I am embarrassed by what I said and did. It might not seem like a big deal to other people, but it was a colossal failure to me. While I hate that story being a part of my life, it was the catalyst that moved me in a new direction.
That one failure forced me to come face to face with my sin. I had to rediscover my time with God each day. It helped me to appreciate my wife and family at a deeper level. From those days until now, I have taken a different approach to life as a Christian, husband, father, and pastor. That one mistake radically altered my future even though it is a stain in my past.
My experience has taught me two things. First, no matter what you are going through, God can use it for good. The overwhelming pain, unbelievable embarrassment, and sheer disappointment in yourself that you feel now could be the event that makes you a better person and believer. It is hard to imagine that something horrible could make your life better in the long run, but it can.
Second, when someone is going through a traumatic breakdown because of their sin. Do not be quick to judge, point fingers, and spread gossip. The thing that person is going through at that moment may be the thing God uses to change their life. It might be the wake-up call they needed.
The people who make it to the finish line of faith are scarred people. Most of them have a story or two which they never tell in public. They are forgiven, but it is still embarrassing. I hate that I had to go through it, and I feel sorry for your pain too. But if we allow God to use it to redirect us, it can be the event that makes us more like Jesus.