Dr. Laura has a video blog that she posts each weeks. This week’s post was about marriage. She is asked the question, “Should I stay or should I go?” You can watch it HERE
If you do not want to watch it, that’s okay. I want to give you the key piece of what she says. She challenges every married person to ask this question everyday for the next month and see what happens to your marriage.
The question to ask myself is this: “What can I do to make my spouse happy to be alive and married to me.”
Recently I have been trying to make several changes in my life. I don’t mean the kind of changes you might think. I am trying to change things like my web browser from Internet Explorer over to Google Chrome. I am trying to change from Google Blog Reader over to Feedly. I have tried changing over to iTunes 11. I am continually trying to upgrade my software and make the necessary changes.
Here is the one truth I know for sure – change, no matter what the form, is hard.
I know that is no great new revelation but I need to be reminded of it often. You see, almost every Sunday I mention in my sermon that “we need to change.” It is usually something like; “we need to change our thinking” or “we need to change our attitude” or “we need to change our actions.” While I believe each is true, I need to be reminded that each is very hard.
When I have been using a program for 2-3 years and become familiar with it, I am resistant to change, even if the new program or upgrade is better. So often I have to be forced into using a new product. Then I go through this same process of anger and regret and then acceptance and then excitement and finally familiarity. I think the real problem of change is not the end goal but the first step of anger and regret.
It is very easy to talk about life change in Church, but it is very hard for a life to be changed, even in Church. Maybe, especially in Church.
Here was a simple question that helped change my life over the last few years: “What is your growth plan?”
I was asked that in a job interview and I had to be honest, I really didn’t have one. Don’t get me wrong I believe in continued growth. I read, I pray, I listen, I write and do all of the right things to grow, but I had no specific plan to make it happen. I just acted and hoped for the best. Since that time I have slowly developed a plan that is working for me. I thought I would share it with you and maybe it will spark your mind.
1. I read 4 chapters out of the bible (minimum) 5 days a week. I know it doesn’t sound like much but I am almost through the Bible for the second time in 4 years.
2. I have a goal to listen to 120 sermons this year and try to take notes. Let’s break that down – That is 10 sermons a month or 2-3 sermons a week. With Podcasts and iPods this is easier than ever. Honestly, I start a lot of sermons and never finish them and end up deleting them. I know – not all sermons are well done – yes, even mine:-)
3. I have a blog list that I read daily. I used Google Reader to subscribe to blogs and they are eliminating that in July so now I use Feedly. It brings all the blogs I read into one place. Each day I get some great material from a dozen sites or more to read and grow. Here is what I like about blogs – they are current and quick. Books take years to write and publish. Magazines take months to write and publish. I get new blogs everyday from some of the best pastors and leaders in the world.
4. I read at least 6 books a year. That is one every two months. I know that doesn’t sound like much but it works for me. I am getting to where I rarely read anything that is not more than 5 years old. New books are exciting but many are short-lived in their popularity. I like books that have endured and make me think beyond today. They are a nice compliment to the immediacy of a blog.
5. I teach and I preach at least 48 times a year. That is a total of 96 lessons a year. Nothing – and by that I mean nothing – will grow your faith and understanding like teaching. Seriously. If you are only feeding yourself you are missing a huge opportunity to grow.
My plan it simple but it is helping me to grow as a Christian. So now I ask you, “What is your growth plan?”
What can you add to my list that is helpful?
I was reading through my files looking for a sermon illustration and I run across a story I had typed in and have never really used. I swear to you that this is another true story.
One time I was on a journey back from my parents house and my family stopped at a large shopping mall that has a play area inside of it. It was only about ten in the morning and I was surprised to see so many in the mall already. Many of the shops had not yet opened and most of the people were there to let their kids play in the soft foam area designated for them. There were several people of Asian descent there, a few seemed like they knew each other. There was also a group of seemingly middle class looking people standing around talking while the children played. They would occasionally shout, “Get down,” and “Be Nice” to the children as they enjoyed the time together. One little girl was being taken care of by a lady in her mid 30’s with nice hair and an average build. She was not the mother of the little girl because when the two finally left together she said, “Let me take you home to your mother.” I am guessing she was a babysitter for the day that was trying to talk to her friends and let the little girl play at the same time.
