Have you ever thought, “If people knew the real me they would act differently toward me?”

If other people understood the events, ideas, background, emotions, and details of my story, they would behave in an entirely different way. I must continually remind myself of this as a pastor when dealing with people. The words and actions I immediately see rarely tell the truth.

A person may come off as confident or even cocky because of deep-seated insecurities. They may appear mean and angry because they are suffering from deep emotional pain. People often try to mask their real feelings in ways that make them a greater target for misunderstanding.

Here are some of the things I want to know about people –

1. I want to know about your childhood. The events that happened to you as a child can have an immeasurable impact on you as an adult. What was your father like? How was your relationship with your parents? Is there a deeply hidden secret that you have not confronted? I believe to truly know a person well you need to understand their upbringing.

2. I want to know what you have been through in your life. This line of thinking is focused on the events that have happened to a person in their life. Did they lose a parent at a young age? What physical problems have they suffered? Many people have experienced a hard life that shaped them as an adult.

3. I want to know what decisions have impacted your life. This is focused on the things we have done to ourselves. This could range from the decisions that lead to an addiction to a sin that dominates someone’s life. Sometimes there have been poor relationship decisions which are often the result of number one on my list. Many people are carrying the burden of their own mistakes, and it molds their personality in unique ways.

4. I want to know what you are struggling with right now. Everyone is fighting their own private battle. They may be fighting at work or struggling at home, or they might just be at war with themselves. These difficulties lead to patterns of behavior that send out mixed signals to the people they encounter.

As a pastor, I encounter a broad spectrum of people. Most of them are struggling through a complex range of emotions coming from a variety of directions. Honestly, some of them it makes tough to love. It leads some of them to say and do things that appear unkind and often unchristian. People can act in ways that are hurting themselves as they leave a wake of pain in their path.

One of the hardest parts of following Jesus is believing the best in other people. It can be tough to see this beautiful person under all the dirt and mud. Then staying by their side long enough to help them get cleaned up. It requires us to offer grace and forgiveness by the truckload. It requires us to get our hands dirty as we dig through years of junk that has polluted people’s lives.

Each week God sends me one or two difficult people. My natural reaction is to get angry at them and walk away while shouting some generic instruction. My spiritual response pushes me a different direction. It forces me to ask tough questions and love people who at their worst.

The Bible says that is how God treats me. While I was still a sinner, he died for my sins. God offers me forgiveness and grace without measure. He sees the best in me and pushes me to live a better life. God treated me that way, and he wants me to do the same for others, and one huge step on this journey is trying to understand the people God brings in my life in a more profound and more meaningful way. Once we understand someone better, then we can behave in a way more fitting to their situation.

Maybe there is someone today that you need to spend some time getting to know better, perhaps it is one of the most difficult people in your life. This is where your faith meets actions.

One of my regular prayers for my family is that God would “protect and direct us.” I pray it over my boys before they head to college and while they are there. I pray it before vacation and big trips. It is so ingrained in my prayers that I rarely give it much extra thought.

An experience recently reminded me of this daily prayer. I was approaching a stop sign, and I slowed down more than usual. No other car was around, but I felt an easiness I cannot completely put into words. Then a car comes flying out of nowhere and speeds by the stop sign while hanging a left right in front of me. If I had been about 4 feet forward, I would have been hit as this person turned. If I had sped to the stop sign and took off like normal, I would have been struck broadside.

I paused for a moment and looked around to see if anyone was watching what just happened. There was no other car in sight, and the other driver sped down the road without hesitation. I looked up to heaven and thanked God for his protection and direction.

Some people will say, “Yes, but someone I love was in an accident.” I understand that God’s plan is bigger than mine. I will never know why some moments go by without incident and others come with a big price. There is a tension that exists in the divine actions of God that we will never clearly understand this side of heaven. Right now, I am not asking questions, I am just thankful.

