Once upon a time, I was asked to give a reference for someone in the Church I lead.  I was a little uncomfortable about how I was going to respond since I hardly knew the person.  The reference was to include information about specific topics and matters of character.  This made it even more complex as a couple of stories about this person that had been relayed to me were not favorable.

I took some time and thought about it, prayed for wisdom, and looked for a way to keep my integrity and be honest.  Finally, it hit me.  What I wrote was, “I have never seen this person be unkind.  They have never disrespected authority in my presence.  There has never been a time where I witnessed them being disloyal.” Basically, I wrote a reference on the absence of actions. 

If other people were to ask about my character, the whole experience has me wondering if they would be greeted by a list of Godly, positive actions or an incomplete list of unwitnessed character traits.  A follower of Jesus should let their actions speak for their belief and integrity. 

I wonder, if your preacher were asked to give a reference for you, what would they say?  Have they seen you living out your convictions, or would they be forced to speak from a void?

I used to hate selfies.  People posting their pictures with a “look at me” attitude.  Those people are selfish, self-centered, and narcissistic. 

As is so often the case, there is a flip side to everything.  Often, the posting of selfies is from people who are inviting me into their life.  They are not self-centered; they want people to be included in their family and world.  Their desire is for connecting with others, and we are not there to join them in person.  Each post is a plea for a deeper personal connection than we can achieve in casual conversation.  

So when you are scrolling through your social media feed, there will be times you will encounter people who have an overblown ego.  You will also see people who are longing for and offering a connecting point to their lives.  You can either respond by saying, “get over yourself” or by saying, “thanks for inviting me.” 

One of those statements will make you angry, and another will make you friends. 

No woman asked me to write this, and yet every one did at the same time. 

One issue I repeatedly encounter is men who are lousy husbands and distant fathers.  I have been trying to think of a nice way to say that but keep landing on the direct approach.  Some men define their manliness by how much beer they can drink, how late they can stay up, and the number of women they can sleep with and not form any emotional connection.  Then those men become fathers who show no interest in their children’s lives.  Mom handles everything while they bring home a paycheck and feel like they have done their fatherly duty.

It is not difficult to see where this thinking originated.  Many of us were raised by men who acted the same way.  We have repeated the model of the generation before us.  This image gets perpetuated in TV shows and movies until everyone thinks it is normal behavior. 

I believe God calls us to so much more.  Men are to lead their homes as strong, courageous, and Godly men.  They follow Jesus and are willing to risk everything to see his will done in their lives and in the lives of those they love.  They love their wives as Christ loved the Church and gave himself up for her.  They raise their children in a way that promotes favor with both God and man.  They take the lead in both teaching and serving in the home.  Men in the Church should be the gold standard of what it means to be a son, husband, and father. 

Last year, I had planned a sermon series directed at men and a day to get together and fellowship.  Covid changed all our plans, and an elder in our Church started a men’s group the first week of January as an alternate idea.  I have been so blessed to sit with these men each Monday night and ask one another questions, study the scriptures together and try to improve as the men of God.  I know this group is not for everyone, but it has me asking a fundamental question, “What are we doing individually to be shaped as Godly men more than being molded by the culture around us?” The world does not need another absent father or distant husband. It requires men of God who shine their light into a dark world and make the world a better place for all, starting at home. 

Last night our Church had its annual congregational meeting.  To prepare for it, I review all the numbers from last year along with the monthly reports I give to my board.  Looking into the statistics and information led me to divide everything into “Pre-Covid” and “Post-Covid.” This led me to the realization that one year ago, this week was when the world changed.  Our Church had regular worship until the third Sunday of March, and then we went into lockdown for 12 weeks. 

It is incredible all the things that can change in 12 months.  We lost about 100 people who attended our worship programs twice a month or more.  When we started meeting again, we added about 50 people in the months that followed.  After one year, our congregation looks completely different. 

Not only have people changed, but ministries have ceased because of restrictions, new roles have been assumed, and adjustments are made monthly.  Like most, we have been utilizing technology in new ways while trying to keep the best of the old ways of doing things.  We have experimented with techniques and methods to find what works best with our people in our area to be fully devoted Christians. 

