You meet someone of the opposite sex.  You like how they look, you like their personality, and you think you can get along, so you decide to get married. 

What you don’t know at the time is that you are marrying more than your initial experience.  You are going to get their family of origin issues.  You are going to get the baggage left over from their parents’ successes and failures.  Their childhood trauma will come to the surface in ways you never expected, and at times you cannot predict.  The choices they made as teenagers will haunt their minds, along with the hurtful comments of their peers.  There is an entire life before the age of 21 that shaped their heart and mind. 

Then there is the addition of their adult issues.  Their communication skills that have developed to protect themselves.  How they react to pressure at work will spill over into your home.  Their love languages will shape their interactions with you and their expectations from you. 

The list of complications you will face could go on and on.

One reason marriage is so complex is because you are committing to spend time with a whole person.  Their past life and present reality and their future dreams are all dumped in your lap as a spouse.  You no longer get just the good parts that you see on dates and at special events.  You get EVERYTHING. 

The flip side of this issue is also true.  One of the reasons marriage is hard for your spouse is because they are getting the whole you.  They are trying to understand your past, help you in the present so that you can have a future together. 

My simple encouragement for married couples is that every time your spouse gets under your skin, remember that you are not easy to live with either.  But if you stick together, your time as husband and wife will be more than your time as a single person.  Every new year your lives will be the product of your current interactions and not the distant past.  You will form new patterns together, and the two will start to become one. 

People love significant events.  We travel miles and pay large sums of money to attend conferences, conventions, seminars, and large gatherings.  In addition, mission trips, weeklong camps, and retreats are sure to inspire us.   They offer encouragement, and we expect great things to happen. 

Sometimes this is true.  These activities move people and grow their faith. 

In my experience, the times I have grown the most have been the seemingly insignificant moments.  Those times when a professor stopped to talk to me as a regular person and not a student.  The occasions when someone shared their heart with me about what God is doing in their life.  There are also those hours when God used one random conversation with a friend to make my thinking come clear.  That is not to mention all the little texts or emails that have brought me joy, encouragement, and enlightenment. 

Each day you never know the amount of good you will do for God in those moments that seem so normal and insignificant.  A kind word, a smile, a friendly text, taking the time to listen, sharing your story, and opening your life to another person may do far more to help others than you ever imagined. 

Sure, put one big item on your calendar each year, but please remember that God is working every day in the little things. 

The New Testament gives us four different writers sharing their perspectives on the life and ministry of Jesus through the power of the Holy Spirit. 

That concept alone raises questions in my mind.  Why not one? Shouldn’t every story be precisely the same?  Why are some stories found in one account and not in another? 

I think that God, in His infinite wisdom, knew that we need to hear the story of Jesus over and over again.  Not just having it repeated to us but shared from different perspectives. We need to listen to the words of eyewitnesses as first-hand experiences (Matthew & John).  We also need the cumulative story as gathered by a researcher (Luke). Finally, there needs to be uniform accounts along with something completely different (John).  Each person’s perspective shines a little bit of new light on Jesus and opens our eyes to something we might have missed.  Therefore it is essential to read all the gospels in detail.  You cannot give a casual glance over one of them and think you know Jesus. 

I write this because I encounter numerous people who have created a Jesus of their own imagination.  They know some of his stories and teachings while being oblivious to others.  My personal conversations and online exchanges reveal that they know just enough to be partially correct but only partially. 

Here are some areas to test to see if you have created a Jesus of your imagination.  If your Jesus is always a nice guy who likes the things you like and hates the same things you hate.  He is full of love for people who think like you do and have similar viewpoints.  He never says anything you disagree with or causes you to change your ways.  Your encounters with him always make you happy and fill you with self-love.  Your Jesus never judges sin, pushes you toward holiness, or questions your life choices.  He is not connected to any community, and neither are you.  Finally, his only message is not to judge so that we can love our neighbor. 

The Jesus of the Bible is difficult.  He challenges us.  He forces us to rethink our positions, change our lifestyles and bring everything under his lordship.  The Jesus found in the gospel accounts is not easy to know, understand or follow.  His ways are not our ways, and it takes a lifetime to surrender to his leadership. 

I really want people to know Jesus, including you. But, I also want to make sure you follow the one revealed on the pages of scripture and not the one you have created in your own image. 

