Here are some of the best articles I have read over the past few weeks. I hope you enjoy them too.

Longer Than – A wonderful post about marriage and men. Good writing.

These 3 words changed the way I parent—and made me kinder to myself, too – A great article for mothers and all parents.

A Man’s Perspective on Leggings – You might not agree, but worth considering.

SHOULD CHRISTIANS OBEY THE OLD TESTAMENT LAW? – I find his categories helpful.

3 Words for Church Members on Using Social Media – This sounds very much like the advice I give to people repeatedly.

Old Books, New Books, and Trends That Fade Away

It seems like everyone is trying to cash in on something. If you do something reasonably well, then there must be some way to make some money off it, correct? You like to work out, then surely you can make a little extra as a part-time trainer. You like to take pictures, then why not make some money on the side. After all, there is nothing wrong with using your gifts and abilities to make extra money to help your family.

This kind of thinking is prevalent everywhere, and it has even infiltrated the Church. Frequently I get an email or see an advertisement on social media from someone who wants to help our Church or specifically me as a pastor. Click on the link, and you are then told about how much it will cost you to get this help. If someone does give away free material, then they want your contact information so that they can bombard you with other products and services they are selling. There always seems to be strings attached to everything that is offered.

What if, and I know this is going to seem like I am against free enterprise, but what if you offered stuff for free? What if you helped someone out of the goodness of your heart? What if you gave away your services in the name of Jesus? What if you did not attach any strings to the material you were offering? Would you be willing to help the kingdom of God even if no one did anything for you in return?

Sure, some people would take advantage of you. There are always those who abuse the system. You would need some safeguards and procedures to make things go smoothly. But what if …

I believe serving people in the name of Jesus is at the heart of God’s kingdom. It will not make you rich, and you might not be able to give up your day job. Serving without compensation will not help you take that vacation you want or buy that item you are sure you need. It might even require blood, sweat, and tears without seeing any cash in your pocket. I believe it will further the kingdom of God on earth. The greatest gift anyone can offer is their time. Whenever we give it freely, people will see that there is something different about Christians. Perhaps now more than ever.

You are a one of a kind masterpiece. There is no one quite like you. God gave you unique fingerprints, eyes, ears, footprints, and DNA. The Bible says that he “knit you together” in your mothers’ womb. Once you were born, you continued in your development. You had a unique family, made decisions only you could make, and lived through experiences that no one else can repeat. You have passions, abilities, personality, and giftedness that no other person on this planet has an equal measure. You truly are one of a kind.

And yet, the goal of every believer is to become like Jesus. The word I use most often is “Christlikeness,” which means you are to live like Christ in everything. “What would Jesus do” is a question that guides your decisions and actions. Your life is found in him and is to be lived for him.

How do you bring these two concepts into harmony? It is quite simple. God wants you to be like Jesus, as only you can be. He wants you to use your unique life for his glory. He formed you so that you could use your gifts, talents, and abilities for his kingdom.

Most days, I do not feel like I fit in with everyone else. I don’t see or hear things the same way as other people. It is easy to think that I am a misfit and somehow have less value than others. The opposite is true. You are not like anyone else, and your life has infinite worth because you have something to offer that no one else can replace.

God created each one of us to fit together like a giant kingdom puzzle, and your piece is essential to complete his work.

In 1992 Gary Chapman released a ground-breaking book that is a must read for all married couples. The concepts found inside are so essential that it became a regular household dialogue since it was published. Basically, the idea is that there are five ways in which we feel love.

1. Words of Affirmation
2. Gifts
3. Acts of Service
4. Quality Time
5. Physical Touch

These five “languages” are how we receive love in our lives. Every person is unique, and every couple must learn to speak the right language so that their spouse feels the love and support they desire.

This is an idea I talk about in any type of marital counseling that I do with couples. Most of them know the concept and have at least thought about their personal love language. Some of them have read the book and can detail their needs and those of their mate.

Despite all the information that has been written about this topic, I find a limited number of couples that do it well. Most people just know that they are not getting their needs met, and they do not know what to do.

The idea of a love language is not something that we master and then move on to something else. It is a topic that we need to revisit time and again. There are seasons in which our language might change. Sometimes age affects our desires from our spouse. Many times, my spouse thinks they are doing a great job when my assessment might be different.

If your marriage is struggling in any way, I am going to suggest that this one idea might be a big part of the problem. Sure, you know all the information, but is your marriage a place where love is given and received freely? Perhaps you need to revisit the love languages to revitalize your marriage.

I am a numbers guy. I track everything I possibly can when it comes to Church. I have sheets detailing attendance, offering, and how they are affected by the seasons. More than a few times, I have amazed people by the accuracy of my predictions about certain and days and people.

