As adults, most of us have learned that there are difficult people everywhere. We see them at our jobs, in our families and even when we are on vacation. They are self-centered, lack social graces, say uncaring things, and frequently they hurt us in some emotional way.

Most of us have encountered difficult people everywhere we go. We have come to accept it. We often expect it when we are placed in certain situations. The one thing many of us did not expect was to find those people in Church. We went to Church with the idea that everyone would be friendly, kind and overflow with love.

Then it happened. Someone crossed the line. They said something of which I did not approve. Their attitude seemed to be angry and mean. They demonstrated unchristian behavior.

Unfortunately, it happens. The people who come to Church are not perfect. In fact, many of them are a total mess, and that is why they came to Church. Mistakes will be made, confrontations will happen, and people will generally rub each other the wrong way at times.

I hate it that this happens. And if it happened to you, I am sorry. It has happened to me, and it hurt, in fact, it still hurts. Through the years, I have noticed that God frequently allows these people in my life to mold me. Quite often, I am shaped more by the difficult people than by anyone else.

Difficult people …

1. Teach me to be kind. There are times I have vowed to never treat another person the way I am being treated. I want my life to exude kindness rather than anger.

2. Teach me to forgive. It is easy to forgive nice people when they fall short. It is much harder to forgive the angry people who shout “Crucify.”

3. Teach me to love people different from myself. Many times, the difficulty I have with other people is not about theology but rather methodology. I need to accept that people will handle things different than I do, and that does not make them a bad person.

4. Teach me about the Love of God. Luke 6:35 says that God is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. God loves everyone no matter what they have done. We are called to that kind of love.

5. Teach me to love my enemy. Biblical love is not emotional. Biblically love is an action. Jesus teaches us to act in a loving way toward people who we consider an enemy. It takes real faith to do something kind for someone who has hurt me, and yet that is what Jesus is calling us to do.

6. Teach me to be careful of assumptions. Many times, I have thought someone was a jerk until I heard their story. I have encountered people who were abused as children, cheated on as adults, suffering from pain, and a hundred other issues. The person you feel is full of anger might just be full of hurt themselves. They are crying out for attention and have no idea how to get it.

7. Teach me to exercise grace to others. I want people to be kind to me when I fail. I want them to offer me grace in my weakest moments. Just as Jesus offers me that grace, I am called to turn and offer that to other people. The real test of my heart may be how I deal with difficult people more than anyone else.

When we are hurt and feel the pain of connecting with other people we have two options. We can allow God to use these encounters to make us better people. The other option is for them to make us bitter people. There is this strange dynamic where Christian people get hurt emotionally and then turn around to be just as hard and calloused as the people who hurt them. The other option is to let go of the pain and learn to work through our issues. I believe when we try to deal with difficult people, the end result is that all of us will grow and become better people.

There are some Bible passages that are favorites among believers. Some of those include John 3:16, Matthew 16:16, Psalm 23, Isaiah 53 and Matthew 28:18-20. For many believers, there are passages of scripture that we hold dear to our hearts and have since our early days in their faith.

While most of us could agree on some timeless verses, there are some that you might not immediately know that have become favorites of mine. (all passages are from the New International Version)

1. Jonah 3:1 “Then the word of the Lord came to Jonah a second time.” Jonah had failed God, and yet God gave him a second chance. This is the story of my life of faith. God comes to me over and over again after I have failed him and gives me one chance after another.

2. Psalm 34:18 “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Our God never leaves us in our hurts, rather he draws close to offer us comfort and peace.

3. Proverbs 24:16 “For though a righteous man falls seven times, he rises again, but the wicked are brought down by calamity.” I love the picture of a righteous man not being perfect but instead being persistent. Falling down is not the problem, staying down is.

4. Jonah 4:2 “He prayed to the Lord, ‘O Lord, is this not what I said when I was still at home? That is why I was so quick to flee to Tarshish. I knew that you are a gracious and compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity.’” There are several variations of this verse throughout the Bible. God is frequently described as gracious, compassionate and slow to anger. He expects us to live a life worthy of his name, but gives us grace when we fall short.

5. 1 Peter 5:7 “Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” Other translations say, “Cast your cares on him …” The main idea is that whatever is bothering you or whatever is keeping you up at night and causing you to “stress out.” Those things can be given over to God, and he will handle them because he cares for you personally.

I don’t know if you have heard any of these passages before. They are usually not the ones that get repeated in Christian circles, but they continue to remind me of the grace and mercy of God.

What passages would you add to my list?

Here is a slide that catches the heart of this blog.
May God bless you all as you journey with him.

Here are the best articles I have read over the past week. I hope you enjoy.

ASK BOB: Should My Child Miss Church to Play Sports? – good stuff from Bob Russell

WHEN YOUR SPOUSE DISAPPOINTS YOU (PART 1 OF 2)

WHEN YOUR SPOUSE DISAPPOINTS YOU (PART 2 OF 2)

The 10 Best Decisions I’ve Made in Marriage

Showing up – Marketing guru Seth Godin is always good for a nugget of truth

As a believer in Jesus, we are placed into a community of people that we call the Church. It is composed of people from all kinds of backgrounds, with all types of personalities and various maturity levels. To be a part of this community is like being a part of a weird blended family in which we are all connected but all different.

I believe one of the reasons God places us in this group of his followers is because each one of us has something to offer. One lesson I have learned through the years is that I may have to offer several things to the people of this community. Here are some of the roles we fill each week.

1. Sometimes You Are a Teacher. This can take many forms in the life of the Church. Quite often it is teaching the Bible to other believers. There is a lot to learn about God, his word, his will, and theology. Other times it is teaching from your experience as a Christian. Sometimes we have the role of teaching of what we know.

