Throughout my ministry, I have spoken with hundreds of people whose lives were a mess. They had reached the bottom of the barrel. They were at the end of their rope. They were caught in sin. Their relationships had fallen apart. Life had taken a drastic and unexpected turn. Now they were searching for answers and a new path.

Their search for a better future had brought them to Church. They had heard about grace, mercy, love and compassion and they were all for it. The Lord had brought them to Church and they want to follow Jesus and turn over a new leaf.

As a Pastor, I applaud their decision. I wish everyone would come to a saving relationship in Jesus. I believe there is no greater decision.

BUT …

I also believe that find Jesus is only half of the battle. The other half is transformation.

Making Jesus your Savior changes your relationship with God but it does not immediately change everything else. True change in life is achieved in the hard decisions of every day.

Finding Jesus won’t save your marriage unless you selflessly serve your spouse like Jesus.
Finding Jesus won’t change your children unless you teach them to live like Jesus.
Finding Jesus won’t stop that addiction unless you walk away from it through the power of Jesus.
Finding Jesus won’t heal your relationships unless you learn to forgive like Jesus.
Finding Jesus won’t stop your harsh words unless you start speaking like Jesus.

Far too many people think that finding Jesus and making him your Savior will change everything. Soon after they are disappointed that nothing really changed. Jesus is not a magic wand you can wave over all your problems and make them go away. He is a teacher pointing you toward a new way to live. Following him in everything is the only way to make things new.

I am naturally a pessimist. The glass is half empty. The bad news just hasn’t arrived yet.

I am reminded of this sometimes when I replay the conversations of each day in my mind. It hits me when I read my old blog posts. I see it clearly reading through some of my old sermons.

I have to work very intentionally on being positive. Today is one of those days when I tell myself that I need to see the good in the world.

Here are 10 positive thoughts for today.

1. I believe in a God who cares about me.

2. In Christ, all my sins are forgiven.

3. No one can separate me from the love of Christ

4. God has me right where he wants me.

5. I am part of a Church full of wonderful people

6. Even those who oppose me are helping me to grow.

7. I have all of this life’s basic necessities – food, clothing, and shelter with clean water to drink.

8. I have been given more than I need, I even have enough to share.

9. I have been given a wonderful family.

10. This is a day that the Lord has made, and he gave it to me.

*[Bonus] – Even if this day falls apart, I still have eternity with Jesus as my reward.

Hope you have a happy Friday and a wonderful weekend. May you see the Lord’s blessing today and everyday.

Through the years I have driven a lot of miles. When I think about the vehicles I have owned and the mileage when I bought them versus the mileage when I sold them, I would guess I have driven close to a million miles in my life. That is a pretty big number for a person who does a limited amount of driving as part of his job.

As a person who spends a lot of time on the road, when I purchase a new vehicle the first thing I buy for it are blind spot mirrors. These are simple little mirrors you put on the corner of your current rear view mirror. When you are driving down the highway and you need to change lanes you look in the big mirror for any approaching traffic. Then you look in the little mirror for anyone in your blind spot. This little mirror has saved my thousands of dollars.

The truth is that we all have blind spots. Even the best driver in the world has little places where another vehicle can get lost from their field of vision. This truth also applies to our lives. Each of us has blind spots where we cannot see everything clearly, even when the truth is close to us.

All of us need some blind spot mirrors on our life. I believe God gives us those in other people.

1. We need other people to get close to us.
Before other people can speak truth into my life I need to allow them to get close enough to really know me. There is a tendency to keep everyone in my life at arm’s length. That keeps us from letting people know the real us. I mean, if people really knew what happened with my parents or my spouse or my children, they might never want to talk to me again. Keeping people away keeps me from hearing the truth but it is terribly unhealthy.

2. We need other people who love us to tell us the truth.
The Bible says that wounds from a friend can be trusted. If you do let a person into your life who truly cares about you, then they need to tell you the truth about what they see. You need someone who loves you enough to tell you about the flaws they see in your life.

