I understand that when you read the title of this post, you probably thought, that is not me. I want you to know that I can see the truth. You are hurting inside. You are confused about your life, and you do not know how to express it properly. I am sure things did not work out as you planned. Your life was supposed to go this way, and it just didn’t happen. You are not happy, and frequently it shows.

My guess about your situation is that you once had big dreams. You were a sports star, homecoming royalty, popular and everyone thought you were the most likely to succeed. You set the bar high for yourself and rightfully so because everyone saw your potential. People knew that one day you would conquer the world and be rich or famous or both.

Somewhere along the way, things took a wrong turn. One of several things might have happened to you. A sports injury ended your career and left you sidelined from your dreams. Maybe a poor decision led to a series of unfortunate events that left you labeled with ugly terms. Perhaps you threw yourself into your dreams, and you simply failed.

In the wake of devastation, you turned to God. You realized your need for forgiveness. You came to understand and accept grace as you tried to rebuild your life. It was a wonderfully defining moment that saved you from deep despair.

And yet, something is still not right. You harbor bitter feelings of disappointment in yourself. There is a deeply hidden pain when you look in the mirror. You are sure everyone else is judging you and saying to themselves how much of a failure you really are. The frustration you feel about yourself is projected on other people. Without realizing it, you have become this bitter and angry person.

You feel separate from other people. No one seems to want to draw close to you anymore, and you are convinced it is their problem. The anger becomes your entrenched attitude toward everything and occasion blowup is becoming more frequent.

If this is you, can I make a couple of statements for you to think about today?

First, let me assure you that no one feels about you the way that you think of yourself. In fact, most people do not think about you at all. They are fighting their own internal battles. The majority of people see you as a wonderful person with issues, just like themselves.

Second, let me remind you that God forgives you. He not only forgives you, but he is also rewriting your story toward a better ending. God has better dreams for your life than you ever had. Cling to grace every day.

Third, your current anger is doing more damage than you realize. In your frustration, you are hurting people who love you. You have the power to stop the pain for them. Do a daily attitude check and resist the ugly emotions that fill your head.

Finally, I hope you will allow this season of your life to be a time of growth. Don’t run away from people who care about you. Don’t lock all these emotions inside and allow them to fill your future. Let these difficult feelings bring you closer to God, push you toward grace and become a kinder and gentler person.

As your pastor, I know you are struggling. Although you would never articulate it to me or to anyone else for that matter, we all know what is going on inside of you. We are afraid to say something because we feel like you will blow up and it will make matters worse. The people around you care about you, and we want to help, please let us.

You are God’s precious child no matter how you feel about yourself today.

While singing a worship song that I loved, I looked around the auditorium to see everyone else’s joy at the moment. What I saw was disappointing. Remarkably few people seemed to be enjoying the music the same way in which I was.

A little confused I then took the opportunity to do a little survey. With each song, I would take a quick look around to gauge the enthusiasm with every song. All of the songs, from hymns to chorus’, brought a different reaction. One group loved this song; another group enjoyed that song, some songs were liked by everyone while others seem to be hated by all.

As I watched this all unfold before my eyes, one simple thought became clear in my mind: Someone in the Church enjoys the exact opposite things as me. Each week the songs that you have the most profound emotional connection with are hated by other people. You can expand that truth out even further in the application. That program that the Church puts on that you can’t wait for each year, someone else dreads it. That class that you think is so beneficial, someone else finds it worthless. That person that you find so endearing, other people find annoying.

While this truth drives me crazy at times, I think that it is one of the most genius moves of God.

Think about it …

1. Our differences make us focus on Jesus.
The Church is a gathering of people brought together by Jesus. We are not a social club or a community action group; we are Christ followers. Every time I wonder why God brought together this group of people, he reminds me that Jesus is the reason we are a part of this group and nothing else.

2. Our differences allow us to connect with everyone.
If we were all the same, then we would only have appeal to people who are like us. Because the church is this mish-mash collection of people, we can share the gospel with everyone.

3. Our differences force us not be selfish.
I think that this maybe is the most significant benefits and challenges. Each week I must submit my will to the desires of the group. I have to say to myself, “I don’t like this, but I bet someone does.” If I want to see all people come to know Jesus as their Lord and Savior, then I will put my preferences behind other people’s. For the sake of the gospel, I force myself to surrender my will for the benefit of others.

I am glad we are not all the same. What a dull gathering that would be each week. Instead, God places us in a community of people who enjoy things I despise for the betterment of all of us. It may drive us crazy at times, but it also stretches to become more like Jesus.

Here are some of the best articles I have read recently. Lots of great thoughts. Enjoy.

