In Jesus’ day, the table was the center of social interaction. We refer to their practice as “table fellowship.”  Who you ate with was important. It showed acceptance of another person and meant you were treating them like family. One of the biggest criticisms of Jesus is that he ate with tax collectors and sinners. This is also why the early Church is described as eating together with glad and sincere hearts.

We have made the table all about the food in our culture. On my social media stream, I have seen several people posting pictures of the meal they prepared or the food they purchased at some restaurant. We have shows, channels, magazines, and books that are dedicated to nothing but food. They show how it is prepared and tell you where to get the best tasting whatever.

I think that Christians should reclaim the table for Jesus. Instead of focusing on the food you are making or eating, emphasize who is sharing your table. I would love to see pictures of people eating with new people at Church, recent converts, leaders, and unbelievers as an act of Christian love.

In a few weeks, no one will care about the dish you made or the meal you bought, but the people who walked through your life may be so thankful that you shared your table. I know you will be a different person if you use your table to the glory of God, and perhaps you can change someone’s life in the process.

The marriage counseling group called The Gottman Institute informs us that one of the vital building blocks to a strong marriage, and I think all relationships, is the “Bid for Connection.”

They describe these bids as “the fundamental unit of emotional connection.” They can be small or big, verbal or non-verbal, and fun or serious. They are our attempts to connect with another person in a deeper and more meaningful way. 

These bids can be a question like, “Tell me about how your day went?” or a statement like, “You will never believe what I saw today.”  Those are open invitations to connect. They can also be as simple as a long hug or holding your hand. This can occur in thousands of ways, depending on the person and the situation. If you open your senses to searching for these bids for connection, you will be amazed at how often people, especially your spouse, invite you into a meaningful conversation. 

There are three ways we respond to these bids. First, we can “turn toward” the person and acknowledge the bid. We can also “turn away” from the bid and ignore what was said or done. Finally, we can “turn against” the person by becoming angry and argumentative. 

Quite often, what destroys or builds a relationship is not some big event but rather a series of rejections to bids to connect. Trust, friendship, and compassion are grown through the moments of connection we give to someone else.

If you want a strong marriage and stronger relationships in general, open your eyes and ears to the bids around you. Taking time to connect when someone wants to open up will do more for you than you can imagine.

Half of your life is building relationships. Maybe it is new connections, or perhaps it is making the old ones stronger.

The other half of your life is saying goodbye to old relationships. Our connections change for various reasons. Some people move, other people change, and people pass away.

Building new friendships can be difficult. It takes time and effort, and who knows when those people will tell us goodbye. Sometimes, we think it is far easier to withdraw and not risk headaches or hurt. 

Despite the challenge, keep building relationships. The good will far outweigh the bad. Other people need you, and you need other people.

Some Christians, like me, need to be told this daily as a reminder. Maybe you need to hear it too.

I was raised attending Woodland Heights Christian Church in Crawfordsville, Indiana, with my family. Through the years, I have always tried to stay connected to the people there, at least through my parents. I return with my family every few years and enjoy a time of worship with them. This year on the first week of October, I was visiting my mother along with two of my boys, and we all attended Church together. 

It is fascinating how much the Church has changed through the years. There have been building upgrades, staff changes, new leadership, and a new worship area, contemporary worship added, and most attendees are people I have never met. This past visit reminded me how different things could become in just the five years since my last time there. 

Equally amazing to me are the things that stayed the same. I saw a retired staff member and friend who has been a part of the Church since my high school days. One of the elders was part of a Sunday School class I once attended. Several “senior saints,” along with my mother, are still a part of the Church and have a traditional worship time each Sunday. One of the worship leaders has been doing it since I was a child. Despite all the changes, I was amazed and encouraged by those who have spent a lifetime in that one Church community. 

The Church is an ever-changing group of people, and I am thankful for the ones who have remained faithful all these years.

Then I think about the Church I lead and wonder who will be here in another five or ten years. Who will still serve Jesus in this community twenty or thirty years from now? One dream for my ministry is not just to build up believers but to bring them together for a lifetime.

I know that people come and go, but I am overly thankful for those who stay. They have blessed my life, and I know many still bless others today. Thank God for the faithful few.

In a world full of hate, be kind.

When everyone holds a grudge, be forgiving.