All pretty normal stuff so far, right? Well, the interesting thing for me was the fact that the little girl, probably 5 years old or so, was wearing a unique T-shirt. She had black braided hair, blue jeans, red socks and a white T-shirt with some writing on it. The writing was in black permanent marker and obviously written by an adult or older sibling. What the shirt said was, “Ask Tim Johnson why he hates my mom?” I swear to you that it is true. Here is a little girl playing in the mall and wearing a shirt that asks an enormous question. I wonder – Who is Tim Johnson? The Father? A Husband? A Boss? A Lawyer? Who is he? And why would this little girl think he hates her mom? Has there been abuse? Is he addicted to something? Did he blow all the money at a Casino? Is he getting a divorce? Is he having an affair? Thousands of questions run through your mind. I wanted to ask the little girl or her guardian for the day what it was all about. I’d really like to talk to her mom and maybe Tim Johnson. Was this real? Was it a sick joke? But I sit back and watched and never said a word.
Since that day I have thought about the incident a great deal. I would really like to meet the person who made that shirt. I mean they cut right through all the small talk and get right to the heart of the matter. Why does he hate my mom? No niceties exchanged just a straightforward question. And I imagine the mom has asked that question and Tim Johnson would not give a straight answer. So, lets put the world on alert and maybe we’ll finally get to the bottom of this she says in her heart. I admire this person’s ingenuity and the courage of the little girl to wear it. I have been thinking of making some of my own t-shirts with some big questions on them. Maybe then I will get some honest answers. Then I start thinking, “but what if someone else started writing their questions about me on a shirt?” How would I like to be Tim Johnson? Embarrassed? Angered? Humiliated? Could I ignore it?
It probably would not be a great world if we handled all of our conflicts through t-shirt questions. I will stick to the funny shirts I wear and hiding behind my small talk. As for Tim Johnson – you can run, but you can’t hide.
I spent last night in the bathroom with a virus. Got to work late today and I am weak and tired. I did still manage to get things done, but it took more effort. My only reflection from the night is very simple for all of us to understand. I started feeling sick at midnight and it took me till 4:00 am to finally get sick. Those 4 hours were miserable and as much as I hate it, it felt good to finally purge all the junk out of me.
What is true physically is also true spiritually. There are times when we just need to get it all out there. We need to admit our guilt to God and others. We need to open up about our sins and struggles to God and to someone else.
If you are struggling under an enormous weight of sin. Maybe you should just purge. It will be awful when you do it, and it may leave you weak and vulnerable – but you will feel better in the long run.
I was in a meeting today that was a sort of counseling session for a man who is having marital troubles. I was explaining to him how to get things back on track and an analogy came to me that I have never used before. I told him that having a great marriage is like a football game. (Yeah, surprised me too.) Now I don’t mean that it involves tackling or helmets or million dollar budgets. What I mean and explained to him was simple. In football, like all sports, the goal is to win. In order to win you have to score. In order to score you have to get first downs. In order to get first downs you need to move the ball a little over three yards a play. So – in order to win a football game all you need to do is focus on a three yard gain every play. It’s that simple.
The problem is that all of us want to do nothing for two or three plays and then have one huge play to get the ball in the end-zone. It rarely works. We do not speak to our wife for five days and then take her out on an expensive date. We rarely complement our husbands or show him respect and then we have sex one night. Maybe it gets even bigger and we spend very little time together as a couple and then we take a huge vacation once a year. Or we neglect one another and then do a marriage encounter weekend once a year. I have never seen a couple with a great marriage who did an occasional activity together.
The couples who have great marriages are those who spend time together everyday. They take time to eat together most, if not all, nights. They do little things for each other like say kind words, help cleaning house, touching and thousands of other things. In other words, they are constantly moving the ball three yards.
Now, there will be plays when we get knocked down and lose a yard and we will have to work extra hard on the next play. Also, there will be plays where we gain nine yards and things are better than we imagined. The goal is still the same, keep moving the ball at least a little every play.
Maybe the analogy fits or maybe it doesn’t. Hopefully it will keep you trying to move forward today.
