Several years ago I heard a preacher talk about “being fully present.” It is a simple idea for us to grasp. Take time to focus your attention on where you are and what you are doing rather than trying to accomplish numerous things at once. We live in the world of the multitask person and the preacher challenged Christians to be single task people.

I was reminded of this idea at the marriage conference this past Saturday. I was there to learn about marriage and hopefully become a better husband. That was my single focus. While I was listening I did begin to notice a couple of people near me. (It was hard to miss them.) They were checking their phones constantly, running out for a break immediately and then returning late, and apparently distracted by all kinds of issues they needed to handle.

All this made me wonder if the real problem in many of our lives is that we are too distracted. We do not focus our attention on our spouse when we are with them. We do not focus on the children when they are talking. Possibly we do not focus on God when we are trying to worship. Perhaps our relationships would all improve if we just tried to focus on who is at hand.

I don’t know how much some people learned at the conference, with all the distractions they had going on. I know learned a lot from the speaker but I also learned by watching them.

Lord, help me to be more fully present with my life. Help all of us.

This past weekend the Homer area Churches hosted Dr. Gary Chapman for a weekend conference entitled “The Marriage You’ve Always Wanted.” It was a great experience and I am going to draw a few observations out for this weeks series of blog posts. The first one actually preceded the conference.

In order for us to host this conference we needed to sell 300 tickets to break even with the expense. With only 10 days left before the conference we had sold only a little over 200 tickets. All of the pastors were a little concerned that we might not cover the costs and each of us could take a financial set back. I was telling this to a lady in my Church who is a psychologist/counselor. I told her what made this especially troubling is that a year ago another Church hosted a conference on parenting. They sold out a conference for 250 people and yet we could not get that many people for a marriage one.

Her response hit the nail on the head. She said something like this, “That is because our culture will do anything for our children, but our marriages usually get little attention.”

Wow. I think she is 100% correct. Most people spend far more time on their children than their spouse. As a result we have selfish, self-centered children and failing marriages. My plea to couples is simply a reflection of both of these thoughts. I say, “The best thing you can do for your children is to have a strong marriage.”

I think it works like this. First, I have a strong faith in God. That in turn makes me a better spouse. That in turn makes me a better parent. So to all the married parents out there I just want to remind them to make their marriage a priority. It is one of the best things you can do for your kids.

Ken Davis in his book “How To Speak To Youth” tells this story on pages 104-106:

In college I was asked to prepare a lesson to teach my speech class. We were to be graded on our creativity and ability to drive home a point in a memorable way. The title of my talk was, “The Law of the Pendulum.” I spent 20 minutes carefully teaching the physical principle that governs a swinging pendulum. The law of the pendulum is: A pendulum can never return to a point higher than the point from which it was released. Because of friction and gravity, when the pendulum returns, it will fall short of its original release point. Each time it swings it makes less and less of an arc, until finally it is at rest. This point of rest is called the state of equilibrium, where all forces acting on the pendulum are equal.I attached a 3-foot string to a child’s toy top and secured it to the top of the blackboard with a thumb tack. I pulled the top to one side and made a mark on the blackboard where I let it go. Each time it swung back I made a new mark. It took less than a minute for the top to complete its swinging and come to rest. When I finished the demonstration, the markings on the blackboard proved my thesis.

I then asked how many people in the room BELIEVED the law of the pendulum was true. All of my classmates raised their hands, so did the teacher. He started to walk to the front of the room thinking the class was over. In reality it had just begun.

Hanging from the steel ceiling beams in the middle of the room was a large, crude but functional pendulum (250 pounds of metal weights tied to four strands of 500-pound test parachute cord.) I invited the instructor to climb up on a table and sit in a chair with the back of his head against a cement wall. Then I brought the 250 pounds of metal up to his nose. Holding the huge pendulum just a fraction of an inch from his face, I once again explained the law of the pendulum he had applauded only moments before, “If the law of the pendulum is true, then when I release this mass of metal, it will swing across the room and return short of the release point. Your nose will be in no danger.”

After that final restatement of this law, I looked him in The eye and asked, “Sir, do you believe this law is true?” There was a long pause. Huge beads of sweat formed on his upper lip and then weakly he nodded and whispered, “Yes.”

I released the pendulum. It made a swishing sound as it arced across the room. At the far end of its swing, it paused momentarily and started back. I never saw a man move so fast in my life. He literally dived from the table. Deftly stepping around the still-swinging pendulum, I asked the class, “Does he believe in the law of the pendulum?”
The students unanimously answered, “NO!”