Toby Keith released a song in 2001 entitled “I Wanna Talk About Me.” The chorus states boldly,

“I wanna talk about me, wanna talk about I

Wanna talk about number one, oh my me my

What I think, what I like, what I know

What I want, what I see

I like talking about you, you, you, you usually

But occasionally

I wanna talk about me (me, me, me, me)

I wanna talk about me (me, me)”

Most people listened to the song with a smile because we all know someone (or more than one) who loves to talk about themselves.  If you don’t know anyone like that, then there is a good chance it is you.  Some of us are obsessed with talking about ourselves.

We meet them at the store, and they talk about all their issues.  They come to Church and talk and talk and talk about what they need to be prayed for this week.  At work, you avoid them because you know they will not allow you to get your job done while spending unlimited time on their issues.  I once had a lady say she needed to come to my office to talk.  Right behind her sits a clock on my shelf that I use when counseling.  She spoke for 57 minutes straight, and I never said a single word.  It was almost an hour of every issue in her life. 

Think about your last five to ten conversations.  Honestly, what was the focus of your time talking?  Would the other person agree with you if I contacted them? 

One challenge of a follower of Jesus is put elevate the needs of others.  We are to love our neighbors, submit to one another and encourage each other.  Sometimes one of the sacrifices we need to make to follow Jesus is to shut our mouths and listen more than we talk.  When we do speak, then we ask other people about their issues and struggles. 

I know that in your mind, you think, “But I want to talk about me.” The reality is that to follow Jesus; you need more of him and others – even in your conversations. 

A hero is defined as “a person who is admired or idealized for courage, outstanding achievements, or noble qualities.” (Oxford English Dictionary) Most of us understand that it is someone who sacrifices themselves for the sake of others.  In their sacrifice, people are made safe, shown what courage looks like, and given unexpected opportunities.  

We often think of heroes as people who have fought in wars, stand firm in the face of danger, or stand up for what they believe in ways that garner national attention.  They are highlighted during the news, have stories written about them, and their lives are made into movies.  We see heroes as these rare people who rise above others when duty calls. 

While all of that is true, I also believe there are everyday heroes.  We are surrounded by people who sacrifice themselves for the sake of others.  Some men work extra hours to provide for their family’s needs.  Women let go of the pleasures of youth to raise their children.  There are people serving others in the Church and the community without reward or remuneration. 

This week I am encouraging you to think about all the people who have sacrificed so that you could be where you are today.  Look around and notice the people who are helping you to achieve right now.  Take note of those who are helping you to pursue your dreams while setting theirs aside.  Everyday heroes surround you. 

Then ask yourself, “Who might see me as a hero?” Take the time to also give of yourself to others.  It will be far more fulfilling than anything you do in this life. People have sacrificed for you, now is the time to pay it forward to others.  

The Church is the family of God.

I believe this is a true, Biblical, and important statement.  But I need to add some clarification.   

When we say the Church is a family, most people picture a husband and wife with 2.3 kids.  They imagine a tiny little group where everyone is close emotionally and knows everything about each other.  They care deeply about one another and spend all their time together. 

A local Church may start as a tiny family, but families expand.  I have four boys, and one day I hope they each marry and have children.  And they grow up to have their own kids.  With time, my intimate little group will grow to a large gathering.  In fact, once we get big enough, we will only get together on special occasions and at family reunions. 

As a Church does the work of sharing the message of Jesus and discipling people, new people will be added.  When that happens, the dynamics of the family change.  No longer does Sunday morning feel like an evening at home with tight-knit relatives.  Now it is more like a family reunion held to bring everyone together. 

The goal has never been to keep the family small or for us to know everyone intimately.  Growth is good.  Just know that as it happens, things change. 

One day I pray God will allow me to sit at a table surrounded by my children, their wives and children, grandchildren, and their wives and kids.  At that moment I will be glad that we decided not to stay small. 

The same is true for the Church.

Life is a combination of experiences, knowledge, beliefs, and values that we each hold dear.  One of my core values is, “Leave things better than you found them.”