In my life, there have been hundreds of little moments where God guided me away from danger for which I am thankful. There have been accidents barely avoided, decisions that keep me from danger and close calls that have shaken me awake from my boring routine. A speeding car running a stop sign can be a messenger of destruction or salvation. I thank God for all those little moments of grace which are so easy to forget.

It was in first grade when I noticed I was a little different. The teacher challenged us to count as high as we possibly could. She placed a stack of grid paper on her desk and said we could use it to write our numbers one by one. I loved the challenge. If I remember correctly the teacher gave us a week to complete the task for a chance at a prize. For me, I skipped both recesses to write my numbers. Other children claimed they wanted to do it, but individually they all dropped off in favor of having a social time with their friends. I kept counting. In the end, the teacher claimed I went the highest of any student in her twenty-five years of teaching. I like to think the record stood until she retired some years later.

I look back on events like that as foundational to my personality. I am an introvert. Before you say, “Oh yeah, me too,” let me tell you the depth of my struggle. To say I am not a people person would be an understatement, I generally do not care for anyone outside of a few immediate family members. They confuse and frustrate me. As a result, I like to be alone in my mind. I wear headphones and try to avoid people and conversations. Large crowds give me anxiety, and small groups are more stressful. I chose activities I can do alone. I read, I fish, I hunt, I metal detect, I think, I dream, and I am beginning to enjoy writing because I can do all of them alone or with a very select few.

When God called me to be a preacher in college, I was sure he was kidding. Me? Right. The struggle became immediately apparent as people would criticize me for being unfriendly. The first full-time ministry offered an unwanted evaluation. They commended my preaching and my leadership. They also told me that my work with people, particularly adults, was sub-standard. Honestly, they were correct. My wife tells me I tend to treat people like they are stupid. I don’t mean to do it, I just have thought through all possible scenarios and other’s lack of thought frustrates me.

When I planted a new Church, I had a series of funny T-shirts. I wore them everywhere including Sunday mornings, and it became an identifying characteristic. They told the bitter truth in a funny way for all the world to see. One of my shirts simply read, “Doesn’t play well with others.” It’s true.

My words may seem foreign to many of you. You love people. They bring you joy and happiness in a way I do not understand. Some of you may know a little of which I speak. For either group, I want to offer a couple of lessons I have learned in 20 years of God calling me to public speaking for him.

1. God Made Me Unique. Early on in life, I wanted to be like the other kids. When I told them about my imaginary basketball teams, they would look at me like I was from Mars. I learned to hide my unique personality to try to fit in more. As an adult, I have learned to embrace my one of a kind approach to life. I have a unique perspective that I now see as a gift. I think God gifted me this way to make me a better preacher and leader. Everyone should embrace their own personality.

2. People Need Jesus. Even though I do not entirely understand people, I am sure they need Jesus. I have read and thought, and I am one hundred percent convinced of the gospel story. Everyone needs to know Jesus and the gospel message which leads to salvation. God stretches my boundaries to proclaim what I believe is factually true. This truth forces me to live in ways that are uncomfortable for the sake of the gospel.

3. I Can Help People. Because of my personality, I can see things that others miss. Because I spend so much time inside myself, I am able to arrange lessons and sermons in a logical way that makes sense to people. Lately, I am discovering that since I do not care about what other people think it has helped me to speak the truth that some people are afraid to reveal. I think my life can be a blessing to others, even with our social differences. Just be patient with me and people like me.

4. I Need Other People to Be Complete. God has taught me the need to have people who are gifted in other ways in my life. I need extroverts to do parts of ministry that I am not talented at doing. You complete me … and I complete you. The body of Christ needs all its parts.

I am hesitant to write any of these words. I am not a person who likes to draw attention to myself. It will lead to awkward conversations and embarrassing questions. Being open about my inner world creates more anxiety, but I am going to risk it. There are introverts everywhere, probably not exactly like me, although I have found some ministers who are similar. We want you to understand us. The Church needs to come together beyond all barriers no matter what differences there are.