My wife and I have been fairly sick lately. It has left us with no energy and taking some time off. My creative writing levels are low, but that is okay. There are some great things that other people have written that I have in my files to share for a few days.

This piece was given to me years ago and was originally credited to Ann Wells at the Los Angeles Times in an article entitled “Something to Think About.” Enjoy!

My brother-in-law opened the bottom drawer of my sister’s bureau and lifted out a tissue wrapped package. “This,” he said, “is not a slip. This is lingerie.” He discarded the tissue and handed me the slip. It was exquisite; silk, handmade and trimmed with a cobweb of lace. The price tag with an astronomical figure on it was still attached. “Jan bought this the first time we went to New York, at least 8 or 9 years ago. She never wore it. She was saving it for a special occasion.

Well, I guess this is the occasion.” He took the slip from me and put it on the bed with the other clothes we were taking to the mortician. His hands lingered on the soft material for a moment, then he slammed the drawer shut and turned to me. “Don’t ever save anything for a special occasion. Every day you’re alive is a special occasion.”

I remembered those words through the funeral and the days that followed when I helped him and my niece attend to all the sad chores that follow an unexpected death. I thought about them on the plane returning to California from the Midwestern town where my sister’s family lives. I thought about all the things that she hadn’t seen or heard or done. I thought about the things that she had done without realizing that they were special.

I’m still thinking about his words, and they’ve changed my life. I’m reading more and dusting less. I’m sitting on the deck and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the garden. I’m spending more time with my family and friends and less time in committee meetings.

Whenever possible, life should be a pattern of experience to savor, not endure. I’m trying to recognize these moments now and cherish them. I’m not “saving” anything; we use our good china and crystal for every special event such as losing a pound, getting the sink unstopped, the first camellia blossom. I wear my good blazer to the market if I feel like it. My theory is if I look prosperous, I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries without wincing. I’m not saving my good perfume for special parties; clerks in hardware stores and tellers in banks have noses that function as well as my party going friends’. “Someday” and “one of these days” are losing their grip on my vocabulary. If it’s worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want to see and hear and do it now.

I’m not sure what my sister would have done had she known that she wouldn’t be here for the tomorrow we all take for granted. I think she would have called family members and a few close friends. She might have called a few former friends to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles. I like to think she would have gone out for a Chinese dinner, her favorite food. I’m guessing I’ll never know. It’s those little things left undone that would make me angry if I knew that my hours were limited. Angry because I put off seeing good friends whom I was going to get in touch with someday. Angry because I hadn’t written certain letters that I intended to write one of these days. Angry and sorry that I didn’t tell my husband and daughter often enough how much I truly love then.
I’m trying very hard not to put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and luster to our lives. And every morning when I open my eyes, I tell myself that it is special. Every day, every minute, every breath truly is.. .a gift from God.

About a week ago my oldest son asked for a can of soda. I told him no that he didn’t need the extra sugar. He responded by saying, “He was going to be the best adult ever.”

I asked what he meant and he said he was going to sleep in, eat junk food and do whatever he wanted, whenever he wanted. I simply told him “Good luck with that.”

Today over on This is Indexed there was a card that made a connection for me to my son.

Son, we all thought that!!

Recently a Pastor friend posted a video of preacher David Paul Tripp. It is his response to the question, “What do you see as the biggest challenge facing the Church in caring for people?”

You can view his video response HERE

I find his response to be very insightful.

Over the past week my family and I have been struggling with colds and sickness. It has forced us to slow down a little. I have noticed how it changed my perspective. I think that maybe he is right. Watch the video and tell me what you think.

Recently I was going through a bunch of old Church lesson material and I ran across some “wallet size” pictures of Jesus. They are reproductions of Warner Sallman’s Head of Christ. I am sure you have seen the picture somewhere before.

I kept a copy of the little picture I found, not because it reminds me of Jesus, but because of a memory from college. I was attending the ordination of a college friend and roommate Lance Peterson in a small Church in eastern Kansas. As a group of us walked through an area leading to the fellowship hall we looked up to see this picture. Without hesitation Lance’s brother-in-law Brain said, “Hey, they have Jesus’ senior picture.”

I have never forgot that moment and every time I look at the picture I smile. I still think it was very funny, but maybe it is just me:)

Today I just finished reading through the Bible. It takes me a little longer than others but I am okay with that. I have developed a plan that works for me and I am happy with that. For years I tried using the “One Year Bible” or a one year Bible reading plan. Honestly, I have never finished any of them. Most of them became very frustrating to me for a couple of reasons.

