The Church is a place where people are called to love God and to love one another. Those are two essentials of Christian character and thus are the way the Church people should behave. Most of us would affirm those truths vocally while we are trying to live them out daily. And all God’s people said, “Amen.”

Weekly we meet to worship the Lord and receive instruction in his word. There is a time of worship for us to express our love of God. This is seen in our songs, our prayers and our communion with him.

Then followers of God are daily challenged to live out a life of love for other people. I hear people declare this concept regularly. We try to connect to other people and care for them as Christ commanded.

My fear is that most of us actually keep people an arm’s length away from us. We like people but we would rather they did not get too close.

I have seen at least two areas that are a test of my real relationship with other people.

1. Do you regularly have people into your home?

Personally, I have tried hard to escape this truth. I really like my personal space. But having teenage boys we have started to have people in our home almost all weekend. Friends parade through our home regularly and I am learning to adjust my thinking. Originally I stood in the corner smacking myself in the head and screaming “Hot water burn baby” (Yes, a “Rain Man” reference). Now I am starting to relax and open myself up to those who enter my home.

I believe most of us do not let people into our homes for several reasons. One, we are afraid of what they might think of us. When they see my cluttered mess of a house and the coat rack with a mirror that says Budweiser they may change their opinion about the public persona I work so hard to maintain. When my children eat without praying they may question my spirituality. Two, we know that having people in our home will mean I have to give up a part of myself. I will really have to ask questions about these people. I will really have to listen. It is much easier to say “Hi” on Sunday and a “How are you doing?” during greeting time than to have a person into my home.

Most of us will never have people in our home because that would require us to drop our arms and let others in. That is a hard step to take. Maybe that is why in most congregations I get invited to less than 40% of people’s homes. I imagine for the average church goer that number is way, way less.

2.Do you open up about the struggles inside your heart and mind?

I do not mean that you have to spew your personal issues on everyone who passes by you. I see people on Facebook who continually do this as a form of getting attention. People care when I cay, so why not cry more, then I will have more care. That is not what I am talking about. I am talking about setting down with other people and saying, “My marriage is a mess” or “my kids are making poor decisions” or “my faith is weak during this struggle.” Sharing real life struggles with people who might really care. Most of us do not share these kinds of struggles (especially men) because we have no one we are close too. Everyone we know is an arm’s length away. They are not close enough to share that kind of personal information.

In a world in which people struggle with loneliness and isolation we need to put our arms down and let people into our lives. That is part of what it means to follow Christ and I believe will lead you to a happier life in the long run. Ask yourself these key questions to reveal your true heart for people. You might be surprised at the answers and need to make changes. I know I do.