever works for you. Read quietly, listen to the Bible on computer or rewrite every verse in a notebook – whatever works for you. Give daily or weekly or monthly of your time and resources – whatever works best for you. Find what works best for you to grow in your spiritual life and do it.

David did not fit in Saul’s armor. You do not fit into mine. You only fit in yours.

Two Sundays ago I preached a sermon about handing people in the Church. One of the words used in the passage from Colossians is translated “patience.” Other places in the New Testament it is translated as “patient endurance.” The original Greek word is best and most literally translated as “long suffering.”

I love the image. There are some people God has put in our lives that our relationship with them is best described as a continual suffering. The picture is not one of mutual love and respect but a tolerance of another person out of my obedience to Christ.

Here is the funny part about reading and studying a word like this from the Bible. As soon it is explained to us, all of us immediately have someone who pops into our mind. Yes, even in the Church. Maybe especially in the Church.

Over the past couple weeks I have wondered why God would want us to keep people in our lives that we have to endure. Why not just sever all bad relationships and just live with joy and happiness all the time? I have come to believe there might be some good reasons for this.

1. I may need to learn something from them. Some of my best teachers were not the people I agree with, but rather the people I didn’t agree with in their thinking. They pushed me and pulled me in directions I never would have chosen on my own.

2. They may need to learn something from me. It is easy to think only in terms of the benefits of a relationship for myself. I believe God sometimes brings difficult people into my life so that I can have an impact on them.

3. Maybe God is teaching me something about people. There is often a big lesson to be learned even from difficult people. Honestly, all of us have things we can learn even from bad examples.

4. They may push me to trust God more. I have a couple of people in my life that the moment I see them coming I stop and say a prayer. The prayer is usually something like, “Lord, help me to handle this person.” Maybe it is more specific like, “God, don’t let this encounter end with the arrival of the police.” Difficult people push me to rely on God to teach me and use me when I don’t want to be taught or to be used.

5. In time people and relationships change. Sometimes I think God wants me to endure difficult people because in a few years there might be a change that will bring us together. I have known many teenagers that tried and tested me who then went on to be wonderful adults. Sometimes we endure people because it brings long-term benefits. Benefits that would have been lost if I had given up on that person years ago.

It is hard to imagine that one of the ways God sees our relationships with each other is a form of suffering. But all of us know it is true. There is that difficult person at work, in our extended family, or even at our Church who we struggle with each time we talk. We might want to give up, but God tells us to be patient. He is at work in every situation and will use it for good, if we allow Him.

Last year I did something I had not done in over 20 years. I attended a volleyball game. My wife played through High School and eventually played in college. In fact, the first time I saw her was at a college volleyball game. When we began dating she played and then she continued playing through our first year of marriage. Then we moved and she no longer played competitively and I no longer went to watch a game.

Well, for the past year my oldest son has been dating a girl who is very much into sports. One night we went to watch her play volleyball. As I watched I became more and more intrigued by the position of “setter.” This is the person on the team that gets down low and sets up the ball for someone else to spike. I immediately thought that being a “setter” is not a very glorious position. Setters do not get highlight films. The highlights are reserved for people who are tall and make dominating spikes down on the other team. Highlights are for tall girls with long legs that jump high and spike or block. They are the ones whose actions directly relate to the team getting a point. A person who plays “setter” is lucky to get a picture on the internet from her mother.

Here is the thing about people. Everyone wants to spike the ball and very few people want to set the ball for other people. My wife was on a recreational volleyball team a few years ago and her complaint was simple. One of the team members always wanted people to set him and yet he was never willing to set anyone else. He wanted the fun and the spot light all to himself.

As you can imagine in volleyball there is a simple truth. Without someone to set the ball, there is no spiking, no points, no glory and no victory.

This truth about people crosses many lines. A youth football coach told me that he had all his players try out for different positions. Only one kid wanted to be a lineman. Everyone else wanted to be the quarterback, running back or receiver. I once read about a college that had accepted applications from well over 1,000 students. Of that 1,000 plus high school students only 1 said that they would like to be a good follower. Everyone else wanted to be a leader.

As I reflect on my years of ministry, I have come to a realization. Every great Church is not built on great leaders alone. It is built on people who are willing to swallow their pride and work behind the scenes – people who are setters, linemen and followers. Those people who give of themselves without the glory of the spotlight. Jesus reminds us that our heavenly father will reward what is done “in secret.” While your service may never make the highlight reel on the six o’clock news it will not go unnoticed by the eyes of God.

Always a good reminder –