Occasionally God surprises me. It is one of the things I love and hate about leading a Church. You live never knowing entirely what God is doing and what is going to happen each day.

Yesterday our worship was the perfect example. Usually, according to statistics, our Church attendance drops from the week of Memorial Day until our Vacation Bible School in July. Whatever our average attendance has been for the spring will be reduced by at least 20% for 8-9 weeks in the summer. This is how our Church works, and I have the numbers to prove it. Then yesterday happened.

I stood up to preach and looked out on a full first worship program. This is always exciting and terrifying. As I looked around the room, we had guests, and I had not prepared a guest friendly sermon. Immediately I go into scramble mode in my brain about how to personalize this message for guests. The other thought that runs through my mind is, “Who is left to come to the second program?” Then I walked up for the second sermon and saw another full room. All total, when the day was done, we had a larger group than we had on Christmas. This was the first Sunday in June, and the weather was beautiful.

I tell you all this to illustrate an idea. God is in charge, and you never know when he is going to show up. There are certain times we expect him to do something in our lives. A big conference with great speakers is a great opportunity for God. A weeklong retreat, camp, or event is another wonderful place for him to do a mighty work. We do not expect it on a random day in June.

As a follower of Jesus, I worship a God full of surprises. He nudges me in everyday conversations, speaks to me in the words of a book, and moves me when watching a movie with my wife. People walk into my life that I never expected and do things I never imagined. God works in ways we can never predict. The only thing we can do is live with expectancy, always waiting for his next move.

I don’t imagine anything significant will happen this week. It is a typical week at the beginning of summer. I have little on the schedule, and I know most people are enjoying their summer. And yet … only God knows what is in store for me and you.

When I first entered the full-time vocational ministry, I started listening to John Maxwell’s material on leadership. He frequently said, “Leadership is influence.” I have used that line to help define this topic for over 20 years.

Recently I have reached a new definition of what it means to be a leader. Here it is, “Leadership is the willingness to make a decision for yourself and others.”

Making a good decision is a difficult task. It has always been challenging to arrive at a decision and move forward. It is literally draining to you, mentally and physically. It is getting even harder in 2019, where we have people offering their opinions on everything. It also becomes complicated because of social media. If you make a stance on a difficult subject, then you are liable to be tried and crucified in the court of public opinion. People are scared to make a stand on anything because the angry mob is always ready to attack.

Because of these reasons and other complications, people willing to arrive at a decision and remain firm are becoming rare commodities. In fact, I find myself called upon almost daily to decide for something or someone. Every group of people of which I am connected is desperately longing for people willing to say, “This is what we are going to do.”

With all that in mind, my new definition of leadership is the willingness to make a decision for yourself and others. A leader in the Church is required to make decisions even when they are unpopular. A leader in the community must step up and make decisions for the good of the people they serve. A leader in the home will not shy away from tough choices for their family. A leader makes decisions, and their influence is seen in the choices they make. A follower will delegate their responses to those who are willing to lead.

My question for today is simple, “Where are you stepping up as a leader?”

I think the Bible gives us answers to many of life struggles and questions. The problem is not with the answers; it is found in how we value information. The knowledge that we value the most is that gained by experience rather than being said to us. Let’s be honest, you can be told something over and over, but it doesn’t seem to stick in our mind until we do it ourselves.

In part, I think this is the brilliance of Jesus. He calls twelve men to be his disciples. They walk with him, talk with him and watch him perform miracles. Then Jesus sends them out two by two to test their knowledge. Jesus knows that sitting in a classroom or listening to a sermon has a limited effect on the actions of a person.

This is one of the struggles of the Church today. There is not enough discipleship going on beyond the Church walls. We depend on a program within the Church to effectively shape ourselves and our children. It will never be enough; there need to be some practical, real-life experiences to push us to grow. This is one of the reasons why I believe serving within and through a local Church is essential. It gives us a chance to learn with our hands and feet more than just our minds.

Recently one of my boys wanted to know something, and so I gave them a long answer. I mean, I told them to follow me and showed them how things worked. I asked them to put their hands on it and see it with their own eyes. I could have said, “Here is what to do,” but they would not have kept that information for more than a few days. This was something they needed to know and will prove helpful over their lifetime. Even though I was greeted with eye rolls and disgust, I did force them to interact anyway, and one day they will thank me for it.

The best solutions in life come with experience rather than information. One simple goal for each day of your life is to learn something about faith. This comes through Bible reading and prayer, but it is grounded in action. There is a difference between knowing something with your head and knowing it with your heart. That new idea God is placing in your head, go out and do it today and you will find it ingrained in you forever.

