In 1992 Gary Chapman released a ground-breaking book that is a must read for all married couples. The concepts found inside are so essential that it became a regular household dialogue since it was published. Basically, the idea is that there are five ways in which we feel love.
- Words of Affirmation
- Acts of Service
- Quality Time
- Physical Touch
These five “languages” are how we receive love in our lives. Every person is unique, and every couple must learn to speak the right language so that their spouse feels the love and support they desire.
This is an idea I talk about in any type of marital counseling that I do with couples. Most of them know the concept and have at least thought about their personal love language. Some of them have read the book and can detail their needs and those of their mate.
Despite all the information that has been written about this topic, I find a limited number of couples that do it well. Most people just know that they are not getting their needs met, and they do not know what to do.
The idea of a love language is not something that we master and then move on to something else. It is a topic that we need to revisit time and again. There are seasons in which our language might change. Sometimes age affects our desires from our spouse. Many times, my spouse thinks they are doing a great job when my assessment might be different.
If your marriage is struggling in any way, I am going to suggest that this one idea might be a big part of the problem. Sure, you know all the information, but is your marriage a place where love is given and received freely? Perhaps you need to revisit the love languages to revitalize your marriage.