Birthdays, anniversaries, and holidays are great times to communicate with people. Some of you buy a card, get a family picture, send an email, or write a series of texts to celebrate these occasions.  These days are great opportunities to share with people in a way that makes them feel loved and valued. 

You can also do those things for no reason in particular.  You can send someone a card with a handwritten note inside just because you thought of them.  A family picture with a letter inside can be put in the mail at the beginning of June and not only December.  There is no need to wait to send the email when you have business issues to handle.  A text can be sent to say, “you crossed my mind today.” 

I would argue that the communication you send on days with no particular significance has more value than those sent at special times.  Unprompted cards, letters, emails, and texts speak of importance beyond the formal engagements of the general public.  Those let people know you really care all year round. 

Unexpected kindness is always the most meaningful. 

A writer once tried to create a list of 1000 things you should know by 21 years old.  He started the dialog by listing the 100 things he thought were important.  Then the readers could go into the comments and add their suggestions to the list. 

This little experiment created quite a stir.  People all over the internet started adding to the list, having dialog about what we should be teaching children both inside the classroom and in the home.  Answers ranged from “how to change a tire” to “how to cook an egg” to “how to write a business letter.” 

As the list grew and expanded, my thoughts turned toward faith.  I wondered, what are the thousand things that a believer in Jesus should know within 21 years of making Jesus their Savior? 

I am not starting a list here, but the question still plagues my mind.  There is this essential truth that the longer you live as a believer, you should acquire a list of concepts, behaviors, and experiences that will develop you into a mature Christian.  Otherwise, your growth is stunted, and you will never be able to function on your own spiritually. 

Just like a child who is sent out into life without necessary skills is a believer sent into the world without basic spiritual knowledge.  Occasionally I want to say to Christians I encounter, “You should know that by now!”  

The problem might be with the Church and how we teach people.  It might also be with the parents who have left everything to the Church.  It might simply be the fault of the individual who did not take responsibility for their own development.  I am not sure who exactly is to blame, and maybe it is partially everyone’s failure. 

I know that there are things you should know as you grow in life and faith. 

As I read over the lists of things people should know by the age of 21, I realized several basic skills I did not possess.  The good news is that it is never too late to learn, no matter what you do not know.  Today can be the day you acquire the knowledge you lack in life or faith.  Never quit learning or growing.    

Shouting might be the least effective way to change people’s minds, yet we use it most of all our vocal tones.  Loud and aggressive talk seems like the way to bring a change of behavior, but it usually doesn’t.

Laughter and a jovial tone can undermine a serious conversation.  It appears the conversation is not being taken seriously and will halt the progress of an open discussion. 

A calm voice does not work very well in emergencies.  People might not believe the issue is real or demands immediate action.  Urgency can be lost when mild tones are used in dire situations. 

How you say something is as important as what you say.

Is it possible that your communication struggles do not come from a lack of honesty, instead from an improper tone? 

Your spouse, children, friends, acquaintances, co-workers are not just hearing the content of your words but also your tone of voice.  One way to improve your communication in every relationship is adjusting how you are saying things, not just what you are saying.   

The country band named Brothers Osborne has a song entitled “Not for everyone.” This is definitely not a Christian band with Godly values or Christian music.  Still, when I heard it, something resonated with my life. 

I am unique.  My life experiences, hopes, views, gifts, habits, personality, tone of voice, and beliefs all make me a one-of-a-kind individual.  There is no one quite like me.  With that reality, some people like me and others, well … not so much. 

I always wanted to be like Andy Stanley.  He seems so kind and so well-liked by everyone.  Thousands of people listen to him each week and are blessed by his presence.  Other times I wished I were more like a Rick Warren who smiles and laughs and eases the room when things get tense.  Large numbers listen to his teaching and read his books.  Frequently, I want to be like other people who are well admired for their wit, charm, style, and personality.

Nope, I am just uniquely me.  I am trying to be more like Jesus, but it is always with a Matthew Harris twist.  There seems to be no escape from myself. 

Some days I am angry that I am not someone better.  Other days I am depressed that I do not have a broader appeal.  Why did God make me like this? 