3. We need people who will tell us the truth, even if they don’t love us deeply.
This one is hard but necessary. It is easy for us to gather around ourselves people who are just like us. They have the same blind spots in their life as I do. We need a few people to speak to us who are not overly friendly. This might be a counselor of some sort or a boss or even a pastor. Outside input is important. I have to remind myself of this truth when it comes to critics. I often ask myself, “What is the grain of truth they are saying that I need to hear?”

4. We must be willing to listen to others, even if it hurts us now.
I could look in my blind spot mirrors and see another car, I could guess I have enough room and go ahead and change lanes at my own risk. The other option is to trust what I see and make adjustments in my thinking. The same is true in life. If someone points out that my marriage is headed for destruction or my children are walking a dangerous path, I have the choice to listen to them or not. A wise person listens and makes the changes necessary to end at a better destination.

The reality is that all of us need people in our lives. We need a few close people who can help me on my journey and I can help them on theirs. We need to hear and see the truth in order to navigate life with minimal injury. My little blind spots mirrors are worth their weight in gold. Good friends are worth more.

Honest confession time for me. There are a lot of things labeled as Christian do that I do not like. I say this as a Christian and as a Pastor. I simply do not like these things.

1. Gospel Tracts. I especially hate the ones that look like money. Do you know what I am talking about? They are a piece of paper that looks like a $100 bill folded up. You open it and it says, “Disappointed” and then it explains the gospel. There are other ones I have seen through the years stuck in various places trying to spread the gospel. Has this ever worked?

2. Cheesy Christian Movies. Because of the success of a couple of Christian movies, everyone must have decided to make one. My wife and I have started a few on Netflix. They combine terrible writing, bad acting, and a low-budget into something that makes my children beg for mercy. How it get four stars? Oh yeah, it’s Christian so it has to be good, right?

3. Preaching at an Inappropriate Time. I have a friend in ministry who like to preach a “turn or burn” sermon at funerals. He has a slight variation he does for weddings. Needless to say, but he doesn’t get many invitations to speak anymore. I believe there are a time and a place to share the gospel of Jesus. There are also times to keep quiet and follow the agenda. That is not cowardice, that is a courtesy.

4. Religious Junk. At one point Christian bookstores sold books. Most of them I visit are now religious junk stores. They have all types of foreign-made plastic trinkets with something remotely Christian written on them. Apparently, if you slap a Bible verse, Jesus name or a cross on something it has immediate religious meaning. Then there are pictures, decorative pieces and even toys that fill the shelves. You can purchase almost anything. Unfortunately, most of it is poorly made and way overpriced. When did Christianity become about owning a so-called religious item?

5. Most Christian Music. There are a few great Christian artists out there, but people who make great original Christian music are very few. Most of what I hear are knock off versions of pop songs with second-rate poetry. That is not to mention the poor theology and scripture twisting. I check the top 40 Christian song list every month and it is usually a big disappointment. My children hate most of it, not because of the lyrics, but because it is just poor music. I tend to agree.

Honestly, I know this blog sounds judgmental and I don’t want it to be. I have heard a lot of non-Christians complaining about Christian stuff and these five are usually on the list. I want people to know, I am a Christian and I feel your pain. Most Christians I know are extremely well-intentioned. They love Jesus and they cherish their faith. They are looking for real and practical ways to do that. Unfortunately, many of our efforts turn people away from Jesus and not toward him. I want to declare, “I hate that too and I am sorry.” Then I want to be motivated to do better in every way.

Some sermons speak to me as much or even more than they speak to the congregation. Last Sunday was one of those sermons. God was speaking to me through the prep time, through the delivery and also in the days following Sunday. For me, there has been one thing that has been burning in my mind. I have never met anyone who has been hurt by “the Church.”

Let me explain. I have been in Churches that were very toxic situations, but in every case the situation was caused by one or two individuals or families. Often there was one big bully who was running the Church and their leadership was not motivated by the word of God or by his Spirit. Usually, these people were driven by one of the three great sins of mankind – money, sex or power. The end result was that someone in the Church was hurt, not by the whole group of Christians, but rather by the ungodly actions of one person or a very small group. I know this is true in my case.