One, most reading schedules are based on reading everyday seven days a week. Well, I try to take most Saturdays off completely. I know this sounds sacrilegious, but I read magazines on Saturdays or maybe an occasional article on the internet – nothing serious. Then on Sunday I am busy with Church most of the day. I read the Bible in class and in sermons and sometimes in discussions. I usually do not have any private quiet time because of the busyness of the day. I am easily able to make time Monday to Friday to read because of my normal routine but weekends are hard.

Two, I have a hard time focusing when I try to read my Bible alone. I am slightly ADD and when I start reading I get sidetracked in my mind and I never seem to get my chapters read. You add that to a plan that reads one chapter of Old Testament history, one chapter poetry, one chapter gospel and one chapter from the New Testament letters. I am usually so distracted that I cannot remember what I read.

So a few years ago I developed a simple plan that works for me. I bought the Bible on CD to listen to – they now have Mp3’s that do the same thing. Then Monday through Friday I listen to 3-5 chapters read to me. The number of chapters read usually depends on the length of the chapters. Each day I take out my Bible and read along while underlining favorite or important passages. I don’t worry if I miss a day but I try to stay fairly disciplined. As a result I am regularly (not yearly) reading through the Bible.

This is a simple plan that works for me. What works for you? My encouragement is to find a plan or a method that works for you and simply do it. You may try several things that don’t work first, but if they do not work I would suggest you not try the same pattern again. Try something different until you find a plan that works. I never thought I could read through the whole Bible and I just finished doing it again. I know you can too.

I am preparing a sermon for this Sunday on King David and King Saul. The series of sermons I am preaching is focused on the relationships that believers have with other people. This week is about how David related to Saul. There is this interesting contrast between David and Saul in the Bible. Initially Saul looked like a man who should be king. Scripture tells us that he was a head taller than everyone else. I am sure he was a large man with big muscles. He looked like a king.

David is the exact opposite. Initially he is a small shepherd boy. He does not look tough and probably lacks much muscle. He does not look like a king. And yet, the scripture affirms that David is the better king because his heart was right with God.

I mention this because of a contrast I see in my life and ministry. For one year I subscribed to “Outreach” Magazine. It seems that on almost every page there is some pastor’s head shot. There are hundreds of pictures in each magazine of different pastors who have written articles or books. Some of the pictures are straight on shots while others are at an angle. Some of them have the pastor drinking coffee while in others they are holding their chin. Some of the pictures are casual dress and others are suit and tie. Page after page of pictures of pastors who have “the look.” They look like pastors with the appropriate haircut, facial hair and wardrobe.

I wondered, when did we become so enamored with the pastor’s picture? When did the exterior become more important than the soul of a man? It appears from scripture that man has always been trying to get the guy with the right look for the right position.

For me, every morning I have to look in the mirror and remind myself that God looks at the heart. Everyday I need to spend more time working on my soul than my body. And everyday I have to ask God to use me even though I do not look much like a pastor. Some days I have to remind myself that the grace of God qualifies me as a servant of God and not how I look – praise Jesus!

We live in an incredible age. If you need to know how to do something then all you need to do it “Google” it. With a few simple key strokes you have access on everything from computer repairs to automobile restoration. Just this week alone I have used this incredible tool to access info on a computer error message, investigate a hotel and connect with an old friend’s blog.

I say all of that and everyone would quickly agree, but we have even taken the internet into the realm of our relationships. If the number one way people find my blog is through searching for the Kilchers (see earlier posts), then the number two way is through searching information about marriage. In fact, my articles and links on marriage issues are read almost everyday.

While all this technology is wonderful because it gives us access to so much information, the same basic problem exists. The real problem is not information but action. I recently had a lady who had searched the internet on marriage and she had run across several descriptions of what a marriage should be like. She read me an article that was very well written and articulate about the essence of marital love. The problems in her marriage were then presented to her husband. Now they both had some accurate information on what real love looks like in a marriage and how they were missing the boat. Here is the sad part of the story. Neither of them have done much to change their marriage in light of this new information.

With the internet I can randomly watch videos on how to build knives and think, “I should do that someday.” Then I read about marriage and think, “I should do that some day.”

So today, I am not providing you with any new information. I am challenging you to go and do one thing you already know. Tell your spouse you love them, buy them a little gift, kiss them passionately, hold their hand, write them a love letter, take them out to eat, listen to their boring old stories, etc. etc. etc.

Having a great marriage has nothing to do with having all the right information it is about doing the right thing repeatedly.