I could spend several pages detailing all the changes from the past year, but most of us are far too familiar with them.  No, I want to take a minute and mention the one thing I love about my job and being a believer.  Nothing in God’s word has changed – not one tiny little thing.  One of the promises to those who study that Bible is that the grass will wither, and the flowers fall, but the word of the Lord will stand forever (1 Peter 1:24-25).  Not only that, but the Jesus who is revealed in the scriptures is the same yesterday, today, and forever (Hebrews 13:8).  Our faith’s core has not changed in the slightest, even though Covid has altered his people’s methods and procedures. 

The coming year will bring more changes as we implement the vaccine, and some things will become the “new normal.” There will be frustrations and failures alongside successes as we move into an unknown future.  The good news is our Bible and our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ will be the same and can guide us into whatever the next 52 weeks hold, just like they did last year.

Next to “I love you,” there are no more powerful words than “Please forgive me.”

Everyone is a sinner who regularly fails to do God’s will.  This failure damages our relationship with him and with one another.  That means we need grace from God and the forgiveness of our fellow man.  With all that being true, then we should continually be asking others to please forgive us.  Yet, I would ask directly, is that your experience?

We need to acknowledge that we make mistakes and sin.  Tell someone that your emotions got the best of you, and you lost control of your tongue.  Be clear to others that you crumbled under the weight you were carrying.  Share with them that you regret your words and actions, and you are trying not to let it happen again.  This is not who you are.  It was a time you stepped away from what you know to be proper behavior and acted in ways that hurt God and others.  It was a moment of weakness, and you are truly sorry. 

All these words are so complicated to say, and yet they need to be communicated regularly.  One of the most significant steps toward healthy relationships at home or the Church is the willingness to ask for forgiveness.  The second step is to offer it in return.    

I give an enormous amount of advice on life and faith. I share my thoughts in blogs, podcasts, and sermons both daily and weekly.  The topics range from being a better spouse to a better parent to simply a better Christian.  Each piece of information is shared after reflection, prayer, and some editing to make sure it sounds understandable and applicable.

The funny part of this story is no one asked me to do it.  I do not receive emails begging for my advice.  No one catches me at the store and says, “Please post something about this topic.” Most of the tips I provide are entirely unsolicited. 

Then why do it?

My answer is that God has laid it on my heart to help others, even if it is just one person.  When I pray, God seems always to point me back to this idea of sharing what I know and have experienced.  This has been reaffirmed through repeated comments, regular opportunities, and the joy I receive from doing it.  I am not concerned if millions admire my work; the hope is that one person will learn something to do to help them on their journey with God. 

My question for you is, “What is God laying on your heart to do for his kingdom?” This may just be a notion in the back of your mind, a repeated question from a friend, or an observation of a ministry that needs to be done.  One pushback that most people encounter is, “Yeah, but no one is really asking me to do it.” My response is, “Who cares?” If you feel God is leading you to do some work for his kingdom, you do not need an invitation. You only need to possess the willingness to try. 

It is easy to forget about looking at the facts and build a belief system on personal accounts and secondhand stories.  This type of thinking becomes clear when I ask someone about an issue, and they respond by giving me an anecdote from their past. 

For example, I will ask a person what it means to be a good husband, and they will respond by telling me about a time their dad did something nice for their mom.  Another case might be asking someone what it means to be a good person, and they start giving me a tale about a sweet older lady who fed the children free popsicles after school.  

These stories are the foundation of our understanding of the world, and I use them in my sermons to underline the truth of God’s word.  The problem comes when they stand in contradiction to the truth of scripture.  When the story of that sweet old lady is not motivated by faith in Jesus but an effort to earn her way into heaven, we have a problem.  Suddenly we are left to redefine our terms based on the story instead of understanding the Bible.  We shift our thinking, not from sound teaching but experience.  This becomes a slippery slope into weak convictions and blurry moral lines. 

All of us have experiences that mold and shape our thinking.  They cause us to rethink our beliefs and adjust the way we handle other people.  The fallacy is when those stores rewrite the truth of God’s word in our mind to fit our experience.  We are to seek the truth and then notice all the stories that show it to be true. Please don’t take the stories and have them be your foundation of truth and the scriptures secondary. 

The old saying is, “Open mouth, insert foot.” 

Too often, we have encounters that we later regret.  Many of these are during contentious situations.  We have this heated exchange, and then we react by saying something completely wrong or hurtful, and we do more damage than good. 

Amid a complicated, stressful, anxious, or angry situation, your natural response is to open your mouth and pour out all your feelings.  What if there were a better way?  A way you could avoid all the shame, regret, and guilt caused by your mouth. What if, instead of reacting, you chose to reflect first?