2. Sometimes You Are a Cheerleader. There are a lot of people who come to this community beaten down by the world. Their self-worth is declining as they have been told they are a failure or at least not as good as other people. Some days I simply stand and cheer other people on and remind them that God sees them as valuable. Reminding them that each life has a purpose, and God can use it for good. Many times people need someone to cheer them on so that they can go back out into life with confidence.

3. Sometimes You Are a Counselor. Very often we find ourselves listening to the problems of other people. Sometimes we offer advice and other times we just sit quietly. We ask probing questions and try to help people see themselves and their situation clearly. Many times I have been the lightning rod for years of struggle to help someone heal. Sometimes your heart breaks as you listen to the failures people have made that brought them to the breaking point.

4. Sometimes You Are a Parent. There are people in each community who need someone to take them under their wing and mentor them. There are people looking for a spiritual parent in the faith to help them grow and mature. With each passing year of experience as a believer, you gain knowledge that can be shared to help the next generation.

5. You are always a servant. I wish I knew exactly how many times in my ministry I have said, “I will help in any way that I can.” I never know exactly what role will follow, but that’s okay. I have been a mover, a cook, a cleaner, a lawn care guy, a babysitter and a hundred other roles. Numerous jobs simply require a willing body.

What I have found through all my years of being a Christian and especially a Christian leader is that many people are looking for spiritual and emotional help. They have no one close enough to help them or listen to them. God in his wisdom created a community of people who are here to help. You just have to be willing to fill whatever position needs to be filled. In fact, I am sure there is someone who needs you this weekend. Open your eyes and be what someone needs.

I recently watched a woman try to describe her children. What was unique about her attempt was that she sought to do it in one word. I admit that I had never really thought about it before watching her effort. She tried to use a descriptive word for each of her children to encapsulate their personality and their dreams.

While watching her talk about her children a couple of thoughts came to my head. First, how would I describe each of my kids in one word? Then a second more pointed thought came to mind; “Would that word reflect my faith in God?”

There is a big difference between raising a “winner” and raising a “giver.” No one will mistake a “self-confident” person for a “self-sacrificing” one. There is a vast spiritual gap between “faithful” and “proud.”

There are a lot of good words that we can use to label our children, but not all of them reflect our faith. They can be smart or funny or an athlete or social or determined or fast or strong or even a leader with no knowledge of God.

Raising our children in the way of the Lord will lead to the fruit of the Spirit being manifest in their lives. They will be children who are known by their love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23).

My question from this little exercise for myself was quite pointed, “Am I raising children who are defined by God’s standard or by the worlds?”

How would you label your child in one word? Maybe that says more about our parenting than their personality.

I am currently meeting with a small group of people, and we are talking about the topic of marriage. We are using the material entitled “A Lifelong Love” from Gary Thomas. We watch a half hour video each week and then discuss it for 8 weeks. The material has been quite good so far and generated several good discussions.

This last week Gary used an analogy that I found very helpful. He stated that most people view marriage like a tree. With a tree, you take and plant a seedling into the ground. In the beginning, you should water it, possibly fertilize it, and keep any animals from destroying it. We once owned a new tree, and we had to stake it and keep adjusting the ropes to support it. Over time, though, you do less and less for the tree. Eventually, you just expect it to be there offering the joy of its shade. No real work left to do but occasionally clean up the leaves in the fall. He said most people view marriage like that tree, some work up front but little work in the future.

Then Gary suggested a better analogy for us to think of marriage. He said that marriage is more like building a brick house. Each and every day we are placing bricks into the structure of marriage. If we quit and leave before it is finished, then the whole thing is not right. Brick building takes diligence and hard work day after day and brick after brick. You are not finished until every block is set in place. Only then can you really enjoy what you have built.

I thought the analogy was extremely fitting for the lives of people I lead and counsel along with my own marriage. Most of us put very little energy into making our marriage better. Sure, we did in the beginning, but now we feel like we should just be enjoying it.

The big question is “How do you view your marriage?” The wrong images lead to the wrong actions or in this case, lack of action. How would your marriage be different if you viewed it as a brick house other than a tree?

I have spent the last seven days just watching the world move on without me. I have enjoyed time with my family, going shopping, eating out, fishing and generally relaxing. We did not take any trips or do anything expensive, mainly we did not work. Today I was reflecting on my time off, and I was reminded of this one simple truth: God is in control of the world.

I know that sounds so simplistic, but I think we need to be reminded of this essential belief repeatedly. It is easy for me to believe that everything depends on me. I have to lead the Church. I have to take care of my family. I need to run as fast as possible to keep all the plates spinning, or they will crash without me.

A week off reminds me that God is in control. Nothing crashed without me. It might be a blow to my ego, but it was strength for my faith.

Yesterday I was out of town on vacation with my family. We wanted to attend a Church worship program with the entire family as a part of our regular weekend routine. Here is what I have discovered every time this opportunity comes up.

1. There is a Church almost everywhere. If you are out of town, a quick search on google will reveal all kinds of Churches within a few minutes drive of your location.

2. There are multiple time options on Sunday morning. We found Churches with programs from 8:00 am clear up to 11:30 am. Do not think you are limited to your “normal” time at your home Church.

3. There are several non-traditional options to consider. Many larger Churches have added a worship programs on Thursday Night, Saturday Night, Sunday evening and even other possibilities. If your Sunday morning is booked with travel or activities, an alternate program may fit your needs.

4. If all else fails, online programs abound. If you physically cannot make a worship program, there are numerous Churches with live online events. Some even record them so that you can experience them at any time.

The old saying is, “Where there is a will, there is a way.” That is true with Church worship attendance. If you want to be a part of a weekly worship experience, there are several possibilities for you each weekend. No matter where your life takes you.

Here is a thought for your Sunday afternoon. May God bless you all.