There are areas of our lives that most of us want to improve. We want to be a better as a spouse, parent, child, worker, friend, Church member, and a host of other things. We listen to sermons or read blog posts, and there is a stirring in our souls to make a change. This will be the week, the month or the year that good things are going to happen. We dream about it, we talk to friends and family about it, we might even write it down, and sometimes we begin praying about it. “The future is going to be different for me,” we tell ourselves.

Frequently we are pushed into this type of thinking by some dramatic event. A visit to the doctor forces us to reevaluate our lives. A sudden tragedy pushes open the doors of change. Even a big life-changing event like the birth of our children gets us motivated to adjust our thoughts a new direction.

I see this happen to some people every December. As they face the new year, they are convicted that change needs to come. They make resolutions and swear that this is the year they make the improvements they have been dreaming about for so long.

Most of the time these hopes for a better tomorrow are lost in the hard work of today. It is one thing to say that you want to lose weight, it is another to get up an hour early and exercise. It is one thing to say that you want to know your Bible better, it is another thing to set aside a half hour in your busy schedule to read. It is one thing to think about being a better spouse; it is something different to change your routine to show the other person you care. The list could go on and on. Our thoughts and dreams of a different future are bound tightly to the hard work we put in today.

Inspiring people towards a better future is easy. It is simple to give people examples and applications to help them show them the way to behave. It is challenging to get people motivated to work hard.

In the Christian life, there can be a massive disconnect between what I think and dream about and the actions I am doing each day. How about if this holiday season you stopped dreaming and started doing? What will it take for next year to be better than this year? The answer is merely a commitment to hard work.

This fall I lead a small group of men through some material that challenged us to be better men, husbands, fathers, and grandfathers. It was full of great information and never failed to teach and challenge. One of the videos had a pastor pose a couple of questions that I found to be insightful.

1. When your children grow up and leave home, what do you want most for them as they head out into the world?

Here are the four answers for you to choose from:

a. A Sports Scholarship
b. Important College
c. Popularity
d. Godly Character

2. Honestly, where is most of your time going with your children?

Your answers are still the same. Yes, there is some overlap. If we are honest as parents, the majority of our time is given to the first three. We drop them off at school, pick them up after sports and make sure they are at all the age-appropriate social functions.

Where does character development happen in the life of a child? More specifically, where does Godly character instruction occur in the lives of your children? Remember, the absence of training is a form of values clarification.

As Christian parents, we must continually ask ourselves where our time is going. If we do not invest in our children spiritually, who will?

When I listen to the stories of successful people’s lives, there is usually one person who stands above the rest. This individual may have been a parent, a teacher, a coach or someone with a position of some authority. This one singular voice saw the good in them and encouraged them to become something more significant than they ever imagined.

When I talk to young people who are doing great things in this world, frequently there is one person who motived them to pursue their dreams. One caring person looked them in the eye and told them of all the good they could do. They showed care and concern and pointed them in the right direction, and it changed their actions.

When I hear the stories of dedicated volunteers, at least in Church, I find they were usually influenced by one person who saw their potential. That leader took this young Christian under their wing and helped them develop their gifts until they could soar on their own.

At Christmas, our temptation is to try to make an impact on the world through our gifts. We think that if we give enough money or just the right gift, then we will change the world for the better. I just do not believe that is true. People don’t need more stuff, and they are probably not overly interested in your money. What holds the highest potential for an impact is when we believe in someone else.

I believe we all want someone to see past our fake smiles and routine answers. We want another individual to look deep inside of us and see all the good we possess. They may have to see past my bad behavior that was desperate pleas for attention. They may have to listen past my foul language that attempts to make me feel strong. People are longing for a connection with another human who thinks we have value and worth.

So this December, instead of rushing to the store to purchase items to bring joy to the world, what if you expressed a genuine interest in someone? What would happen if you told them of all the good you saw in their life? What if you decided to invest in the life of a younger person for the coming year?