If you were to ask people about a particular location or event, you would often be greeted by at least one person who doesn’t like it. This can include a restaurant, a store, or possibly even a Church event. Every time I encounter someone who doesn’t enjoy that thing, I always brace myself for a story. The reason they do not care for it is that that one time they went and a waiter was rude, the food was cold, the crowd was too big, the people unfriendly, and a host of other dreadful stories. The interesting thing to me is that frequently it happened years ago. Tales of the failures of others usually have no time limit. Case in point, my dad, refused to go to the nearby Pizza Hut for over 30 years because of a lousy waitress one night.

People, including me, latch onto these stories and allow them to be the basis for all future action. I hear things like, “I am not going to that Church, they are an unfriendly lot. I attended there some years ago, and no one even spoke to me.” Other encounters include, “I am not going back to that business. I once waited there for an hour for anyone to even notice me.” The stories continue, “I will never go to (fill in the blank) because one time the worker was rude with me.” How about this, “I will never speak to them again, one time I tried to have a conversation, and they ignored me and made me feel small.” We have our story, and it solidifies our thinking, and we never seem to revisit it.

My challenge today is to rethink my convictions about things, place, and even people. Are you going to let one story from some time ago still define your actions? Maybe that person was having a bad day. Perhaps you were caught in an ugly situation that happens only once a year. You never know the back story to the incident that molded your views. I once had a lady visit our Church, and she hated it. A year later she came back after the pleading of a friend, and she loved it. Unfortunately, a series of events made her first visit unpleasant, but the exact opposite happened the second time. She just had to come back one more time.

What would happen if today you decided to write a new story? What if you visited that store again or went to that restaurant, or maybe even gave that person a second chance? Most of the time, people find their second experience totally different than the first. Circumstances change, and our encounter is better than we expected.

What if today you let go of that old story about how awful everything was and embraced a new story? Sometimes people and places need a second chance.

Almost everyone I meet thinks the rules do not apply to them. They are sure they are exceptional, and nothing can stop them. Down deep inside, they do not believe me when I tell them about some simple guidelines to life. These can be biblical principles or practical lessons I have learned through experience.

Here is the reality you need to embrace: you are not the exception to the rule.

God and his word establish the rules of life. They are also the result of watching hundreds of cases repeat the same patterns of behavior.

Let me give you some examples to consider:

Marrying a non-believer is a recipe for a long and challenging marriage or possibly failure.
Many young couples believe that the idea will not apply to them.

Living together before marriage will triple your chances for divorce.
Couples think that they are in love and living together will improve their marriage.

The list could go on and on: People think that skipping Church will not affect their faith. An overemphasis on sports will not affect their family negatively. Being busy is not going to hurt their soul. Their phone is not damaging their relationships with people they love. Drinking all that alcohol will not lead to an addiction.

Sure, the statistics show that these actions frequently cause issues, but we think that we are the exception to the rule.

I am here to tell you the bad news. You are not the exception. I am not trying to destroy your confidence or crush your dreams. I am here to warn you. Picture me standing here waving my arms trying to stop you as you head toward inevitable disaster. Some things in your life you might not be able to change but there are certain things that you can adjust to make your future better.

Here is some simple life advice: That thing everyone has been warning you about. That situation you feel needs to change. Those comments you keep hearing from your friends. The idea that keeps popping up in sermons and books. Listen closely. Those moments when you grit your teeth and think, “I will show them.” Instead of hearing these words as challenges for you to overcome, why not approach them as opportunities to adjust your path before you find out that the rules actually did apply to you.

It is Friday morning on the weekend of Memorial Day weekend. Many people, possibly including you, are planning a long weekend with family and friends. Relax, I am not here to throw stones and tell you to be at Church, although I believe your plans should include the people of God. No, I want to encourage you to embrace the time you have with your family.

Over the past couple of weeks, my mother has been visiting, and yesterday we slipped out and went fishing. It was the fourth time in the past two weeks. She enjoys it, and I love taking her. It is a chance for us to spend time together, make some memories, and talk about all of life. I would not trade these days with her for anything in this world.

The single most valuable thing in all the world is time. It is God’s precious gift to us. I think that real love is freely giving someone your time. The gift of our time has no equal.

One of the older couples in a Church I served told me this story. Their grandkids always wanted to come over and spend the weekends with them. They loved and hated it. They had raised their children and some Saturdays and Sundays they wanted a break. One of those weekends, their grandson was hugging grandpa and saying, “I love you.” He asked, “Why do you boys love grandma and grandpa so much?” The little boy said, “Because you have time for us.”

This weekend some of you will get some extra time off. You will use that to connect with other people. It is a great gift and you should not take a minute of it for granted.