The Gottman Institute specializes in marriage and teaches about “bids for connection.” These are both verbal and non-verbal attempts to get attention, affection, or a positive response.

This applies to marriage, but it also applies to all relationships. That means the people closest to you often open themselves up to you so you can connect more deeply. This can come in the form of a question like, “Guess what happened to me today?” It might be an observation like, “Look at that new thing.” It can also be a statement that opens the door for questions like, “I am feeling so distant from you lately.” Which can be greeted with, “Why is that?” Or “How can I make you feel better?”

Frequently, we offer these windows into our soul, hoping the people around us will notice and respond. We think, “If they truly care, then this is the opportunity for them to show it.” In marriage, a happy couple will notice these bids 86% of the time. I would guess the same is true in friendships and with relatives. Our most fulfilling connections are with people who use those open windows to engage in conversation.

As Christians who want to express love to those around us, sometimes the most meaningful thing we can do is ask, “Tell me more about that.”