Sing Your Heart Out at Church (Even If You Hate the Music)

5 Regrets You Don’t Want to Have if Your Kids Walk Away from Faith

Five Reasons Many Pastors Struggle With Depression

Five Reasons Christians Cannot Abandon the Church

4 Steps to Overcoming Porn Addiction

The Top 7 Myths About Time (It’s Time To Bust)

Three Truths for When Leaders Disappoint

Two more good ones from business guru Seth Godin –

Fun, urgent or fear-based

Your kitchen table

And finally, I love this video by John Crist, “Every High School Sports Parent”

Here is a great quote I ran across from writer, speaker, and thinker Henri Nouwen (I think it is from the book “Life of the Beloved”)

“Strong emotions, self-rejection, and even self-hatred justifiably toss you about, but you are free to respond as you will. You are not what others, or even you, think about yourself. You are not what you do. You are not what you have. You are a full member of the human family, having been known before you were conceived and molded in your mother’s womb. In times when you feel bad about yourself, try to choose to remain true to the truth of who you really are. Look in the mirror each day and claim your true identity. Act ahead of your feelings and trust that one day your feelings will match you convictions. Choose now and continue to choose this incredible truth. As a spiritual practice claim and reclaim your primal identity as a beloved daughter or son of a personal Creator.”

— Henri Nouwen

This October will mark 25 years I have been a preaching minister in a local Church setting. This journey has led me to two student ministries while attending college. Since then, I have also worked in four local Churches, one of which I started from scratch.

Over those 25 years, I have seen some changes in the Church. Not only has worship changed, but also the technology in the worship setting has radically improved from the instruments to computers. Methods have changed, personal technology is now a thing, and it seems every year brings new ideas that are meant to help people love God and their neighbor.

Each year I push myself to do the very best I am able at my job. Recently, I told someone that I was doing my best as their pastor and later I thought I should expand that thought.

I am trying to do my best at …

1. Learning about God through his word. Over the last ten years, I have dedicated more and more time each week to reading the Bible and understanding what it says. This results in an extended period of Bible study each day along with hours spent reading articles online and in magazines beside my traditional books. I want to know more about God so that I can lead the Church from my reservoir of information.

2. Listening to the voice of the Spirit. For me, this could be captured with two words: prayer and reflection. Each day I want to spend quality time in prayer about my family, myself and my work. Then I want to couple that to moments of reflection where I can process how God is leading and what he is trying to tell me through circumstances and people.

3. Meeting the needs of the congregation. Every week when I write a sermon I ask myself, “What can I say that will be helpful to this group of people?” Do people need to hear about marriage, parenting, spiritual growth, or a variety of other Christian topics? I want to speak only after I have observed and listened carefully. This influences my sermons and series, the classes at the Church and the programming we offer.

4. Using the best practices for growth. Not only do I read books about Biblical topics, but I also absorb as much material as possible about what other Churches are doing. I want to know what is working for others that leads people to spiritual growth along with numerical growth. I try to keep my finger on the pulse of Church trends in the United States. I never want to lead a Church with methods that worked many years ago but are no longer effective.

5. Applying everything I have learned. God has taught me so much through the last 25 years and beyond. I have personally tried and failed at more programs and projects than I care to remember. I have gained knowledge about people and seen the typical responses to situations. These lessons are not wasted information reserved for conversations about the good old days. These are stones I am using to build the kingdom more effectively where God has called me to minister.

These are the things I spend most of my time doing.

Please notice that there is a long list of things I am not trying to do. I am not trying to make everyone happy. I am not trying to hold onto the past while neglecting the future or vice versa. I am not trying to make a name for myself. I am not even trying to get people to like me.

I am trying to please God through my leadership in the local Church. One day I will stand before him, and he will ask me to give an account for all that I have done. He will be the final judge of my work. I hope it inspires people and leads them closer to God. I hope some people do like me, but I primarily want to please God above all else.

A teacher once wrote a single word on a piece of writing I turned in for a grade that has affected all my writing since then. I forget what I wrote, but I remember his word distinctly. He wrote in capital letters, “TRITE.”

At the moment I had no idea what that word meant. I quickly went and looked it up in the dictionary. It is “an overused word, phrase or opinion and consequently of little importance; lacking originality or freshness.” The teacher thought my wording was an expression that meant nothing anymore because of its overuse. Trite.

When I listen to Christians tell me the story of the events of their lives I frequently want to stop them and say, “Trite.” They continually use words and phrases that mean nothing.

One of the most commonly used phrases has to do with prayer. Often Christians will tell me “I have spent a lot of time in prayer over this matter.” It is always stated in the past tense and emphasizes the length of time spent praying. They want other people to know that this decision was not of their own devices, but rather a God-inspired move.