This is an important distinction for us to make. I believe our tendency is to think of our hurt as a group action because it allows me to place blame on no one specific. A friend of mine in ministry used to say “we focus on a group because it eliminates personal confrontation.” You see, my sermon Sunday was about forgiving a person that hurt you even if they call themselves a Christian and should have known better. But if I view my hurt as the actions of the entire group then I no longer have to worry about forgiveness. I can let myself off of the hook for my own spiritual responsibilities of growth through forgiveness.

I wonder, “Is it possible that God might be growing my faith and trust in him even through difficult and ungodly people?”

As I said in the sermon one of our primary ways of handling hurt is by avoidance. We can act as if it didn’t happen and avoid dealing with it. We can avoid the person who did that terrible thing. We can avoid the whole group of people who call themselves Christians. Sometimes saying, “I was hurt by the Church,” is an easy way of not dealing with the hurts in your life made by a specific individual. We use a group label to avoid dealing with the situation. The final result is spiritual death and not growth.

I refuse to allow a bad situation to stop my spiritual growth. I refuse to allow one ungodly person to ruin my faith. I am not going to allow them to have that much power over me.

If you don’t know me. I am currently raising four teenage boys. The oldest is in college and the youngest is in 8th grade. My house is full of boys and following their lives. Last night I was reflecting on some lessons I have learned through the years and some advice I might share.

1. Skip the Vacation Till They are Older – Your children will not remember anything you do until they are older. Believe me, I did the trips and now I ask the kids about them and they just give me blank stares. Save your time and money. This includes skipping the Easter Egg hunt, the parade, the pumpkin patch and Santa. I know that makes me sound like a mean old man. Trust me, one day you will look back at all those pictures and ask yourself, “Why did I do all that stuff?”

2. Love with Sons is Rough – I know it might just be my boys, but love in our house was rough. Love involved football and wrestling. It was “rough-housing” and outdoorsy. Boys need a father figure who is willing to get down on the floor with them in spite of what mom thinks.

3. Limit Pictures and Enjoy the Moment – Some pictures are great. I have a collection I keep on my computer that I look at regularly. 1,000 pictures are overkill. You do not need a photo of every moment. Honestly, boys rarely ever sit down and look at them. Be real, the pics are for mom and not the boys.

4. Don’t Try to Recreate Yourself, Let Them Be Them – This is tough for dads. I wanted my boys to love fishing and metal detecting like I do. I wanted them to enjoy what I enjoy. My boys don’t, at least not yet, and that is okay. I want them to do what they enjoy and not try to make me happy.

5. Keep Pizza Rolls in the Freezer and Soda in the Fridge – Over the last 2 years since we have moved to Adrian we have had a house full of boys. My boy’s friends are always at our house. Rarely does a weekend go by that someone is in our house at meal time. Boys love Pizza Rolls. I can’t explain it, but a pan of Pizza Rolls, a bag of chips and a can of soda makes everyone happy and then they do not have to run home. If you want your children at home with their friends so that you can know what they are doing and have an influence, buy a little junk.

6. Video Games Are Not The Devil – I know that many adults think that video games can rot your brain. For my boys, they are a source of bonding. The boys spend time playing games together. They talk about it and strategize their next game. They invite their friends over to play. A big TV with the latest games is like a magnet for boys. Accept it and love it.

7. Sports are Not God – For me, the definition of a god is something that controls your thoughts and actions. If you put sports to high in a child’s life there is a huge fear of falling. One day they will play someone better or they will get hurt and their world will come crashing in on them. Keep God as God and enjoy sports when they fit into the rest of your plans.

8. Getting a Sports Scholarship is Not What You Think – Unless you are the best in your state at an event, your chances of a “full-ride” scholarship at a big university are almost non-existent. Scholarships work differently at a small college. Small colleges only have a certain amount of money to go around. They will have you fill out FAFSA, take the ACT for the highest score, apply for other scholarships and then see what is left to pay. At that point, they may give you all or just a little bit for you to play. Good grades are 50 times more important for college than athletic ability. Trust me – been through it and going through it.

9. One Day the Right Girl Will Come, Until Then Dating Can Wait – I believe the point of dating is to find a mate. You do not need to find a mate until you are leaving high school at the soonest. Enjoy time with your friends and leave the serious dating until you are older. Continually dating someone and breaking up is training for divorce and not marriage. I know this is hard when all the other boys have girlfriends, but one day they will thank me for it.