Where no one speaks the truth, be honest.

If everyone else is compromising their values, show integrity.

When other people’s words are vulgar, speak gracefully.

In a world of self-absorbed people, value others.

When no one seems to care, be compassionate.

If everyone else is faithless, be faithful.

The world is full of people, and all of us can choose what type of people we become.

You can look that word up and learn.

It is easy to do in 2022. 

But you still need to surround yourself with good teachers, mentors, and people to support you. It is possible to be an autodidact in faith, but the community of believers is here to help you. You can do it alone, but you don’t have to.  

What do you get intense about?

What topic generates excitement and energy in you?

Whenever you get to do it, you can hardly wait.

What area gets you to talk louder and perhaps a little faster?

What subject brings out your strongest opinions and makes you a tad bit aggressive?

The prophet in the Old Testament named Jeremiah said, “But if I say, ‘I will not mention his word or speak any more in his name,’ his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.” (Jeremiah 20:9 – NIV 2011)

Jeremiah was intense about God and his word.

Are you?

Interpreting events is impossible without all the facts. Proper understanding can only be achieved with all the information.

It happened in a Walmart bathroom (please stay with me). I walked in and could hear a boy sobbing in the accessible stall. His father sounded like he was helping him, although his voice was calm and quiet. The young boy was having a fit. An occasional scream, with wailing and tears, kept coming. The dad remained nearly silent as he worked with the boy.

In my mind, all I could think was, “That little boy needs discipline. There is nothing in the world that requires this kind of reaction.” I wondered how that father could patiently endure his son’s tantrum. I was only in the bathroom for a few minutes, and my blood was already starting to boil. Finally, I thought, “This is almost unbearable to hear; maybe I should say something.”

Just then, the man opened the stall door, and all was revealed. The man appeared in his late 30s and held the whimpering boy in his arms. The young man had down syndrome, and tears rolled down his cheeks. The dad held him tight and only whispered, “It’s okay. You are fine.” 

Suddenly all my feelings change. In a fraction of a second, I went from angry to sympathetic. My emotions wholly transformed once I knew the truth of the situation. 

I wonder how often I have misread encounters because I did not have all the information.

Always remember that before you form an opinion about a person or a situation in their life, it is best to find out the total truth. The person who makes you angry more likely needs your help or sympathy than anything else.

When I was seven years old, I saw the movie “Breaking Away” and wanted to buy a ten-speed bicycle. My parents let me purchase one, and I tried riding it everywhere, replaying each scene and dreaming of being a world-class bike racer.

Not too long after, I saw the third “Rocky” movie. Then I rented the video of the first and second “Rocky,” and suddenly I wanted to be a boxer. I would shadow box in the garage, started exercising, and even considered eating raw eggs but chickened out before I tried it.

Each underdog story I watched or read would inspire me to try something new. It would show me the hard work behind the scenes and the joy of reward for your efforts.

Lately, I have been wondering, if the story of my life was told to other people, what would they be inspired to do? Is there anything in my journey that would motivate people to live differently? Would they see my work and the blessings I received from it?

It is easy to be inspired to do something, but it is far more complicated to be inspiring.  

Live in such a way that you are an inspiration to others. 

Whenever I go on vacation, I like to visit different Churches and worship with strangers. It helps me to stay connected to the global community of believers, but it also allows me to open my eyes to new things.

After you have attended the same Church for at least four weeks, you become blind to things. Then, you start developing patterns of behavior and slowly feel like an insider to the community.

Sometimes we need to shake things up to remember what it is like to be a visitor somewhere. To be reminded of what it is like to experience something for the first time as an outsider. This will help you to be more sympathetic and thoughtful to the guests who come to your home Church. It will also give you the opportunity to meet new people and connect with them. There is no downside to changing your Sunday morning routine.

Why don’t you try it sometime? You can do it without ever leaving home. Park in a different place in the parking lot. Walk into Church on a new path. Shake hands with people you do not know. Sit in a part of the auditorium where you usually do not sit. Move to the front or sit closer to another family. Smile and sing loudly. After the program, repeat the process. Talk to more new people, shake hands and be friendly to strangers. Then, walk out in a different way.  

Doing Church in a new way will open our eyes to see the world from a different perspective and may help you be a better Christian; plus, it will keep the Church a wonderful place to attend for everyone.