Usually, I have one follow-up question to this trite old expression. I want to know “Would your actions have been different if you had not prayed?” It seems that for most people the answer to their prayers was almost identical to the answer they were already seeking. For example, they thought it was time for a job change and lo and behold they felt God saying the same thing. They thought it was time to quit a particular ministry in the Church and they prayed. Guess what? God said the same thing.

So I want you to ask yourself a couple of questions about your prayers.

1. Are you genuinely praying for God’s will or yours be done? Do you even see a difference?

2. Where are you seeking for answers? Are you talking only to people who like you, agree with you and are influenced by you for insight? They may be very biased. Are you asking Christians with a deep spiritual walk?

3. What constitutes an answer to your prayers? Is a gut feeling enough? Are you looking for a sign? If so, what kind of sign do you seek?

4. Does the answer to your prayer align with scripture? God does not contradict himself.

5. Is the answer you seek pushing you to a greater dependence on God? God rarely uses the path of least resistance.

It is quite possible that some people say things like this just to make themselves sound spiritual. I will give you the benefit of the doubt. I believe you really are praying. I just want you to be careful with the answers you seek. I have seen people do very ungodly things saying it was God directed.

My teacher was right; some expressions are trite. I assume the one I used in the paper that day was a fitting example. But I hope for Christians that our talk about prayer cannot be described by the same word.

Are your prayers seeking God’s direction for your life or do you hope your will be done?

When I think of my dad, my heart overflows with wonderful memories. My mind can vividly picture moments with my boys, quiet conversations with me and holidays full of joy. There are so many precious memories that fill my soul about my father.

Do you want to know the truth? Not every day was great. There were times when dad and I did not get along at all. He disciplined me as a teen, and I responded in anger. He infuriated me as a young parent a couple of times that I thought would end our relationship. He embarrassed me as an adult with some of his comments. There are probably as many bad memories associated with my father as good ones. I just chose to put those in the past and let them go.

Every relationship you have is the same way. You have this with your parents, your children, your spouse, and every other person in your life. They are full of good memories that you cherish and bad experiences you regret. The question is, “Which encounters do you choose to remember the most?”

The Apostle Paul makes an interesting statement in 1 Corinthians 13. This is the chapter that is often called “the love chapter.” You may have heard it read at a wedding even if you have never read it yourself. There Paul gives us a list of things that love does and does not do. In verse 5 he says, “it keeps no record of wrongs.” In other words, chose to focus your thoughts on the good and forget the bad stuff.

This seems so elementary, but somehow, we forget it. In fact, in most cases where people are struggling in a relationship, it is because they have flipped this idea over in their heads. They can remember with precise detail every lousy action and forget the good ones. It happens in every situation but is most powerfully demonstrated in marriage. Slowly a person comes to the point where they only see negative actions and totally ignore any good behavior.

The challenge of having people in your life as a believer is always to stay focused on the good. Yes, people are still sinners and will continue to behave badly. They are also children of God who can do incredibly good things. Which one will you choose to remember?

Grace is easy to accept, living in light of it is difficult. In the work of Jesus on the cross, this amazing thing happens; He takes our penalty, and we get freedom from sin. We call that action the grace of God. It is the cornerstone of the Christian faith, and all we have to do is accept it. We then spend the rest of our lives following Jesus example and living out his teachings. It seems like this should be easy to do since grace was so simple to accept. The harsh reality is that walking the path of faith with Jesus is usually a challenge. Here are some of the things I find the most challenging to people.

1. Learning Does Not Come Natural. When I ask people, especially men, to read their Bible, I usually get a “Yeah; I should” response. Then when I press them on the issue I frequently encounter the same struggle, “I know I should read the Bible, but I hate to read.” I know this is true because this was once me. For years and years, I struggled to read my Bible. I could get into magazines because of the short nature of the writing, but I found the Bible was much more difficult. It took at least a year of focused reading and let’s be honest; some parts are boring. Finally, one day I started listening to the Bible on tape, and my world changed. Eventually, I went to a CD player, and now I have an app on my phone. I can listen, even when I don’t want to read. I found that I had to work to discover ways to learn the Bible. It seems like it should come easy, but anything worth knowing usually takes work. This is true in the life of faith. Learning the things of God are not comfortable, convenient or fun. They require hard work and concerted effort.

2. Faith Requires Us to Do Difficult Things. When you chose to follow Jesus, you are not choosing the path of least resistance. Most often you will find yourself having to ignore your feelings and do the right thing. In fact, our natural inclinations are usually wrong. Jesus calls me to respond to anger with love and to see past the hate to offer kindness. The way of Jesus pushes me to confront sin and expose my shame. The Christian life is a call to stand up for what is right when everyone else is doing wrong. I wanted my journey of faith to be wide and easy and Jesus made is narrow and difficult.

