Frequently people come into my office because they “need to talk”. Whenever someone schedules a meeting like that I know it will not be good news. Often their marriage is falling apart. Occasionally they are having problems with their children or grandchildren. There are a few other varied possibilities, but it is extremely rare that anything good is happening. For most people the relationships in their life are not going as planned and they are looking for help.
Quite often I have several suggestions that will turn their lives around. I can make suggestions for both parties that will get things started the right direction.
Unfortunately I have found two common beliefs that stand in the way of better relationships. First, most people believe that their problems are really the result of the other person. They accept little responsibility and place lots of blame. Second, if they were to admit they needed to change then that change should be easy. People want a quick fix from a few rehearsed lines or activities.
It is very rare in my experience that things get better until I admit my share of the blame. Then once admitting I made mistakes there is a need to change the damaging behavior. This change is never easy. We get into trouble with one set of behaviors and we stay in trouble by continuing those behaviors. Improvement takes deep systemic changes in my thoughts and actions. All of that is unbelievably difficult. It does not come easy. There is always a price.
So if you are struggling in some arena of your life, the solution will not come through repeating what comes naturally. It only comes by doing the difficult thing. Changing your miserable situation will not be easy.
The good news is that you have that power to change. Plan a different course of action and follow the difficult path. It is hard, but it leads to a better tomorrow.