I once went to hear Dr. Fred Craddock teach a group of pastors how to improve their preaching. Somewhere in the middle of his lectures he told us that everyone has a theory about the atonement. Everyone in our Churches has some understanding of what happened Easter weekend. To illustrate that point the told us a story of an encounter he once had.
Several years ago he was heading back to visit his boyhood home and he wanted to get a haircut before his trip. He stopped in a local barber shop and waited his turn. There was a large group of men gathered there and swapping stories and lies. One good ol boy asked him why he was getting a haircut since his didn’t look that bad. He told them that he was going back home and wanted to look good and grown up.
One of the men sitting there said, “Oh, I haven’t been home since I was a boy.”
Fred asked him why he had never returned home. The man went on to tell him a story from when he was a boy.
He told him that he had an older brother and they were raised by their father. Dad was a tough man and very strict. Anyway, one day his brother and he were playing around the house like boys will do. His brother jumped on his father’s bed and he landed on his dad’s glasses and broke them.
When his father got home he saw the glasses and assumed he had broken them since he was the youngest. Dad took him and started beating him with a belt on his back and butt. His father gave him the worst beating he has ever received. The whole time his brother sat in the corner and didn’t say a word. The next day he waited for his dad to go to work and he packed up his clothes and left home. He has never returned since that day.
Then he said, “I don’t know how the guilty can stand back and watch while the innocent take their punishment.”
He paused for a few moments and said, “Well, except for Jesus.”
Dr. Craddock says that he explained the events of Easter weekend and the atonement of Jesus with one line.
I have never forgotten that story and every year I reflect on its truth.
John 20:1-9 (New International Version)
Early on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene went to the tomb and saw that the stone had been removed from the entrance. (2) So she came running to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one Jesus loved, and said, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we don’t know where they have put him!”
(3) So Peter and the other disciple started for the tomb. (4) Both were running, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first. (5) He bent over and looked in at the strips of linen lying there but did not go in. (6) Then Simon Peter, who was behind him, arrived and went into the tomb. He saw the strips of linen lying there, (7) as well as the burial cloth that had been around Jesus’ head. The cloth was folded up by itself, separate from the linen. (8) Finally the other disciple, who had reached the tomb first, also went inside. He saw and believed. (9) (They still did not understand from Scripture that Jesus had to rise from the dead.)
John 20:24-28 (New International Version)
(24) Now Thomas (called Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came. (25) So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord!” But he said to them, “Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it.”
(26) A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you!”
(27) Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe.” (28) Thomas said to him, “My Lord and my God!”
He is Risen!! He is Risen Indeed!!
Jesus died on Friday afternoon. The following day was the Sabbath. It was a day of quiet pain and silent questions. We also call it “Holy Saturday” or “Black Saturday.” I heard one preacher recently call it Easter Eve.
On this day several years ago I held a Holy Week Art Show. The Church had gone to see “The Passion of the Christ.” Everyone’s emotions were in high gear and I asked anyone in the congregation who felt artistic to do some form of artwork inspired by the story of Jesus Passion. We rented a small community theater and placed all the artwork inside around the auditorium. There was some beautiful and powerful artwork done by all ages in numerous mediums. It was inspiring on many levels. At 7:00 pm the theater opened and I had refreshments ready for people to enjoy as they focused on the story of Jesus passion shown with art. The plan was to stay open till 9:00 pm or until the crowds decided to go.
Well, 7:00 pm came and 1 family showed. 8:00 pm came and another family showed. 9:00 pm came and that was it. We had over 3 dozens pieces of artwork and only 2 families showed up to see them. I am not kidding. On Sunday I asked people where they were on Saturday. Everyone said the same type of thing. “We got busy.” “We forgot.” “We never thought about it.”
Needless to say, I quit planning anything on Holy Saturday. I have learned that people don’t feel the same emotions they did on the first Easter weekend. Nothing can change that, it is just a fact. The original Holy Saturday was am emotional experience for Jesus followers and for most of us today it is not.
Why do I tell you all of this? Because I would like you to pause for a few minutes and thank God for his finished work in Jesus Christ. We don’t need to feel those emotions because Jesus has already risen and death has lost its sting.
Thank God there will never be another Black Saturday again.
Second Chance Pastor 