3. There is Resistance on Every Side. I thought the majority of people would be happy that I was a nice moral believer who seeks to follow Jesus. Nothing could be further from the truth. On one side some non-believers do not want to hear about sin or morality. On the other side were Christians who were convinced I was living my faith wrong. Both inside and outside of the Church were people more than willing to point out my every flaw in thought and action. The support I thought would be there was usually nonexistent. I found myself facing a tide of people who did not care about my soul or my walk with God.

Whenever I meet someone who acts like faith is easy, and their journey with Jesus is all sunshine and flowers, I know they are putting on an act. I often compare it with sports. The best players are not the ones where everything comes easy. The best players are those who rise early and arrive before everyone else, they work the hardest and stay the latest. They are people who work hard to achieve. The Christian life is not so different. If you want to be the best version of you, then it will take work every day, day in and day out.

I wish I could tell you the journey of faith is easy, but it is not. So today, instead of whining and complaining, why don’t you pick yourself up and go to work.

There are no Christian things. There are no Non-Christian things. There are just things.

Your phone is just a thing. Your computer is just a tool. Your children’s sports are only activities. Your job is just work. Your hobbies just fill time. Everything in your life is a thing.

These things can be used for God. You can use your phone to read the Bible and have devotions. You can use your TV to watch educational and uplifting programs. Your hobbies and activities can bring you closer to God and give you a witness to the world about your faith in Jesus. Every tool can be used in some way to promote the kingdom of God in your life and society.

These things can also be used for evil. That same phone can distract you from your marriage and things that matter. That computer can be a portal to the vilest forms of sexual misconduct known to humanity. Your hobbies and activities can separate you from God and his community of believers. Every tool can be used in some way to drive a wedge between you and God while hurting your Christian witness.

The items are neutral, but your use of them is not. Are the things in your life bringing the kingdom of God to earth or are they a tool of evil? Your choice will be seen in your actions.

The hard part, the Bible says that Satan likes to parade as an angel of light. He is also described as the father of lies. One of his primary actions is to take things that look good and use them for evil. He likes to use subtle lies to twist our thinking and make good things turn negative. I want everything to be black and white, and the Devil paints with gray.

The challenge of our lives to evaluate our actions to their logical outcome with total honesty. Are you using the things in your life for God or are you being deceived? That is a more difficult question to answer.

This week is the funeral of Billy Graham. His passing resulted in a plethora of articles written by bloggers like myself. While I appreciate the life and work of Mr. Graham, the articles posted about him have left me a little concerned.

Several of the articles I read spoke of Billy Graham as a “hero” of the faith. Personally, I am incredibly uncomfortable with that type of language.

First, it begins to separate the followers of Jesus into different categories. This is represented in other ways with titles like “clergy and laity.” It is a subtle shift from the “priesthood of all believers” to preachers somehow being closer to God and more admirable. Let me ask you, is Billy Graham any better in God’s sight than a lady who spends 50 years quietly teaching the children of the Church with no recognition?

Second, it continues to promote a “celebrity” culture in the Church. I cannot say this any more clearly, “I hate this thinking.” I believe we must be cautious about placing people of faith on a pedestal no matter what they have done. Once someone is lifted up, it is easy for them to become the object of our worship. Subtly we shift our faith into that person, and everything they say is correct. Then when some sin becomes public, our faith is shattered. I believe we are all equal in God’s sight no matter what we have said or done.

Third, Jesus is the true hero. In Paul’s first letter to the Church at Corinth, he posses an interesting question in the first chapter. He asks, “Was Paul crucified for you? Were you baptized into the name of Paul?” Paul saw clearly that he was not the Savior. Jesus is our Savior. Jesus is the author and perfecter of our faith. A friend of mine used to argue that the word we translate as “author” in that passage should be “hero.” Christ alone is the hero of the New Testament and the Christian faith.

With all that said, I appreciate the life and work of Billy Graham. To be a hundred percent honest I have listened to only a little of his preaching and never read anything he wrote. His influence was most significant before my time in ministry. He was in his 70’s before I ever preached my first sermon. Everything I know about the man was that his life was devoted to telling people about Jesus. I understand that he proclaimed Christ as Lord and Savior to everyone he encountered while maintaining his integrity. I admire him for his work in the Lord. He was a simple man doing the Lord’s work.

I hope and pray that will be the story of my life. I want no monuments or plaques. I desire for no one to build me a memorial or name a building after me. I just want to be known as a man who God used to accomplish his work.

I will never be as well-known as Billy Graham and neither will you. That does not mean that we live inferior lives. God has a plan and purpose for you. Will you let God use your life?