At my job, I have practiced this with the buildings the Church owns.  I have thrown away junk, help paint, and asked the board to make improvements.  Throughout the years, I have helped lead in significant remodeling projects, adding accessible restrooms, installing lights, along with the addition of new siding.  Each project left the building in better shape than when I arrived.

This principle works itself out in other ways within the Church.  The infrastructure of a Church is a critical part of it achieving its mission.  I have worked to improve bylaws, provide leadership training, and teach whenever possible.  It has led me to implement ministry teams, create procedures and start membership classes.  I want the next minister to walk into an organization that is well run and ready for the future.

Finally, it also applies to people.  Whenever I encounter people who attend the Church I lead, I want them to grow at least one step closer to God in their faith.  John Maxwell talks about “Adding value to people,” and I think he is correct.  Believers help other people carry their burdens, encourage them when they are down, and lend a helping hand when needed. 

As you walk through life, you have two choices.  Will you be a user who takes without giving back?  Or will you be the type of person who leaves things better than you found them?  I hope that my work with buildings and programs is not in vain, but I know that working with people never is. 

Having issues with someone in the Church can be one of the most painful, frustrating, and aggravating things in the world. It causes people to leave the faith, quit Churches, and curse both God and Christians to everyone they encounter.

Why do Church struggles seem so ugly and leave such lasting hurt?

Because the people who follow Jesus should know better

They should have read their Bibles and understand what God desires from them. They should be making changes to be better people who love their neighbors. They should be the best people in a community at love, compassion, and truth.

The people of the Church should practice grace, be kind, overflowing with love, and understand the need to value people over buildings, programs, or projects. They should reflect Jesus in their actions and attitudes as they handle people.

Every believer should know better.

That includes you.

The other coach looked at me and said, “That kid just gets it. You know how some kids get it, and others don’t? He gets it.”

Without any explanation, I knew exactly what he meant. This young man understood what we were doing, why we were doing it, and how to get better. He listened and learned. His time at practice improved his skills and made him a better player. It was not that he had a unique skill set but a mentality that separated him from so many of the others.

You probably know what I am talking about, even if you have never played or coached sports. It happens in business too. One of the employees just seems to excel while others languish. I see it with electronics. Some adults just grab the concepts, make the device do numerous functions, while others don’t get it. Almost every activity in life has a group of people who get it and a group who doesn’t.

I have seen this truth in the Church too. Ron was on my leadership in training team, and he got it. He also recognized the other people who got it. One day he asked me the million-dollar question, “What can the Church do to help more people get it?”

My blank expression revealed a deep secret I had never revealed to anyone. “I don’t know.” I am not sure why it all comes together for some people and not for others. Maybe God needs to do a work in their soul. Perhaps they need to have a catastrophic event to get them to think differently. The prodigal son had to hit rock bottom before he “came to his senses.” After all these years as a pastor, I am not exactly sure why some people get it, and others do not.

One factor that helps people get it is repeated exposure. When you do something over and over again, eventually, some of it sticks. Play hundreds of basketball games, and you start to grasp more. Assemble enough widgets, and soon you can do it in your sleep. Work with electronics long enough, and you begin to see how it all connects.

If you want to be a person who gets it when it comes to faith. Then I believe you will have to open yourself up to the ways of God day after day after day. There are no guarantees that you will get it, but your chances are much better.

Basketball and football both have an intermission halfway through the event for players to rest and regroup. It is time for the head coach to make adjustments based on what they just saw and how their team is performing.

This past week we finished the first six months of this year. We are halfway done with another calendar and headed into the final stretch. Along with ending six months, many people got a day off or an extended weekend with the fourth of July. Still, others took the holiday to take a vacation through this weekend. We are at halftime of another year.

Right now is an excellent time to assess what happened in the first six months and adjust our lives for the coming six months. Covid has made life interesting for the past months, and now things are returning to semi-normal. Through all these changes and new adventures, what has worked and what has not? What new lessons did you learn about yourself and those around you? What changes need to be made to make the second half even better?

The first half of games are important. No one wants to dig a hole that is almost impossible to get out of at the end. But, on the other hand, games are won in the second half. With a bit of coaching and making necessary changes, there is a good chance of success when the final whistle blows.

I hope you have experienced a great January to June. If not, I pray you take some time to rest and reflect. The end of this year could be one of your best ones ever. It won’t be easy, but it is not impossible.