Real and lasting transformation of people will not come with a purchase at the store. Lasting change for good in the life of someone will only happen when we truly believe in them and work to develop them. Yes, it will require a personal investment and probably more time, but the result will far outlast this Christmas.

Sunday is the first day of my week, and it is the biggest. Yesterday I preached in two worship programs, gave a devotional to the Church leadership and then led our monthly meeting. Last night I taught at youth group and prepared snacks while other people connected in small groups. In the gaps yesterday, I uploaded the sermon to the website and closed all the books on all the day’s events. Every Sunday is a long day of work that usually ends with me working while lying in bed until I fall asleep.

Then comes Monday. I know many people hate Mondays, but for a preacher, it is a unique day in my week. Here are some of the parts of my day.

1. Thanksgiving. I am so glad about some of the things that happened yesterday. The sermon in the first program went great. I have a young girl who arranged a baptism for this coming Saturday. Numerous people stepped up to help all around the Church. Our two programs are starting to level off more equally. New people are coming and starting to get connected. 20 kids stayed to practice for Christmas. Our leadership meeting is actually fun and uplifting. We had one of my favorite nights of youth group in a long time, as it was filled with laughter and learning. There are numerous reasons to be thankful.

2. Second Guessing. Every week is also filled with its share of mistakes. There were glitches in each program. The sound system has a buzz that won’t go away. The sermon in the second program just did not seem to get going, and there were distractions. Some leadership decisions are complicated, and I pray we are doing the right thing. Youth group was small, and several people were gone, and I always wonder how we get more teens to attend. There is always room for improvement.

3. Prayer. Each week brings a new list of prayer needs. Yesterday we did not add a lot, but there are several people sick and others with loved ones struggling. I pray for our staff and leadership and the future of our Church along with my family.

4. Planning. Monday morning I lead a staff meeting. We review the events of Sunday and then plan out the rest of the week. What opportunities lie ahead? What challenges are coming? Each Monday starts a new week of preparing for the next Sunday.

5. Grind it Out. While my creativity level is low on Monday, there is still plenty of work to do. I start preparing for small groups, I work an hour or two on my sermon, and I will have several pages of material to get the week rolling. Usually, nothing gets finished on Monday or even Tuesday for the matter. Work just gets started knowing that Sunday is always coming.

Lastly, I will think of you. My mind will roll over dozens of dozens of people who are a part of the world I pastor. I wonder, how can I reach them for God. How can I help them grow? What can I do differently or possibly better to reach more people for Jesus? Is there anything I can do this week that will lead people to take a new and deeper step of faith?

Today I will start a new fresh week of work that I pray will bring Godly fruit in the future. Honestly, I hope that is everyone’s view of today, whether you are in the ministry or not. Each week is a chance to bless the world for God; I pray this is another good week.

I haven’t posted any articles I have read in the last few months. Today I thought I would give you a couple of things to read this holiday season. I hope you enjoy and have a blessed weekend.

What Weight Watchers Taught Me About Church – good stuff.

3 Questions for Parents to ask before you say “YES” to another activity – very important questions.

Five Parenting Myths I Used to Believe

The Pastoral Duty of Letting People Down

Why I Don’t Want You to Attend Church Anymore

Do I Have to Agree With My Pastors? – I thought the article would just say “yes” 🙂

I’m a Pastor, and I Think Pastor Appreciation Month Is a Bad Idea – my feelings exactly.

Ten Questions to Ask at the End of this Week

One instrument can make good music. A guitar or a piano in the hands of a gifted musician can do amazing things. I once watched a man with a guitar play it and then use the body like a drum, and he made sounds I didn’t think were possible.

Typically, the addition of other instruments creates greater possibilities of entertainment. A simple four-piece band can play a variety of sounds and styles of music. Adding more pieces can give us unlimited musical achievements.