Then one day, it hit me.  I am not for everyone, but a few people like me.  God uses me to bless a small number of people through my speaking and writing.  Some of them might not have come to Jesus or grown in their faith if it were not for people like me.  I might not be for everyone, but God made me to reach some. 

Many people are trying to be someone they are not so that people will like them more.  One of them may be you.  If so, I want you to know that God made you a specific way to a part of his kingdom in a way that only you can.  There is someone out there who needs exactly what you have to offer.  You need to keep working to connect with your people, and I will keep working to connect with mine.  Only together will we be able to reach everyone. 

People who change the world and make history rarely set out to do so.  Those who have made a big impact that lasted for generations to come usually are simple people.  They are often without power and prestige, but God used them anyway. 

These people bring change by doing the right thing every time it was required of them.  No matter how inconvenient or what the cost, they just kept doing the right thing. Each day they spoke the truth, loved others, showed concern, and stood against evil. 

One day the right thing they did was noticed because it made a difference to someone else.  They did not wake up one day and do something significant and noticeable.  They did something small every day, and someone could not help but take note. 

I think it is a mirage to set out to be a history maker.  Instead, set out to do the wise, the good, and the Godly thing all the time.  Then watch God use that as he desires. 

According to John, there is a story of Jesus seeing a man lying beside the pool of Bethesda.  We are told he has been an invalid for thirty-eight years.  Then it says, “When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, ‘Do you want to get well?’” (John 5:6 NIV 2011)

It seems like such an odd question.  Of course, he wants to be healed.  Who wouldn’t? That is what my head tells me, but experience has shown me something else.  Many people have no desire to improve their life in any way, even if they have the opportunity. 

A Church I once led had a skilled financial advisor on staff.  We developed a policy that stated, “If you want financial assistance, we are happy to provide it, but you are required to sit down with a financial advisor for free to help you develop a sound financial future.” Suddenly our requests for assistance almost vanished.  Once we told people our policy over the phone, we were greeted by the person hanging up or a simple, “Uh, no!”

Many people do not want to change, even if it is guaranteed to be for the better.  I guess it might be because change is difficult.  The other possibility is that some people love the mess of their lives.  Maybe it is because the chaos brings attention.  People are always concerned. Others offer help and prayers.  Everyone repeats their name and talks about them in certain situations.  They are known by all, even if it is for unsavory reasons. 

Whatever you are struggling with in life, the first and most significant question is always, “Do you WANT to get well?” 

There is probably a way to achieve a better life.  It won’t be easy, but people are willing to help you.  The resources are there, but we cannot give you the desire to use them.  You will have to want it. 

It is quite possible you are filled with stress and anxiety, not because you are trying to please God or even other people. Instead, you are trying to quiet the voice in your head.

Deep down, you want a spectacular body, to be a terrific spouse and amazing parent while having a well-informed, Spirit-guided, servants’ heart as a believer. You want a perfect house, a nice ride, a well-manicured lawn with a rose garden to match. You want to live farm to table with homegrown vegetables, chickens, cows, and two well-trained dogs. You want to be involved in your school, your Church, and the local civic group. You want your life to look good to the Jones across the street and on social media.

No one told you your life should be this way, but you have seen enough TV shows, magazine articles, and Pinterest posts to know how things should look. You have heard enough sermons and lessons at Church to know everything you should be doing. If you stop to ask your friends, they will tell you all the ways they are improving their life, and you will be left feeling like you are falling behind.

Self-applied pressure is good if it motivates you to be a better person. All of us need the occasional kick in the pants to keep us from getting lazy. A regular dose of inspiration is required to keep us moving forward in our faith, family, and toward the desired future.

On the other hand, self-applied pressure is terrible when it leads to guilt, a lack of self-worth, and depression. There should be times when you should be resting and enjoying the moment, but you cannot because that inner voice drives you to get busy. When you end each day feeling defeated, then you are not walking the right path.

One key to having a joy-filled life is learning to apply the right amount of pressure to produce positive results. Everyone wants to see you growing, but usually, no one wants it more than you. It would be best if you leaned into the motivation that keeps you improving while avoiding the emotions of self-defeat. It is a delicate balance that takes a lifetime to learn, and many never find it.