10. Never Let Up On Faith – Keep teaching and training until the day they leave your control. Model faith in your own life. Ask questions. Share stories. Be honest. Continually point to God.

This is my life. I am the father of four boys. I have no idea what it is like to have girls (I am happy about that :-), but I am sure it is different. I believe boys are uniquely created by God and parents need to treat them as such. Maybe one of these things will help you on this wonderful and awful journey.

I was talking to a Church leader recently and they shared an insight worth repeating. This leader knows of a Church that recommends their people start using this phrase regularly. The phrase is either “My name is (blank), how can I help you?” or simply “Can I help you?”

They found that many people on Sunday morning see guests and they do not know what to say. Asking someone, “Are you new here?” can be tricky since they may have actually attended a number of weeks and you have not met them. Also, walking up and introducing yourself is nice but doesn’t help if this person needs something.

This Church told people something like this. If you see someone you do not know. Walk up and introduce yourself and then ask them, “Can I help you with anything?”

Words like this help to put people at ease and give them an opportunity to get the help they need. Being friendly is not just about shaking hands, it is about offering a helping hand.

It may surprise you to know that I am not a very busy person. Sure, I have busy weeks just like everyone else, but those are the exception and not the rule. I used to try to max out every day of my life. I was proud to work long hours, volunteer my time and lead community organizations. As you can imagine, those days lead me to be nearly burned out as a Pastor.

Over the last 7 years, I have committed myself to not being busy all the time. For me, that meant learning to say “no” to numerous activities. I dropped out of community civic clubs, stop doing most weddings, limited my involvement in youth sports and started keeping a tighter schedule. In fact, I find myself saying “no” much more than I say “yes.”

First – I needed to establish my priorities. For my that meant making a short list of who gets my time. My time goes to the Lord, my wife, my children and my job. I enjoy sports and so does my family, but it is not a priority. I enjoy having several hobbies but they will not take away from what is really important.

Second – I needed to set boundaries. For example, if you want to meet with me on a Friday, my response is “no.” Friday is a day off to recharge my battery and spend time with my family. This type of thinking lets me leave most nights open instead of packing them full too.

Third – I needed to stop playing to the crowd. Too often we are busy because we desire to make everyone happy. We can quickly fill our time trying to please the people who we feel are watching. It sounds like this, “I better get more involved at school or the other parents will think I am a slacker.”

Fourth – I needed to understand that most busy people end up in heartache. I am not trying to scare you, but most of the people I know who have had an affair, one of the people was too busy. Either they were not at home and they got connected to a person at work or they were always alone while their spouse worked and finally they got lonely. Long hours and lonely nights are always a recipe for destruction.

Fifth – I needed to stop trying to be God. One of the reasons I was busy was because I tried to live as if everything depended on me. My control issues would not let me give responsibility to anyone else. I thought that no one could do it better than me. I kept taking on more and more work while I tried to control the world. I had to learn to trust people and let God run my universe.

Over time my life has gone from run, run, run while trying to multitask to a large amount of my time is free. It is not because I do not care about other things, it is because being busy was a symptom of the problem with my soul. Sometimes the most Godly thing we can do is to say “no” to the rest so that we can say “yes” to the best.

Last week our Church brought on a new children’s minister to serve here at Adrian Christian Church. She and her family are settling into their new home, new Church and new town. We are glad she is here and have high hopes for the future of our children’s ministry at the Church. In an effort to make her transition go even better I want to make a few suggestions.

1. Pray for Her and Her Family.
This is always the best place to start. Transitioning a family is hard. Not only is everything new but the old is now far away. Family and friends were left behind along with all of the life they knew. Pray they transition well and this feels like home very soon. Pray for her new ministry and the work she has to do. Pray that God will do an amazing work in their lives and in the life of this Church.

2. Invite Their Family.
When you are new to a community it is hard to find new friends, new places to eat and fun things to do. It is wonderful when people in the Church invite you over for meals and time to visit. It is an honor when people invite you to different events in the community. It is a blessing when people take you out to eat and show you the local favorites. Don’t forget them as they are trying to settle in.

