I thought I was ready to say goodbye. Your body was weak and tired, and I knew the pain needed to end. I knew you had your heart right with God and that you stood on the edge of eternity ready to jump into the arms of God. My mind had processed the next step on our journey was to say goodbye. Still, my heart was not ready.
There were so many boy’s ballgames left to watch.
I wanted you to see what my boys became in life.
There are so many fish left to catch.
So many stories left to share and tell and possibly stretch.
There is just so much of my life I don’t want you to miss.
But God had other plans. He was ready to take you home no matter how I felt about his decision. Life is not the same anymore. When you left, you took a part of me, and I was not ready for that to happen. I have an open wound that is far from healing.
In the two months since you left, I have thought more about heaven than ever before. I have come to see faith as more than just believing in Jesus. It is more than just accepting the fact that he came, died on a cross and rose again. It believes that he has the power to raise each one of us. It is completely trusting that the piece of my heart that was taken from me will one day be replaced.
The Bible says heaven is a place with no more mourning, crying or pain. There has sure been a lot of that this year and I am ready for it to end. I am thankful for my Savior and the promise of eternal life now more than ever.
I wasn’t ready for you to go and I don’t know who to talk to about it. I used to call you or talk as we went fishing. That can’t happen anymore. So, I will just write a few lines out into the dark void and hope someone hears. I pray that God will comfort all of us who have suffered loss. I desperately want those I love to grab onto the hope of heaven and cling tightly until we are all united there one day. Thank God for that hope in life’s darkest hours.