Occasionally we need to be reminded that we are enough. We love, and we are loved. When a day is not spectacular, and we let ourselves down again, maybe we need to change our expectations to quiet that voice inside. If you don’t, you will never have the joy God intended.

 “No” is such a hard word to say.  I suppose this is because we have no idea the type of emotions it will meet in response.  A negative statement often attracts a negative reaction.  Saying no will often make other people angry, create feelings of disappointment and fertilize bitterness. 

The result is that use more hopeful-sounding words and phrases like maybe, might, possibly, could be, and we will see.  Those are all just nice ways of saying no to someone. 

Unfortunately, No is a word that we need to hear and say sometimes.  It speaks the truth and closes the doors of unachievable dreams.  It helps us to see where we stand in a situation.  It moves us to start walking in a new direction.  No does not need to be said with a vengeance, but sometimes it must be said. 

The challenge is that the next time someone tells you no, do not take it personally.  If you do, the chances of you hearing the truth again are significantly reduced.  Then you will spend the rest of your life having people trying to find a nice way to tell you no.

In the end, they will feel bad for giving you a glimmer of hope that never existed.  You will also feel bad because you were disappointed once again.  One mark of a follower of Jesus is that our identity is wrapped up in him and not others’ disapproval.  Being able to handle a no response is a sign of spiritual maturity that most people overlook.     

Abraham waited 25 years from the time God promised to bless him with a child until it happened.  Joseph had to wait 13 years between a vision of his future until his brothers bowed down before him.  David was anointed as the next king of Israel to replace Saul.  It took him 10 more years before he would sit on the throne. 

There is often a gap between knowing that God is working until his job is finished.  This is true of the heroes of the Bible and in your life.  If life seems to be unfulfilled, and you are struggling to see the goodness of God, then your story is probably not over yet. 

Often, we spend large sections of our lives in the middle.  We are in the middle of what is God is doing IN us.  We are in the middle of what God is doing TO us.  We are in the middle of what God is doing THROUGH us.  We are not at the beginning, and we are still a long way to the end.

One challenge to having faith is waiting on God.  His timeline is not like ours. We pace back and forth in front of the microwave as if seconds were an hour.  God is never late, but he is also never early.  He works at just the right time in the world and in our lives. 

Patience is a virtue.  Your life may be a mess, and that simply means that God is not finished writing his story.  Tie and knot and hold on tight.  God’s work may only take another 10, 15, or 25 years.  Just ask David, Joseph, and Abraham.    

I have spent years in the bleachers cheering for my boys while they played basketball. I know most gyms in Alaska and western Missouri by heart. This week my experience as a basketball parent came to an end as my youngest played his last high school game.

At times like these, there are so many things that go through my mind. While I have frequently written about merely enjoying the game, this year I want to add a second thought: Don’t build your kid’s nor your life on sports.

This season has been unique. Our football team did well, and their season went long, so we canceled a couple of games before the season began. Then we had an extended holiday with the way that Christmas and New Year fell. Next, we had two weeks off because of Covid. A coach came down with it, and the team went into quarantine. Finally, the season ended with an eight-day shutdown for the weather. Altogether the team canceled multiple games; they did not make up. It was a stop and started the season that saw the team play more games than they had practices and the results were not what we hoped. A fifty-percent winning season with third fewer games is not what anyone had in mind.

For my son, Gage, and the Harris family, it was disappointing but not spirit-crushing. This is because my son’s identity is not wrapped up in sports. Gage is our son, a brother to three young men, a friend to one, and a Christian in a Church family. He just happens to enjoy playing basketball. His life, along with the rest of our family, has never been about sports only. He has not played any travel ball, special tournaments, or invested numerous hours into practices. He has enjoyed playing, and I am sure he will miss high school sports as all people do. But his spirit is not crushed, and his life is not over.

I tell you this not just because I am proud of my son but as a warning. Life is going to throw you curveballs. A little illness and some bad weather should not make anyone question their self-worth and meaning in life. Life should never be built on sports because it will one day let you down. Help every teen to know that their life has infinite value and worth because they are made in the image of God, and he sent his son to redeem them. A life built on solid values will endure some setbacks and changes without being devastated. I am proud of my son, and I hope other kids will find meaning beyond the court.