3.Step Up and Step Down.
Every time I have moved to a new town I have found a group of people serving selflessly. Then something interesting happens, I arrive and people start quitting. The thinking is usually, “We hired them to do that.” The reality is that when a new minister arrives, they need more help and not less. They have projects and programs that will help our Church and our children and they need more volunteers than ever. This is not the time to quit your service, it is the time for more people to step up and do more.

4. Start or Continue Your Giving
Honestly, a new staff member costs the Church money. We have budgeted so that we can pay for her salary. The hard truth is that as she does more for our children we will need more money. Your giving not only pays her to serve the Lord at our Church, but it also pays for all of her ministry needs. Money is an ugly topic but is it necessary to do ministry.

5. Invite Children to Join Us (and their parents)
Over the next several months we will be adding new programs and making old programs even better. What better time for you to invite more children to join us each week. It might be for a Sunday morning or for a special event. What a great time to reach the children in our community with message of the gospel.

I am praying that God will use our new minister to do great things. I am also praying that our Church and our community will love and support them in every way.

I never wanted to be a youth minister. Honestly, I never wanted to be a preacher. Through several divine circumstances I ended up a preacher and at every ministry I have also served as the leader of the youth program. As a result, I have spent 23 years working with Jr High and High School students and their parents. I am currently a High School Sunday school teacher and one of the leaders of our Church’s youth group.

While serving the Church God also gave me the privilege of raising four boys of my own. One of them has now gone off to college, another is a senior, one is a sophomore and the youngest is in 8th grade. Having my own children in the youth group that I lead has given me some unique perspectives on all that we do.

I think my experience has given me the opportunity to write about why I believe that all youth should be involved in youth group.

1. They need spiritual instruction.
A teenage Sunday school class or teen youth group are great places to learn about God, Jesus, the Bible, and spiritual matters. Every week a teacher spends hours preparing a lesson to challenge and teach. Where else in the world are they going to get that? If a teen is not exposed to regular teaching in some form, then I highly doubt they are growing in their faith.

2. They need to see adults who model the faith.
Every week a there is a group of adults who really want to show your children what it means to follow Jesus. I have yet to have a youth sponsor or teacher who did not care about the kids on a very deep level. Children, especially teens, need to see adults other than their parents who are trying to live for Jesus.

3. They need to connect with people their own age who believe.
All people, including teenagers, need support in their faith. Youth group is a gateway to connect with people of like faith. Many of the youth who come do not have a lot in common. I firmly believe that is great. It gives the teens a chance to step out of their own group and see the many wonders of God found in different people.

4. They are not old enough to decide on their own.
I have had dozens of parents argue with me over this one. They say, “I don’t want to force them to go. They might resent me or the Church. I let them choose on their own.” I simply respond by saying “That’s crazy.” You don’t let them chose to go to school. You don’t let them chose to listen to their teachers or not. You don’t let them chose what they want to eat. You don’t let them chose what time they go to bed. You don’t let them chose to go to practice or listen to their coach. You make all kinds of choices for them. I guarantee they do not like your choices in many of those but they see that you are not budging so they do not fight it (often). Then when it comes to spiritual matters you tell them, “Whatever you want.” That is crazy. I believe a Godly character is more important than sports or school. There is no way I am letting my kids decide until they are out of my house. Sure, even my kids have resisted it when the school doesn’t respect Wednesday night. They know it doesn’t matter, they are going and they can miss the school function. You are the parent and don’t give the responsibilities that go with raising your kids in a Godly manner to anyone else.

5. They learn through the choices of the priorities their parents display.
Straight talk. If you make school and sports and vacation and whatever else a priority over Church or youth group, then your children learn what is really important. If you treat Church youth functions as the lowest priority on your list, they know that. Then one day they leave the house and they quit Church and you tell me, “They were raised better than that.” I want to say, “Not really.”

I am not going to tell you that Church youth functions are always wonderful. Some of them suck. We plan and prepare and things just don’t go well. But that is is also true of school functions and sports functions. Not everything is great and that’s life. You know what else? Sometimes it is incredible. I have seen teens brought to cheers and to tears. God was present and lives were molded for eternity. In fact, I have seen more good things happen in Church youth functions than bad and I would hate for your child to miss it.