You are not the first person to feel this way. You are not the only one struggling. Other people have had these same thoughts and emotions.
There are people all around you who are fighting internally. Many of us are battling similar issues, but we rarely discuss them.
One reason we need to be surrounded by a community of like-minded people is so that we can learn from one another. In addition, other people will allow us to share and support each other through those moments we feel alone.
Every single person needs the benefits of community, especially people of faith. You are not the exception. And you are not alone.