I learned this simple trick as a parent: Take the time to count to 10 before responding to your child in a sticky situation.  The principle applies to numerous aspects of life.  When you feel hurt, take time to think about the other person’s feelings and make sure your heart is right with God.  When you are unhappy about how a situation has turned, consider alternatives, and ask God for direction.  When you are filled with anger, step aside, take a deep breath, ask God for wisdom, and get your head right before your mouth engages. 

Of course, you can always take those touchy moments and use them to speak your mind.  Just know that no one has ever regretted taking time to reflect before speaking, but everyone knows what it is like to open their mouth and do more damage than metaphorically inserting their foot. 

Twelve years ago, I was assigned to a life with glasses.  Every year since then, I have required a stronger prescription.  This past year I began noticing my need around Christmas when I grabbed my Bible to read it during my sermon, it was hard to focus, and I kept losing my place because everything was blurry. 

The trouble with failing vision is that there is nothing I can do it fix it on my own.  I need help to see clearly again.  So I made my trip to the optometrist, and he used all his machines to run tests, check options and make the final diagnosis.  Time had clouded my vision, and a new set of lenses would make everything clear again.  Once they were installed, suddenly everything was restored.  His work was finished, I was happy, and life quickly returned to normal until this time next year when I will be back in his office once again. 

This experience has me thinking about my spiritual lenses.  With time it is easy for issues within us to get blurry.  We lose sight of how things could be and settle into how things are.  There is this drift into lower expectations and compromised goals.  Occasionally we need someone to help us regain what we have lost.  We require encounters like a visit with a mature Christian who can help us feel inspired.  Perhaps an appointment with a pastor or paid counselor is in order.  Maybe we need to sit down with an old friend and recapture the fire that once burned bright in our eyes. 

My guess is that some of you have given up on your God-inspired hopes and dreams.  These could be from long ago or might be from a couple of months ago as we came into the new year. Once you dreamed of a closer walk with God, and now you have quit trying.  There was a time you wanted to make a difference, and now you are only trying to make it through the day. You once had a clear direction for your life, and now things are clouded.

I am so glad the doctor was able to restore what was lost.  It took some effort to make things right again, but it was well worth it. Nothing may have changed to the outside world, but for me, everything looks so much better.

When we are left alone, we drift toward decay.  This is true with our bodies and our souls.  One step to help us improve is to consult with someone who can give us the help we need.  My eyes required it, and our souls need it too.  Maybe it is time to get checked out so that everything will be clear inside of you once again. 

The Church is all I have known. 

Growing up, my parents took me to worship every week.  Throughout my high school years, there was never a doubt where we would be on Sunday morning. 

After high school, I went to Bible college, and being in Church was a regular part of my week and weekend. Then as a sophomore, I began speaking and leading a local Church as a preacher. 

Once while living between ministries, I took some odd jobs to pay the bills, but my family and I were in Church every week.  At over 49 years of age, I cannot recall ever missing more than five times in a single year over my lifetime. 

I know the local Church from a Biblical, experiential, and participatory standpoint.  I have an immense amount of knowledge of the inner workings of a Church community.  There has been a significant amount to learn over my lifetime, but one of the greatest lessons I have learned is that everyone is trying to do what they think is best. 

In all those years, I have only met one person I felt like was a wolf in sheep’s clothing trying for personal gain from the Church community.  Otherwise, everyone in my experience was trying to do their best – the best for themselves, the best for their community of believers, and the best for the Lord.  The issue is that no one seems to be able to agree on what is truly the best. 

The older lady who wants hymns believes that is the best way to worship.  An older gentleman who wants me to read the KJV on Sunday morning honestly believes that is the best translation.  The leader that makes a tough decision that people disagree with is just trying to do what he thinks is best for everyone.  The list could go on and on.  Usually, having disagreements in Church results from people having different views of what they feel is best to do. 

Each week it is easy to cynical, angry, and bitter because people are doing things you do not like.  My encouragement is to see others are doing what they think is best.  Then show them grace when they are wrong, teach where they need education, and love them till they understand your view.  No one you encounter this weekend wants to make your life more difficult; in fact, they want you to experience the best things they know.  Appreciate their heart and seek unity with compassion, mercy, and grace.  That is the only sure way for us all to have the best experience possible with the people of God.