This idea recently came to attention as I was watching our worship band. My son was playing the bass guitar, and he was only playing a handful of chords. It wasn’t anything moving and seemed insignificant. Then the drum added a separate beat. Add in an acoustic guitar, and a keyboard and those pieces started to work together. Each person playing their instrument in harmony with the other musicians created a sound that blessed my soul.

I think each Christian is given one instrument in their life. Some people are loud like a drum. Others are quiet and sound more like a flute. Some have the sense of a rhythm guitar while others are an unleashed lead guitar. Each one with a giftedness that gives them their unique sound.

We can make music on our own. Given enough time and experience and we can use our instrument to amaze people with our skills. But even then, we are limited in the amount we can do on our own.

When we take our abilities and connect them with other believers, the possibilities are unlimited. Together we can make sounds that we would not be able to perform on our own. We have the potential to bless people as we work together making the music of faith.

Each weekend we come together as a group of believers. It is not a time to focus on one master musician on the stage. It is an opportunity for us to get the band together with each person filling a role. Some who come will teach children, and others will lead adults. There will be people who sing and speak the word of the Lord. People will be working out front and behind the scenes. Together we will make the music of God for everyone who attends to hear. The sound waves will reverberate through the week and into our community. What we do here will bring beautiful music to our community and our world.

I am tuning up my instrument and getting ready for Sunday. I hope you will come prepared to play some too. I would sure hate to try to play alone. Together is better.

We have just come through the season of Thanksgiving and are headed quickly to Christmas which has been dubbed, “the most wonderful time of the year.” Unfortunately for some people, there has been little to be thankful for right now and the holidays don’t seem so wonderful.

Why does God allow bad things to happen? How do we understand pain and difficulty in the life of people, especially believers? Today, I would like to point you toward four truths about the struggles of this life and the suffering we endure.

1. Sin Exists … and people choose it. The Bible is built on a story that humans are given a choice to follow God or reject him. The first couple decided to reject him, and we continue to do so up through today. Unfortunately, we live in a world where there are people who chose to hurt other people, they lie, they cheat, they steal, they do drugs, they break the law, and they chose to reject what is right. As a result, we are affected by their decisions.

2. Evil Exist … and work against us. I return to the Biblical story of Job. In the early chapters, we have Satan wishing to test Job. He wants to see if his faith is focused on God or just his blessings. Evil wants God to allow him to test Job’s character. I believe that evil still exists, and he is still working against us, testing our integrity, our faith, and our endurance. When you couple our willingness to sin with the opportunity that evil presents, then bad things happen.

3. Pain Exists … and we feel it. Unfortunately, our bodies are not indestructible. Pain makes us cry out for a doctor, or surgery or pills or anything to take the pain away. The harsh reality is that all of us are mortal and these mortal bodies are given to decay. We are all going to die. The flip side of that coin is that emotional and spiritual pain also exists. We feel the pain in our souls as much as the physical pain in our flesh and all of it hurts.

4. Hope Exists … and we need to embrace it. If all of the above statements are true, then our most significant need is for hope in the darkness. I believe that faith has the answer to our pain. First, I believe God can give us forgiveness for our sins. Second, he can provide us with strength over our temptations. Third, he gives us purpose in our pain. He can take the evil and bring good out of the misery. Finally, God gives us the hope of eternal life. Heaven is a place not given to sin, where goodness reigns and where death is swallowed up in victory. There will be no more mourning or crying or pain in the eternal presence of God.

I want you to know that I write this not as a casual bystander watching the pain of the world and offering one-line suggestions for help. I write this as I stand in the middle of my own struggles. Last Sunday marked the one-year anniversary of the last time I saw my father alive. He struggled to walk to the French door and wave as my boys, and I drove out of sight. He then suffered another stroke on Christmas Eve and was gone by January 8th. Every day I think of something that reminds me of the difficulties of the holidays, and it hurts.

Yet, in the darkness I find hope. I understand the nature of the world in which we live, and the hope found in my faith. If you are struggling this holiday season, I pray you find the hope that only trust in Jesus can bring.